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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Not very magical, still... » » Well... (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

Rupert Bair
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2112 Posts

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3 weeks have gone past since we've seen him.

I hope to god they haven't eaten him.

We'll drink whiskey and beer.

We'll cop the lot.

And pray my camel comes home tonight.

M:C
Poet Laureate, and friend of M:C
Josh the Superfluous
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Yesterday naked on the stair,

I met a naked man who wasn't there,

He wasn't there naked again today,

I wish to God he'd go away...naked.
What do you want in a site? "Honesty, integrity and decency." -Mike Doogan
"I hate it, I hate my ironic lovechild. I didn't even have anything to do with it" Josh #2
Rupert Bair
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Today I saw a lady.

She was very very hairy.

When I asked her name she said Harry.

Turns out she was a man.
Josh the Superfluous
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A blind man screamed
A deaf man sneezed
A pleasant lady sat there looking very pleased
If you don't believe what I say is true
Ask the one armed plumber, he saw it too
What do you want in a site? "Honesty, integrity and decency." -Mike Doogan
"I hate it, I hate my ironic lovechild. I didn't even have anything to do with it" Josh #2
Bill Nuvo
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Once there was this man named Larry
Who had an egg-shaped head that was really kinda hairy
He went out on day, in the month of May to find a cup of soup
He turned around and then he found he had to take a poop
It was then that he realized that she was standing there
Looking at his egg-shaped head with all that long blond hair
He finally got some courage and what he said was this
"I mean you no disrespect but I have to leave you miss"
"That's Okay" said she "I see you need to use the john
I just hope for heaven's sake that you don't take too long"
"I won't" said he " and this I guarantee
I want to see a show tonight. Will you go with me?"
She answered "Yes" and hugged him tight
He didn't want to stop her. He didn't want to fight
Than all of a sudden there was the real big noise
Like the sound you get with beans and little boys
Larry was embarrassed, the girl was unsure
Oh my God hold your nose, the man smells like manure
The moral of the story is: When nature calls, do not hesitate
For if you do, you pay the price. You deserve your awful fate
MagiClyde
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Columbus, Ohio
871 Posts

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Here's an old chestnut, but still funny!

Beans, beans, the magical fruit
the more you eat, the more you toot.
The more you toot, the better you feel,
beans, beans for every meal.

That's one way to solve the "gas" shortage! Don't hold anything back!
Magic! The quicker picker-upper!
Eddie Garland
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Hells Kitchen, New York City
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I kissed the friendly brown eyed cow
that gives me milk and cheese
I'm lying in my nursery now
with hoof and mouth disease.
Chrystal
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Canada/France
1552 Posts

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Ladies and Gentlemen,
Jets and Germs
Cockeyed mosquitoes
and bull legged worms
The admission is free,
just pay at the door
Pull up a chair
And sit on the floor

One dark sunny night
Two dead boys got up to fight
Back to back
They faced each other
Pulled out a sword
And shot each other

A deaf policeman
heard this noise
And came to shoot
These two dead boys

If you don't believe
my lie is true
Ask the blindman
He saw it too.

(Hope I haven't offended anyone with with politically incorrect poem I used to recite at age 10) Suprisingly I still remember it!

Chrystal
stoneunhinged
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Is this all Haiku? I've always wanted to write Haiku. I like Haiku.

Jeff
Cliffg37
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Long Beach, CA
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There once was a man from Nantucket....

oops, I'd better not tell that one here..
Magic is like Science,
Both are fun if you do it right!
Corona Smith
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Airstrip One
1689 Posts

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Quote:
On 2007-09-15 03:15, stoneunhinged wrote:
Is this all Haiku? I've always wanted to write Haiku. I like Haiku.

Jeff


18 syllables, but we're not fussy.
Rupert Bair
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The big fat monkey sits in a lonely tree

eating all his jam quietly.
ed rhodes
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Rhode Island
2754 Posts

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Quote:
On 2007-09-15 00:43, Eddie Garland wrote:
I kissed the friendly brown eyed cow
that gives me milk and cheese
I'm lying in my nursery now
with hoof and mouth disease.


I've never seen a purple cow,
I hope I never see one.
But if I see a purple cow,
I'd rather see than be one.]

(I never could do haiku. This one doesn't fit the rhyme scheme, but I guess Ian Fleming couldn't do haiku either.)

You only live twice,
Once when you're born
and once when you look
death in the face
"There's no time to lose," I heard her say.
"Catch your dreams before they slip away."
"Dying all the time, lose your dreams and you could lose your mind.
Ain't life unkind?"
Chrystal
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Mine wasn't a haiku. Here's a site to teach haiku for beginners.

http://www.arttech.ab.ca/pbrown/haiku/lesson1.html

Happy reading!

C
stoneunhinged
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Chrystal, thanks for the help. But it won't help. I'm easily confused. Especially by haiku. And haiku is *everywhere*. EVERYWHERE, I say!

But my entry for this thread, in 18 unfussy syllables:

A horse is a horse
Of course of course
Unless of course
It's a talking horse


Is there a smiley for horses? :horse:

:Jeff:
Josh the Superfluous
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Oh poor kitty, please do tell
why are you stinky
and why do you swell?
Are you just tired?
Do you need to be fed?
Could this be related
to that gash on your head?
I'd go to the vet, but I know what he'd say:
"Go ask your friends at The Magic Café"
What do you want in a site? "Honesty, integrity and decency." -Mike Doogan
"I hate it, I hate my ironic lovechild. I didn't even have anything to do with it" Josh #2
stoneunhinged
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Smile Smile Smile
Josh the Superfluous
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A Yakima Chi-Chi's was desperate one day
to hire some new talent, but they couldn't pay
The balloon twisting clown said "No money, No deal
Perhaps you should contact that guy named Josh Riel"
So management called him and woke up the lush
"What?" his phone answered, with a belch and a flush
He said he would do it, and they asked him "When?"
He said around noon (If he's sober by then)
And then he walked in, at a quarter to four
"I'm working for beer so make that tap pour!"
His t-shirt was stained
His fly was unzipped
His pants would be tight (if the seat wasn't ripped)
His hands were both empty he didn't have props
They were used as exhibits by the Yakima cops
The staff became nervous, not sure what to do
They spaced out the tables so he could walk through
After 12 beers, to his pocket he went
and brought out some cards
stained, soggy and bent
"Take one of these" he said "I wont peek"
"Now put your name on it, while I take a leak"
He went to the bathroom, and didn't come out
His living condition, by the staff, was in doubt
They pushed and pushed and pushed on the door
Wedged up against it was Josh on the floor
They put on some gloves and dragged the bum out
the restroom was trashed, they started to shout
He said "Take it easy. Everything' s cool.
I left you a refund on the floor, in a pool."
What do you want in a site? "Honesty, integrity and decency." -Mike Doogan
"I hate it, I hate my ironic lovechild. I didn't even have anything to do with it" Josh #2
Rupert Bair
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HA! Kudos to Josh the uglyous ventriloquistous manous dolous.
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