Old but hoary!! Gag!!!


I hear Whopee Goldberg is marrying English Actor -Peter Cushing




From now on she'll be known as -Whoppee Cushion!!!

If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster...

A line heard during the Revolutionary War...

"You know about Ben Franklin?? You've heard what he does for fun, right??...next time we have a thunder storm watch him!"

"What's a guy with his arm up a horses butt??...an Amish mechanic"

"I just got a book about all kinds of glues, tape, and adhesives...I just can't put it down!"

HOPE we can keep posting...I love these and look forward to what others poat!!

When she told me I was average, she was just being mean...

"You can tell when a moth farts...it flies in a straight line"

"Your at somebody's house and you use their bathroom...you flush it and the water starts getting higher and higher...that's one of the terrifying moments in life"

"I have an older relitive that's taking iron pills and viagra...so now he points North"

I was so ugly as a child that my parents tied a pork chop around my neck to get the dog to play with me.

I was born one of triplets. My father told my mother to pick the one she wanted to keep cause he was gonna drown the other two...That's when I learned to swim!

Thanks Red Fox.

I heard this on a local radio station today...but it's one the "uses" jokes from Jay Leno and others so this one might have been on there the night before(???)...

"Jack Kavorkian (spelling?? the guy that went to prison for "assisted suicides" but is out now) is 79 years old...it's reported that he's going to run for congress...wow..talk about a possible congressman with skeletons in his closet...wow!!"

That's "funny" no matter where it came from!

also....

"There was a baby born with a full beard and mustache...the mother was tickled pink!!"

"An old guy died..was cremated and put in a small bucket...that was fitting as right before he died he was looking a little pale"

HOPE we can keep these going...we're adding to all our one-liners/groaners!!

What kind of cheese is made in America? American

Wht kind of cheese is made in Switzerland? Swiss

What kind of cheese is made in Scotland? Loch Ness MUNSTER.

Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?

Hear about the pencil with the broken lead? It's pointless.

There is really some good stuff here!

I think its wierd that the word 'fingerpuppet' is ok as a noun.

There are two important rules for success:
1.) Don't tell all you know.

"I gave some Viagra to my lawyer...it just made him taller"

"Some Indians honored a Chinese guy by putting his face on a totum pole...of course he's the "LO" man on the totum pole"

"there should be a law that if you bring a baby into a movie theatre, when the movie is over...everybody gets to slap you!"

"I'm a neurotic juggler...I can worry about 6 things at once"

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.

Will all those who believe in telekinesis please raise my hand.

Why is Phonetics spelled like that?...