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Thomas Wayne
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Quote:
On 2008-02-20 17:17, trickytrav wrote:
I used to be dyslexic but I'm KO now.

I slept like a log last night, I woke up in the fireplace.


I slept like a baby... even wet the bed.

TW
MOST magicians: "Here's a quarter, it's gone, you're an idiot, it's back, you're a jerk, show's over." Jerry Seinfeld
LVMagicAL
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460 Posts

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Someone asked me if I had a fairy god-mother……I said, “NO”, but I’ve got an uncle we're keeping a close eye on….

I went to the doctor and he told me I could go any time now. I said “that’s good, because I haven’t gone in the past three days”!

I just joined alcoholics anonymous….I still drink, it’s just that now I do it under an assumed name

I was walking in a forest where a tree fell in front of me…..Keebler elves were scattered EVERYWHERE !
LVMagicAL
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I've learned- that your family won't always be there for you. Unless, of
course, you win the lottery

It’s hard to be nostalgic when you can’t remember anything……

I like going to the International House of Pancakes….regardless of how much you weigh, you just know there’s going to be someone there who weights at least 150 lbs more than you do…
LVMagicAL
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I was living with this girl for three weeks……until she realized that I was there…….

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." --Woody Allen

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night." --Rodney Dangerfield
LVMagicAL
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"Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant." --George Burns

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." --Robin Williams

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked'." --Jerry Seinfeld
LVMagicAL
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"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married." --George Burns

No sense being pessimistic. It probably wouldn't work anyway.

Now that I've given up hope, I feel much better...
LVMagicAL
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Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same." --Oscar Wilde
LVMagicAL
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Somebody STOP ME !
LVMagicAL
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I slept like a baby: up all night with a load in my pants.....

It's a dog eat dog world out there, and I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear......

I don't think my mother liked me much....she breast fed me through a straw.....said she just wanted to be friends......
trickytrav
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Some body please stop him.
LVMagicAL
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I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are
more messed up than you think.

I've learned you should always leave loved ones with kind words; you never know when you may need to borrow some money.

I’m not afraid of dying....I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
LVMagicAL
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I understand exercise and proper diet are the key to long life. Oh, well…

I’m not sure about exercise….it takes too long. I think it’s easier just to avoid mirrors when I’m naked….

I jogged for a mile once….it was the worst three hours of my life!
LVMagicAL
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I'm in no shape to exercise.....I tried jogging but I had to quit....it made my beer foam up!

I tried jogging backwards.....I gained weight!

Now, I just wear ankle weights to bed.....I could roll over and burn a calorie or two....HEY, IT COULD HAPPEN!
LVMagicAL
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“That trick was even better than it looked!”

“You ain't seen nothin’ til you've seen this trick....then, you've seen nothin’!”

It takes three things to be a great magician. It takes looks, I got looks. It takes guts, I got guts. It takes talent....I got guts.”
Bill Scott
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Las Vegas, NV
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Please stop or at least rest a couple of years.
state
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My ancestors have passed down a very serious health problem - Death.
trickytrav
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I still hold my school record for the long jump.
Three hours and twenty five minutes.
ERIC
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You know the reason leprachans laugh when they run through grass is because it tickles their shamrocks!
The Donster
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Some people never go Crazy. What truly Horrible Lives they must lead.
TankTownEek
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I went to the dentist for my check up yesterday...when I walked in the lady behind the desk was just telling someone on the phone that their apointment would be "at 2:30"...

I told her "that's the BEST time to have a dentist apointment..2:30..tooth-hurty"

Been using that one for years but I REALLY did have an appointment yesterday and the rest is TRUE also.

Stole this one from a radio DJ in Jax Fla about 1970
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