The Magic Café
Username:
Password:
[ Lost Password ]
  [ Forgot Username ]
The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » One-liner archive (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

 Go to page [Previous]  1~2~3~4~5~6~7 [Next]
Brent McLeod
View Profile
Inner circle
New Zealand
1700 Posts

Profile of Brent McLeod
Old but hoary!! Gag!!!


I hear Whopee Goldberg is marrying English Actor -Peter Cushing




From now on she'll be known as -Whoppee Cushion!!!
joseph
View Profile
Eternal Order
Please ignore my
17042 Posts

Profile of joseph
If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
FrankBenning
View Profile
Regular user
120 Posts

Profile of FrankBenning
A line heard during the Revolutionary War...

"You know about Ben Franklin?? You've heard what he does for fun, right??...next time we have a thunder storm watch him!"
FrankBenning
View Profile
Regular user
120 Posts

Profile of FrankBenning
"What's a guy with his arm up a horses butt??...an Amish mechanic"

"I just got a book about all kinds of glues, tape, and adhesives...I just can't put it down!"

HOPE we can keep posting...I love these and look forward to what others poat!!
joseph
View Profile
Eternal Order
Please ignore my
17042 Posts

Profile of joseph
When she told me I was average, she was just being mean...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
FrankBenning
View Profile
Regular user
120 Posts

Profile of FrankBenning
"You can tell when a moth farts...it flies in a straight line"

"Your at somebody's house and you use their bathroom...you flush it and the water starts getting higher and higher...that's one of the terrifying moments in life"

"I have an older relitive that's taking iron pills and viagra...so now he points North"
Larry Bean
View Profile
Inner circle
I'm digging enough holes for
2016 Posts

Profile of Larry Bean
I was so ugly as a child that my parents tied a pork chop around my neck to get the dog to play with me.
ERIC
View Profile
Inner circle
New Jersey
1188 Posts

Profile of ERIC
I was born one of triplets. My father told my mother to pick the one she wanted to keep cause he was gonna drown the other two...That's when I learned to swim!

Thanks Red Fox.
FrankBenning
View Profile
Regular user
120 Posts

Profile of FrankBenning
I heard this on a local radio station today...but it's one the "uses" jokes from Jay Leno and others so this one might have been on there the night before(???)...

"Jack Kavorkian (spelling?? the guy that went to prison for "assisted suicides" but is out now) is 79 years old...it's reported that he's going to run for congress...wow..talk about a possible congressman with skeletons in his closet...wow!!"

That's "funny" no matter where it came from!

also....

"There was a baby born with a full beard and mustache...the mother was tickled pink!!"

"An old guy died..was cremated and put in a small bucket...that was fitting as right before he died he was looking a little pale"

HOPE we can keep these going...we're adding to all our one-liners/groaners!!
Neznarf
View Profile
Inner circle
NY then AZ now
1840 Posts

Profile of Neznarf
What kind of cheese is made in America? American

Wht kind of cheese is made in Switzerland? Swiss

What kind of cheese is made in Scotland? Loch Ness MUNSTER.
"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...it's about learning how to dance in the rain."
Larry Bean
View Profile
Inner circle
I'm digging enough holes for
2016 Posts

Profile of Larry Bean
Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
daffydoug
View Profile
Eternal Order
Look mom! I've got
14063 Posts

Profile of daffydoug
Hear about the pencil with the broken lead? It's pointless.
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
Vegasvent
View Profile
Loyal user
Phoenix
288 Posts

Profile of Vegasvent
There is really some good stuff here!
Magical Phil-Kidzshow, LLC

"My Wife says that either all of my Stuff goes, or she does......" "Boy, I'm sure gonna miss her cookin'."
shooz
View Profile
Regular user
Zelienople, PA
191 Posts

Profile of shooz
I think its wierd that the word 'fingerpuppet' is ok as a noun.
With you in thought(s)

Scott Shoemaker...Shooz
Vegasvent
View Profile
Loyal user
Phoenix
288 Posts

Profile of Vegasvent
There are two important rules for success:
1.) Don't tell all you know.
Magical Phil-Kidzshow, LLC

"My Wife says that either all of my Stuff goes, or she does......" "Boy, I'm sure gonna miss her cookin'."
FrankBenning
View Profile
Regular user
120 Posts

Profile of FrankBenning
"I gave some Viagra to my lawyer...it just made him taller"

"Some Indians honored a Chinese guy by putting his face on a totum pole...of course he's the "LO" man on the totum pole"
FrankBenning
View Profile
Regular user
120 Posts

Profile of FrankBenning
"there should be a law that if you bring a baby into a movie theatre, when the movie is over...everybody gets to slap you!"

"I'm a neurotic juggler...I can worry about 6 things at once"
Chappo
View Profile
Special user
Bris Vegas
754 Posts

Profile of Chappo
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.
The rules of a sleight of hand artist, Are three, and all others are vain,

The 1st & the 2nd are practice... And the 3rd one is practice again


- 'Magic of the Hands', Edward Victor (1940)
Larry Bean
View Profile
Inner circle
I'm digging enough holes for
2016 Posts

Profile of Larry Bean
Will all those who believe in telekinesis please raise my hand.
joseph
View Profile
Eternal Order
Please ignore my
17042 Posts

Profile of joseph
Why is Phonetics spelled like that?...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » One-liner archive (0 Likes)
 Go to page [Previous]  1~2~3~4~5~6~7 [Next]
[ Top of Page ]
All content & postings Copyright © 2001-2020 Steve Brooks. All Rights Reserved.
This page was created in 0.15 seconds requiring 5 database queries.
The views and comments expressed on The Magic Café
are not necessarily those of The Magic Café, Steve Brooks, or Steve Brooks Magic.
> Privacy Statement <

ROTFL Billions and billions served! ROTFL