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Lee Darrow![]() V.I.P. Chicago, IL USA 3588 Posts ![]() |
I have a mind like a steel trap - everything that gets caught in it gets mangled!
There is no such thing as gravity - the Earth just sucks... Be a good boy and go play mumblty-foot! My favorite housecleaning tool is a hand grenade! I am on a quest for the 'Fountain of Smart!' I have lots of new friends - unfortunately, they're all on the internet and want me to by something called veegr - - vyag -- vie-something-or-another! Well, there goes MY life down the YouTube! Lee Darrow, C.H.
http://www.leedarrow.com
<BR>"Because NICE Matters!" |
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Mark Wilden![]() Veteran user San Francisco 375 Posts ![]() |
How about magic one-liners?
To a talkative assistant: "Actually, you don't have any lines in this part of the act" (Martin Lewis) After dropping a card face-down: "Stay!" (Jamy Ian Swiss) After dropping a card face-up: "Was that your card?" (Mark Wilden) After dropping all the cards: "Thank God no one was hurt" (Jamy Ian Swiss again) After a false climax: "That's OK, folks - the first time I saw this trick, I didn't applaud either." (?) I love these, mainly because most spectators haven't heard them, no matter how familiar they might be to magicians. Got any others I can stea^H^H^H^Hborrow? ///ark |
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Josh Riel![]() Inner circle of hell 1999 Posts ![]() |
Magic is doing improbable things with odd items that, under normal circumstances, would be unnessecary and quite often undesirable.
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Tom Fenton![]() Inner circle Leeds, UK (but I'm Scottish) 1469 Posts ![]() |
A man walks into a military surplus store and says, "Got any camoflage jackets?" and the shopkeeper says "Yeah thousands, but I can't find them".
What have an ostrich, a duck and the IRS got in common? They can all stick their bills up their a**
"But there isn't a door"
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Sordini![]() New user USA 68 Posts ![]() |
There one-liner esque...
Who gave you that tie... Are they angry at you? Did I ever tell you the one about the brick wall... you'd never get over it. That is an AWESOME shirt... I think I ran over your dog... No I'm kidding... Start the car |
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Mediocre the Great![]() Inner circle Rich Hurley 1060 Posts ![]() |
My favorite compliations:
The book "Sleight of Mouth" by Harry Allen. All of the Aldo Columbini's books. - there on his website. Doc Eason's Website - he has some good ones there to share. and, try to make some up on your own... it's fun!
Mediocrity is greatly under rated!
-------------------------------------------- Rich Hurley aka Mediocre The Great! www.RichHurleyMagic.com |
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Steve Cook![]() Regular user 119 Posts ![]() |
My Grandmother died last week, she was 93... thank God they were able to save the baby.
My Grandad new precisely the day he was going to die... a judge told him. I once knew a lovely Spanish girl called Carmen. She married a Jewish guy called Cohen, but she was a very confused lady... for the first six months of their married life... she didn't know whether she was carmen or cohen. (I know, I know!) Why do they sterilise the needles for lethal injections? If you believe in Telekinesis... raise my hand. If a book written about failures doesn't sell... is it a success? I noticed a book at Amazon (well you would) called: 'How to make a fortune from nothing'... it sells for $95. My Great, Great Grandfather was unlucky... he got shipwrecked and was picked-up by the Titanic. I backed a horse yesterday at 20-1... came in at 20 after four. Can you be a closet claustrophobic? I went to the doctor and he said what's wrong with you? I said I think I've broken my arm in four places. He said well, you shouldn't go to those places. I was going to take six Valium this morning, but after the first four I felt so much better. Why is abbreviation such a long word? Why is there a sell-by date on sour cream? I went to the Barber's yesterday. I said: 'How much is a haircut?' He said: '$10'. I said:'How much is a shave?' He said: '$5'. I said: 'Shave my head'. I always knew that you could earn good money from magic, because I once overheard my sister telling her friend that she got paid $50 a trick. Enough already! More Valium! |
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Tom Fenton![]() Inner circle Leeds, UK (but I'm Scottish) 1469 Posts ![]() |
I took my car for a service yesterday, I got it stuck in the church doors.
"But there isn't a door"
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totalmagic![]() New user 69 Posts ![]() |
Despite the cost of living have you noticed how it remains so popular.
Maddux |
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john_herm![]() New user NJ 69 Posts ![]() |
One mind-reader said to the other, "You're fine, how am I?"
John ![]() |
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JSBLOOM![]() Inner circle 2020 Posts ![]() |
The following line always gets a laugh...
This is a true story, I just made up yesterday |
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gfdiamond![]() Regular user sweden 198 Posts ![]() |
Don't repeat your parents mistakes, use birth control
geoff diamond
Check me out on Google. Geoff Diamond Magician.
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Ted Danger![]() New user San Francisco/Utila 100 Posts ![]() |
Don't mind him folks, it's just a stage he's going through. (or to)
I come from a large family, Mammals. My Dads with the police, right now.
"One may say the eternal mystery of the world is its comprehensibility." Albert E.
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mrsmiles![]() Elite user 439 Posts ![]() |
Heard about the girl who liked double entendres? she walked into a bar, so the barman gave her one.
mrsmiles
(UK) |
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Bumble![]() New user 25 Posts ![]() |
If I found out my son was using cocaine I'd rub his nose in it
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sean_mh![]() Loyal user 229 Posts ![]() |
I'd give my right arm to be ambidexterous!!!!
Sean |
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Magic Enhancer![]() Inner circle Robert Haas 1805 Posts ![]() |
I said no to drugs....but they just wouldn't listen!!
((exhales)) Robert Haas
Robert Haas
Magic Enhancer Quality magic products for the working professional. www.MagicEnhancer.com |
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trickytrav![]() Veteran user 391 Posts ![]() |
I used to be dyslexic but I'm KO now.
I slept like a log last night, I woke up in the fireplace. |
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Elliott Hodges![]() Veteran user England 324 Posts ![]() |
If you choke a smirf what colour does it go?
I have to say that there are some seriously funny lines in here. |
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harris![]() Inner circle Harris Deutsch 8695 Posts ![]() |
I'm the 3rd of 2 children.
A legend in his own mind. Marcel was a legend in his own mime. We have towels, his, hers and mime. If you can't hear me, raise your hand. I got these from Ebay. I know what you are thinking.....
Harris Deutsch aka dr laugh
drlaugh4u@gmail.com music, magic and marvelous toys http://magician.org/member/drlaugh4u |
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