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Thomas Wayne Inner circle Alaska 1977 Posts |
Quote:
On 2008-02-20 17:17, trickytrav wrote: I slept like a baby... even wet the bed. TW
MOST magicians: "Here's a quarter, it's gone, you're an idiot, it's back, you're a jerk, show's over." Jerry Seinfeld
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LVMagicAL Elite user 460 Posts |
Someone asked me if I had a fairy god-mother……I said, “NO”, but I’ve got an uncle we're keeping a close eye on….
I went to the doctor and he told me I could go any time now. I said “that’s good, because I haven’t gone in the past three days”! I just joined alcoholics anonymous….I still drink, it’s just that now I do it under an assumed name I was walking in a forest where a tree fell in front of me…..Keebler elves were scattered EVERYWHERE ! |
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LVMagicAL Elite user 460 Posts |
I've learned- that your family won't always be there for you. Unless, of
course, you win the lottery It’s hard to be nostalgic when you can’t remember anything…… I like going to the International House of Pancakes….regardless of how much you weigh, you just know there’s going to be someone there who weights at least 150 lbs more than you do… |
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LVMagicAL Elite user 460 Posts |
I was living with this girl for three weeks……until she realized that I was there…….
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." --Woody Allen "Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night." --Rodney Dangerfield |
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LVMagicAL Elite user 460 Posts |
"Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant." --George Burns
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." --Robin Williams "There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked'." --Jerry Seinfeld |
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LVMagicAL Elite user 460 Posts |
"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married." --George Burns
No sense being pessimistic. It probably wouldn't work anyway. Now that I've given up hope, I feel much better... |
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LVMagicAL Elite user 460 Posts |
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now "Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same." --Oscar Wilde |
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LVMagicAL Elite user 460 Posts |
Somebody STOP ME !
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LVMagicAL Elite user 460 Posts |
I slept like a baby: up all night with a load in my pants.....
It's a dog eat dog world out there, and I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear...... I don't think my mother liked me much....she breast fed me through a straw.....said she just wanted to be friends...... |
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trickytrav Veteran user 391 Posts |
Some body please stop him.
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LVMagicAL Elite user 460 Posts |
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are
more messed up than you think. I've learned you should always leave loved ones with kind words; you never know when you may need to borrow some money. I’m not afraid of dying....I just don’t want to be there when it happens. |
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LVMagicAL Elite user 460 Posts |
I understand exercise and proper diet are the key to long life. Oh, well…
I’m not sure about exercise….it takes too long. I think it’s easier just to avoid mirrors when I’m naked…. I jogged for a mile once….it was the worst three hours of my life! |
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LVMagicAL Elite user 460 Posts |
I'm in no shape to exercise.....I tried jogging but I had to quit....it made my beer foam up!
I tried jogging backwards.....I gained weight! Now, I just wear ankle weights to bed.....I could roll over and burn a calorie or two....HEY, IT COULD HAPPEN! |
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LVMagicAL Elite user 460 Posts |
“That trick was even better than it looked!”
“You ain't seen nothin’ til you've seen this trick....then, you've seen nothin’!” It takes three things to be a great magician. It takes looks, I got looks. It takes guts, I got guts. It takes talent....I got guts.” |
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Bill Scott Regular user Las Vegas, NV 119 Posts |
Please stop or at least rest a couple of years.
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state Loyal user 202 Posts |
My ancestors have passed down a very serious health problem - Death.
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trickytrav Veteran user 391 Posts |
I still hold my school record for the long jump.
Three hours and twenty five minutes. |
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ERIC Inner circle New Jersey 1188 Posts |
You know the reason leprachans laugh when they run through grass is because it tickles their shamrocks!
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The Donster Inner circle 4817 Posts |
Some people never go Crazy. What truly Horrible Lives they must lead.
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TankTownEek New user 15 Posts |
I went to the dentist for my check up yesterday...when I walked in the lady behind the desk was just telling someone on the phone that their apointment would be "at 2:30"...
I told her "that's the BEST time to have a dentist apointment..2:30..tooth-hurty" Been using that one for years but I REALLY did have an appointment yesterday and the rest is TRUE also. Stole this one from a radio DJ in Jax Fla about 1970 |
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