So since Danny thinks I've got the sense of humor of a goat, let me ask...what are some lines that you guys use in your shows. I like the 1 liner approach for most of my stuff but am curious what works well for you guys.

One of my favorite lines I just heard again from Lee Asher's Announcements was what to say when someone says "Hey...can you make my wife disappear?" Two great responses would be:

1. You keep making comments like that and she will!
2. Are you kidding...I need all the audience I can get!

CLASSIC!!!!

Old time favorite - "This is New Jersey. For a price, anyone can disappear." Just substitute where you're from.

Could we all do me a favor and stop calling me out for no reason in threads?

Then people often complain when I bite back!

Can you make my wife disappear??

Here's a good response...
"Yes, I can do that...but If I disappear at the same time, would you become suspicious?

Brett

Goats are a fine animal.

Especially in Canada and Missouri (as opposed to Missoura)

Nice Brett...I like that bit too!

"Actually she already has a deposit on you, why do you think your here?"

"With an attitude like that it will happen soon enough"

I always tell them "Too much paperwork" And while I haven't done it yet - I'll make up a little nonesense contract I can pull out at the time "Please fill this out Sir"

People ask me what is the secret. I ask them if they can keep a secret. They tell me yes. I say, "I can too."

People tell me to change their one dollar bill into a hundred dollar bill. I say, " I would, but it is illegal, you could be undercover secret service." If I am set up I will do a switch.

After I cough up a card..."What's wrong? You and I both know you can't catch herpes twice."

I personally hate it when guys ask me to make their wife disappear! No matter how much she is smiling on the outside...on the inside she is probably not.

Having done strolling magic professionally for over a decade now…I have heard that line way too many times…and I have always been uncomfortable with it. Some situations aren’t as bad as others…but sometimes you can really see the humiliation in her face.

I have always treated this unfortunate situation by ignoring the statement and then immediately giving the woman a polite compliment...then carrying on with the magic.

This is what works best for me…

Cody S. Fisher

I like the money line "I can change your $1 to a hundred but then I charge a $99 processing fee.

What about lines for "how do you do that?" I use:

1. Can you keep a secret? Yea...so can I!
2. I do it very well...thank you.
3. With my hands
4. I have no idea, my wife won't explain the tricks to me. Buggs me to death!

What do you guys say?

I say I rather cut her in half,but then I do not know which half to keep the half that eats or the half that......This usually shut them up..Howard

I personally don't like it when people just ask workers for their lines. That's what makes someone. Everyone can do the same trick, they don't hire you for the tricks, they hire you to be YOU. I don't give away lines and I hate performing for magicians in case they steal them. I think you should work up your own lines so they are funny for you. Some of the lines suggested will only work for older people, try saying "Sure I can, but if I disappear at the same time would you become suspicious" if your a 17 year old kid. even 20 or so, you're liable to get hit or fired. Lines are made for the people that created them, that's why Gazzo has his lines, Eugene Burger has his, Matt Schulien has his, Eddie Fechter had his, David Williamson has his. You'll hear others do their lines and they just aren't funny. Don't take others lines, create your own so they are funny for you or else they aren't genuine and they'll never be funny.

Pete

I kinda agree with Pete SPEEDcuber, lines need to fit the character. Try to Be like GAzzo or anyone else other than yourself, your character, and others might get offended. You have to be careful with dirty jokes too depending on your audience.

However, I think asking for advice on what lines workers use is ok, IMHO, just try not to copy it word for word, and it need to fit you.

Posted: Aug 22, 2007 11:00pm
Quote:


On 2007-08-22 13:37, lylemagic wrote:
I like the money line "I can change your $1 to a hundred but then I charge a $99 processing fee.



Hehe, I like this one too.

Speed...

I agree with you! I began this thread NOT to steal others lines but to see what other stuff people were using. Trying to start threads that haven't been done already that are a bit "LIGHTER" than the other threads I began (Sponge Bunnies, Lines, etc). Beginning to run out of ideas...

As for my lines, most of what I use is improved on the spot....

Just look at any old tired line used by Groucho, Henny Youngman, Bob Hope, or Jack Benny, then you have Milton Berle's act, and I steal all my material from that.