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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » Corona Smith, Bitterman and Co present - !!! THE HECKLING PIT !!! (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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Corona Smith
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At the Zoo and Logical Times we get many requests from ailing performers wondering how best to deal with the dreaded Heckler whilst presenting their artform. As always we are happy to help and you may now consider this thread your heckling home!

We suggest you introduce yourself and perhaps relate some short but amusing anecdote from your life, our fully trained professional hecklers will do their worst.

Your job is to come back with an off the cuff karaoke origami linguistic deflection that will preserve the mastery of your domain!

Ready, steady, ZEN!!!

Corona.
Corona Smith
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Gerroff!!!
Rupert Bair
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Ladies and gentlemen I've had a hard life, by the age of five I was shipped out to England from my native Tailabog and forced to dress up like a monkey and entertain the guests of my millionaire masters. They didn't feed me and I wasn't aloud to sleep. Once I tried to run away and they cut of my feet. I killed them in there sleep and I went to young offenders prison for ten years where I became everyones friend. But not in a good way. A puny little kid I was beaten and insulted and occasionally I was forced to don the monkey suit and entertain the guys at various parties such as Christmas parties. FOR TEN YEARS I TOOK THIS HUMILIATION. I killed all of em. I claimed insanity and the judge didn't buy it so I shot him in the eye with a spitball.

He let me off on account of being "visually unappealing and morally wrong with a dash of incompetence and hint of insanity" I felt rejected from prison.

For the past few years I have been rejected by every woman, even the ones you have to pay.

My jokes fail to make people laugh and usually end up smelling like rotten tomatoes when I leave my shows.

Rejection is now my life, its all I've ever known. If you'd like me to leave this stage right now, I will do.

(Breaks down and cries)

Goodnight cruel world.
coupcoupdaddy
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Goodnight Matt.
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bitterman
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Dance, monkey boy, dance.
If you are not cheating, you are only cheating yourself.

Dutchco is about to put out some new Ebook: DUTCHCO. Get 'em while you can.
Corona Smith
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Quote:
On 2007-09-02 08:58, Matt Colman wrote:
Ladies and gentlemen I've had a hard life, by the age of five I was shipped out to England from my native Tailabog and forced to dress up like a monkey and entertain the guests of my millionaire masters. They didn't feed me and I wasn't aloud to sleep. Once I tried to run away and they cut of my feet. I killed them in there sleep and I went to young offenders prison for ten years where I became everyones friend. But not in a good way. A puny little kid I was beaten and insulted and occasionally I was forced to don the monkey suit and entertain the guys at various parties such as Christmas parties. FOR TEN YEARS I TOOK THIS HUMILIATION. I killed all of em. I claimed insanity and the judge didn't buy it so I shot him in the eye with a spitball.

He let me off on account of being "visually unappealing and morally wrong with a dash of incompetence and hint of insanity" I felt rejected from prison.

For the past few years I have been rejected by every woman, even the ones you have to pay.

My jokes fail to make people laugh and usually end up smelling like rotten tomatoes when I leave my shows.

Rejection is now my life, its all I've ever known. If you'd like me to leave this stage right now, I will do.

(Breaks down and cries)

Goodnight cruel world.


You just want us to feel sorry for you, pah! Maybe you should learn a trade, dosser!

Corona.
magicgeorge
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It's a well known fact that your average Tailabogian can whinge until they're blue in the face.

Woo, zippy.

g
coupcoupdaddy
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G, need I remind you came in here as silly putty on colman's shoe fresh and weird from the puppet people
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Corona Smith
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Things are hotting up!

Shrinking violets, be warned!
Rupert Bair
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*Sssh I'm sleeping*
coupcoupdaddy
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Shhh For
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magicgeorge
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TH need I point out you just did.

The Mustardman's shoe made quite an impression but, on the other hand, I have no toes.

George
coupcoupdaddy
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All heel?
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bitterman
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It worked! I feel very sorry for him.
If you are not cheating, you are only cheating yourself.

Dutchco is about to put out some new Ebook: DUTCHCO. Get 'em while you can.
Josh Riel
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Quote:
On 2007-09-02 08:58, Matt Colman wrote:
They didn't feed me and I wasn't aloud to sleep.


You used the wrong word Cat Moleman. You wanted allowed, you got aloud. One of these things are not like the other, one of these things do not belong. Your magic is bad and you should feel bad.
Magic is doing improbable things with odd items that, under normal circumstances, would be unnessecary and quite often undesirable.
bitterman
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Your kung fu is weak.
If you are not cheating, you are only cheating yourself.

Dutchco is about to put out some new Ebook: DUTCHCO. Get 'em while you can.
Josh Riel
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That show wasn't mine. It was someone else's fault, and it was weak. One day I hope you will realize how wrong you have been.
Magic is doing improbable things with odd items that, under normal circumstances, would be unnessecary and quite often undesirable.
Rupert Bair
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I feel bad now Smile

I'm crying allowed.
Corona Smith
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Don't despair Mr. Coal man, the 'sshh I'm sleeping' line was okay...

However in a real life performance situation that may not be appropriate, as you may **** off the rest of the audience.

The secret with Hecklers is to make them feel they are the only one behaving awfully, because everyone else is thoroughly enjoying themselves. Of course.

Your grammar, whilst poor, is quite a nice old lady, just remember that, and you'll be okay.

Corona.

p.s

A blind man can see it
A deaf man can hear it
And if you eat it, your dead!

What is it?
Rupert Bair
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My ego?
The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » Corona Smith, Bitterman and Co present - !!! THE HECKLING PIT !!! (0 Likes)
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