The Magic Café
Username:
Password:
[ Lost Password ]
  [ Forgot Username ]
The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Looking out for our own » » My Very Own Personal Struggle. (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

Eddini_81976
View Profile
Inner circle
2183 Posts

Profile of Eddini_81976
(Yes I ORIGINALLY wrote this in "Your getting very sleepy" BUT it was in another subject. Anyway here is my struggle I've dealt with EVEN before meeting all you wonderful family. Anyway I'm still getting use to this medicine, It works well, they need to INCREASE it, but even with that it's still kicking my as* a little bit. I nod off everywhere, on the toliet, my computer...etc, that's normal. I finally am, and so is my family proud of me. God Bless You ALL, Ed)

Yes I have Bipolar "Manic Depression" Disorder, Panic Attack Disorder, and BAD Opiate (Pain Killer) Addiction, 10 years now. You see I've tried meetings, detoxes, rehabs, and so on in the past. I've NEVER done Methadone Maintenance though. I was so scared of telling my Psychiatrist. You see because of my Panic Attacks I take Klonopin, which is addictive. However I've NEVER misused or abused it EVER. I DISAGREE that if you're a addict you need to stay away from all things addictive. I drink maybe 3 times a year and have never had a problem. Anyway I was afraid to tell my Psychiatrist, because I thought he'd take the Klonopin away from me. It's the ONLY thing that works. I've tried other medications. My Panic Attacks were so bad I lived in fear and lots of times was afraid to leave my house. Anyway it was my Hypnotherapist / Therapist, who talked me into telling my Psychiatrist. I did and he was very understanding, and all my medicines have stayed the same. They both reccomended Methadone Maintenance, and FINALLY my family is happy as this really is MY LAST OPTION.

It's a serious undertaking. EVERYDAY 7 days a week holidays included (unless you earn the right to get "take home bottles" on holidays...etc.) I have to go to the clinic 6am-9am. YES I know it's subsituting one opiate for another, but again Methadone is pretty safe. Yes we've heard of deaths such as Anna Nicole Smith, and Her Son Daniel, BUT they were mixing it with other stuff. To be in the clinic they randomly **** test you, you HAVE to see a drug counselor once a week for a half an hour, you have to go to two meetings either A.A., or N.A. Also ONLY if you want every Friday at 9AM there is a Methadone discussion group. Today (Saturday 6-23-07) will be my THIRD time getting "Dosed". While I was never on heroin, I was taking like 4-5 days a week more on than off the past 10 years I was taking 20-30 pills (Percocet, Vicoden) mostly, plus, I'd take Avinza the 24 hour long acting Morphine, Oxycontin, and Demerol more rarely. The withdrawals are BAD. Now I'm finally getting my drug addiction, AS WELL as my Bipolar & Anxiety Disorder taking care of.

I NOW finally as if I'm doing better. You see my biggest problem even BEFORE the drugs has always been a persistent low mood (Dysthymia). I've been on like 20-30 different Antidepressants as well as periods without them. I'd still have a low-mood. The ONLY I felt happy, at peace, calm, and like a big burden is lifted off my shoulders is after I took 12 Percocet. I mean my cravings were so bad I'd shake and cry. When I wasn't using I'd stay off the computer, I'd keep to myself because I was miserable, and sad. However when I would use, I'd be on the computer a lot, I'm very friendly, more motivated, I'd talk to anyone.

(I've been a Magician, Psychic Entertainer, and now learning Hypnotism). I've been a Magician 15-16 years now, and I'm well known in my town, as like the guy on T.V. David Blaine, for 10 years now, I've been a Street Performer, every summer, same place same time every summer so I have my "Regulars / Fans". Anyway my favorite was performing while high, because even without drugs I'd have a NATURAL high. Anyway and yes I know ALL addicts say this, but I TRULY was better at performing when I was high. I make tips and so on, and I'd find I'd get more in tips. You see I'm funnier, I'm more better with the one-liners, my confidence is better, I smile more, and so on. As I said I'm kinda irritable without the drugs, I'm a lot more quiet and so on. Also when I feel good, I want to DO GOOD for myself. Normally, because I FEAR the word "no", and rejection, while at Restuarants, I would do my Magic, and talk to the Manager, and give a good pitch.

One time I went to this coffee place while high, I did some Magic for this girl. Anyway a week later in the town over from mine where the Café was, it was called "Apple Harvest Day" the owner who got feedback and my card from the girl I did Magic for called me (A Former Police Detective) and had me stand out front, for 4 hours, I only charged THEN $100.00, BUT I ALSO made tips. Also I've CREATED tricks, decsent ones too from what I've been told while I was high. Look, I'm NOT glorifying Drugs, and I'm not proud, but those were the reasons WHY I did them, and how I would become, and how I was off of them. I talked to the doctor Thurday (The first day I was dosed), and I told him WITH ALL SINCERITY, that for SOME people pain killers should be used for depression.

My Best Friend slash step-dad didn't agree saying being high WAS NOT SUCCESSIVELY treating depression. He even is happy I'm finally moving forwards as far as my drug use goes. HOWEVER I even was surprised the DOCTOR AGREED with me. He said some people are not "normal" without something extra. He further said that Methadone has ANTIDEPRESSANT and ANTIANXIETY properties to it. He said it's the best and SAFEST opiate, because it has a 12 hour active life, but that it has a 36 hour half life. The ONLY reason it's controversial, and people have died is because people KEPT USING while on Methadone Maintenance.

They start you off low then they raise it till you are comfortable, and the craving go away. It acts as a blockade as LONG as you are at a high enough dose. That means while on a stable dose of Methadone, if I were to take Oxycontin, it WOULDn"T DO ANYTHING so why waste your time or money. ALSO you are under the VERY CLOSE supervision of a doctor. While yes it's subsituting one drug for another it's MORE safe and you're NOT self-medicating. As I said I've TRIED everything else and this is my LAST resort. I'm so happy. Life is better, I'm learning Hypnosis, and will get a career in that, and also I FINALLY got a G/F, and she's happy and proud of me.
"Treat Others As You'd Want To Be Treated" - Jesus Christ
rowdymagi5
View Profile
Inner circle
Virginia
3133 Posts

Profile of rowdymagi5
Good luck! Keep us posted how things go for you!
Eddini_81976
View Profile
Inner circle
2183 Posts

Profile of Eddini_81976
Thanks Ed, (Eddini).
"Treat Others As You'd Want To Be Treated" - Jesus Christ
Justin Style
View Profile
Inner circle
2010 Posts

Profile of Justin Style
Hang in there. I work at a LOT of treatment facilities and I wish you the best. I am more into natural healing instead of drugs. But check out this guy: GARY NULL.
He can help!


http://www.garynull.com

Good luck-

Justin
Eddini_81976
View Profile
Inner circle
2183 Posts

Profile of Eddini_81976
So Justin WICKED COOL. I'm guessing you do your Magic there. Well ROCK ON BROTHER and GOD BLESS YOU, Ed, (EDDINI) !!!
"Treat Others As You'd Want To Be Treated" - Jesus Christ
Justin Style
View Profile
Inner circle
2010 Posts

Profile of Justin Style
Quote:
On 2007-06-28 16:19, Eddini_81976 wrote:
So Justin WICKED COOL. I'm guessing you do your Magic there. Well ROCK ON BROTHER and GOD BLESS YOU, Ed, (EDDINI) !!!



Yes, I have been performing in psychiatric centers and mental health facilities for aprox, 20 years. Magic Magazine did a story about me/it in this past April issue.

Anyway, hang in there and good luck...you can/will do it!

Justin
Eddini_81976
View Profile
Inner circle
2183 Posts

Profile of Eddini_81976
Thanks you rock. I've been in those places on 43 separate occasions. The first time was when I was 18, from 12-15-94 / 1-5-95, I was there exactly 3 weeks. My Dad had passed away 8-94. Then starting like in 97, EVER WINTER 2-3 times a winter (Occasionally more) I would get depresssed. Though I'm Manic Depressive (Bipolar), they have weeks of little sleep (Manic Periods), Bad Business descision, Indiscreet Sex, Angered Easily, Increased Money Spending, .... ETC. I'm Type II, which is Hypnomania, less severe. When I go in it's for Depression, Suicidal Ideation, Lonliness, sometimes with drugs in the mix sometimes not. Anyway it's great that you work in those places. I DO MAGIC in them when I'm there....lol. I don't get Magic Magazine. It's sad. I don't get genii either. I like Magic the best out of the 2 anyhow. Maybe if I can I'll get a copy, Ed, (Eddini).
"Treat Others As You'd Want To Be Treated" - Jesus Christ
Justin Style
View Profile
Inner circle
2010 Posts

Profile of Justin Style
No probs Ed Thanks. Hang in there, I'm pulling for ya! If I can do it, you can too!
Tom Fenton
View Profile
Inner circle
Leeds, UK (but I'm Scottish)
1463 Posts

Profile of Tom Fenton
Ed,
Hang in there. I'm also a Bi-polar sufferer.

Honest, you can fight it, I was hospitalised a few times between 1992 and the present due to Gulf War 1. I look at myself and say "I'm not going down today". Mostly it works, sometimes it doesn't. It is something I've trained myself to do over the years.

Take your meds, talk to others and try to beleive that you won't be bad TODAY.

Warmest wishes to you and yours
Tom
"But there isn't a door"
Eddini_81976
View Profile
Inner circle
2183 Posts

Profile of Eddini_81976
Thanks. The Hypnotherapy AS WELL as my daily meds and counseling works GREAT together. May I suggest to those like me TRY HYPNOTHERAPY with the SOFT WARM TYPE OF THERAPIST. It really works. I PROMISE it'll help you too, Ed, (Eddini) ... Ooooowww !!!
"Treat Others As You'd Want To Be Treated" - Jesus Christ
Eddini_81976
View Profile
Inner circle
2183 Posts

Profile of Eddini_81976
Not tp get personal, or put any Magician in a "Bad Light", even though IT IS TRULY A DISEASE, except for the couple of Magicians I do know who have had struggled with Addiction, and Psychological Disorder, such as the late and talented Paul Rosini, I wouldn't mind knowing of others. I know Doc Eason, in his "Bar Magic" volume 3 I believe talking about the dangers Bar Magicians have as far as really crawling into the bottle, and he said something to the effect, that's there's been a few well known Bar Magician (I only know of a couple of "Famous Bar Magicians" who turned Alcoholic. I know some may say "Ed what does that matter", true it's not my business, but at the same time I DON'T judge, and I keep things said to me in the strictess of confidence and I'd be a Hypocrite. It would just make me as a MAGICIAN feel less alone in my battle to know of other Magicians who have struggled with Alcohol (Though I've never had a drinking problem) and drugs. Anyone want to PM me go ahead. Again this is NOT to celebrate this kind of thing but at least I'd know I'm not very rare as far as Magician / Mentalist / Escape Artist ..etc, to deal with this. ONLY PM me if you are FOR SURE though. Anyway most importantly thank you all here for your support, Ed, (Eddini).
"Treat Others As You'd Want To Be Treated" - Jesus Christ
Andy the cardician
View Profile
Inner circle
A street named after my dad
3370 Posts

Profile of Andy the cardician
Thanks for sharing - keep up your efforts.

All the best

Andy
Cards never lie
benjie84
View Profile
Loyal user
New Jersey
234 Posts

Profile of benjie84
Keep up the good work. its hard but a road with no obstacles probably leads nowhere...you'll get there man!

benj
JamesTong
View Profile
Eternal Order
Malaysia
11208 Posts

Profile of JamesTong
Congratulations! Things are now getting better for you, Eddini. Keep up the good fight and you are winning now.
ccccchunt
View Profile
New user
35 Posts

Profile of ccccchunt
Ed,
I wish you all the best. I had a bad time with pain killers after I had my spine fused in 3 places. I had a doctor (my wife called him Dr. Feelgood) that believed in maximum numbness. Well, when it was time to stop taking my meds it was the absolute worst time of my life. Being the proud person I am, I did not ask for help and quit cold turkey. After spending 4 days locked in my bedroom going through DT's I finally did it. I have not taken a pain killer since out of the pure fear of becoming addicted again. I salute you for being strong and wish you luck in your road forward. May your craft and love for magic/mentalism help you along your way!!!!

Chris
chrusa
View Profile
Special user
Connecticut
736 Posts

Profile of chrusa
Ed, I would love to talk to you as I just found this post I wanted to talk privately. YOur profile is currently unavailable can you email me please?
Thanks,
<BR>
<BR>Chris Hrusa
The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Looking out for our own » » My Very Own Personal Struggle. (0 Likes)
[ Top of Page ]
All content & postings Copyright © 2001-2020 Steve Brooks. All Rights Reserved.
This page was created in 0.19 seconds requiring 5 database queries.
The views and comments expressed on The Magic Café
are not necessarily those of The Magic Café, Steve Brooks, or Steve Brooks Magic.
> Privacy Statement <

ROTFL Billions and billions served! ROTFL