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Craig Matsuoka Loyal user Kailua, Hawaii 271 Posts |
When the fireman slid down the pole
He held onto his cereal-filled bowl Tragically, his spoon Fell a little too soon Now his bottom has a lovely new hole Those Youtube magicians are strange |
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Tone Elite user 423 Posts |
Those YouTube magicians are strange
The exposure and banter and mange And in fifty years Through laughter and tears It will be we and not they who have changed. |
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Top Hat Inner circle We peed on you! 1077 Posts |
Was a limerick magician most weird,
This mysterious chap, Gave a quick finger snap, And the very first line disappeared. Do you hang to the left or the right?
TH
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Tone Elite user 423 Posts |
^
Nice! (sorry I forgot the whole next line bit) Do you hang to the left or the right? Do your pants fit baggy or tight? Do these thoughts fill your mind While you drive yourself blind Browsing these forums all night? I might as well tell you up front |
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Top Hat Inner circle We peed on you! 1077 Posts |
I might as well tell you up front,
When I wake up each morning I grunt. After picking my nose, I examine my toes, And then fart in your face. To be blunt. When the telephone rang it was Clive,
TH
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Thomas Wayne Inner circle Alaska 1977 Posts |
When the telephone rang it was Clive,
And he spoke with unusual jive: "Pho shizzle ma nizzle Ma hizzous M bizzle" I told him I'd happily drive The web has great deals for consumers
MOST magicians: "Here's a quarter, it's gone, you're an idiot, it's back, you're a jerk, show's over." Jerry Seinfeld
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Top Hat Inner circle We peed on you! 1077 Posts |
The web has great deals for consumers,
Making profits for all dot com boomers, But before long the net, Will quadruple our debt, If you believe some of the rumours. At the weekend I like to play tennis,
TH
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Tone Elite user 423 Posts |
At weekend I like to play tennis,
'Though finding a partner's a menace! When I wrote up an ad- "Need lady or lad" They all ask me what size my pen is My friend has retractable feet |
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Thomas Wayne Inner circle Alaska 1977 Posts |
My friend has retractable feet
which is both good and bad... bittersweet He can pull them inside when he's trying to hide But they make an uncomfortable seat I stepped out in the gray morning dawn
MOST magicians: "Here's a quarter, it's gone, you're an idiot, it's back, you're a jerk, show's over." Jerry Seinfeld
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Top Hat Inner circle We peed on you! 1077 Posts |
I stepped out in the gray morning dawn,
And let rip with my new bugle horn. What a magical sound! My senses came round Just as though I was being reborn. They have an old saying out west,
TH
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smithpaul60 Veteran user South Carolina 301 Posts |
They have an old saying out west,
that in order to run with the best, you must work real hard at shooting and cards, and stay one step ahead of the rest. I have seen many things in my dreams... |
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Top Hat Inner circle We peed on you! 1077 Posts |
I have seen many things in my dreams,
Where nothing is quite what it seems. Like pale yellow skies, Or bright blue custard pies, To name just a couple of themes. When I found out who'd murdered the priest,
TH
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Top Hat Inner circle We peed on you! 1077 Posts |
TOP HAT : The Anthology
Limericks are good for the mind, And help you feel happy, I find. You feel satiated When you've just created Some verse of a humourous kind. Amidst the blind, the one-eyed is king, He can see almost everything, Except when you tie, Over his one good eye, A black cardboard patch with some string. Happy New Year to one and to all, Let's hope that we all have a ball, Like we did in December (You'll no doubt remember), With bedfellows Harry and Paul. Has somebody made a bad smell? "It was me", said the tramp, "can't you tell? - it's a terrible stink, and as bad, I should think, as the stench in the bowels of hell". Chuck Norris' limericks are one liners, On the subject of Asian vaginas. Though nicely conceived, They are not well received In far-eastern cultures (like China's). On the day that the sun disappeared, I was trimming my overgrown beard. Then out of the dark An electronic spark Blew my house up, and everyone cheered. In the tropics they play on the bongos, "Wa-gah Walla-gah!" (that's how the song goes), Is it "Ping" and then "Pop"? Is it "Bang" and then "Bop"? Hey, chill out! There are no rights and wrongos. A verse of this kind (fun and light), Should be written to scan and rhyme right, If you do not take heed Of the rules then - indeed - You will find that your effort sounds sh*te. A purple old parrot called Percy, And a blue and green budgie called Percy, Both lived in a cage, Yes the very same cage, And were owned by an old bloke named Percy. A magician is one who'll magish, He'll provide for your every wish, If you pick any card, He will concentrate hard, And then name it (he may have to fish). In the future there will be a hat, That's designed for the clinically fat, This clever disguise, Will obscure their true size, And, let's face it, we'd all welcome that. I recently married a camel, There really is no finer mammal. Her flock disapproves, But I've painted her hooves, With luminous nail enamel. There once was a man from Limerick, Who showed me his daring hedge-trimmer trick, Flipped it up like a coin, But it fell on his groin, Now he has a much shorter and slimmer dick. Marx and Engels were having a chat, Re: Bourgeois and Proletariat, Then appeared - hey presto! The Communist Manifesto, Like a rabbit pulled out of a hat. There once was a man from Grant's Pass, With the world's most gargantuan ass, But they later found out, (Beyond reasonable doubt), He'd inflated his buttocks with gas. The bulk of magicians seem frugal, Like illusionist Hamish McDougall, He bought props today, Second-hand on E-bay, After checking new prices with Google. So now we're up to page six, With just over two thousand clicks, And we're nowhere near done, As it's so much more fun, Than interminable 'talk about tricks'. This forum has thousands of members, Such as Dixie and Weasel and Jembars, And Zulu and Cooper, And Boffett and Pooper, And Hitchens and Grotbag and Klembuzz. Was a limerick magician most weird, This mysterious chap, Gave a quick finger snap, And the very first line disappeared. I might as well tell you up front, When I wake up each morning I grunt. After picking my nose, I examine my toes, And then fart in your face. To be blunt. The web has great deals for consumers, Making profits for all dot com boomers, But before long the net, Will quadruple our debt, If you believe some of the rumours. I stepped out in the gray morning dawn, And let rip with my new bugle horn. What a magical sound! My senses came round Just as though I was being reborn. I have seen many things in my dreams, Where nothing is quite what it seems. Like pale yellow skies, Or bright blue custard pies, To name just a couple of themes.
TH
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landmark Inner circle within a triangle 5194 Posts |
When I found out who murdered the priest,
I secretly poisoned the beast: Twas done by the rabbi The one in rehab, I then gave him some ham for a "feast." A rose is a rose is a rose
Click here to get Gerald Deutsch's Perverse Magic: The First Sixteen Years
All proceeds to Open Heart Magic charity. |
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Top Hat Inner circle We peed on you! 1077 Posts |
"A rose is a rose is a rose",
So the popular poetry goes. "Things are what they are" Sounds clearer by far But it's not such delectable prose. Phil lives in my town, Punxsutawney,
TH
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landmark Inner circle within a triangle 5194 Posts |
Phil lives in my town, Punxsutawney,
The annual ritual's corny: Though he pokes his head out And the crowd gives a shout, He goes back down alone feeling horny. The value of pi's more than three,
Click here to get Gerald Deutsch's Perverse Magic: The First Sixteen Years
All proceeds to Open Heart Magic charity. |
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Thomas Wayne Inner circle Alaska 1977 Posts |
The value of pi's more than three,
And it's spelled with an "I" and a "P" But not in that order 'Cause that'd cross the border, being mathematical blasphemy I brought my worn books to an expert
MOST magicians: "Here's a quarter, it's gone, you're an idiot, it's back, you're a jerk, show's over." Jerry Seinfeld
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Top Hat Inner circle We peed on you! 1077 Posts |
I brought my worn books to an expert,
There was no problem reading the text, but The covers were faded, The pages looked jaded, He told me: "I'm rather perplexed, Kurt." A man from the wilds of Alaska,
TH
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Top Hat Inner circle We peed on you! 1077 Posts |
A man from the wilds of Alaska,
Was given a difficult task: a Requirement to fly From Hong Kong to Dubai. He crash-landed in Madagascar! If these first lines become any harder,
TH
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landmark Inner circle within a triangle 5194 Posts |
If these first lines become any harder
(I speak of the line that's the starter) I'll give up and kill myself for the skill I'm lacking--a Limerick Martyr! The poetry form called haiku
Click here to get Gerald Deutsch's Perverse Magic: The First Sixteen Years
All proceeds to Open Heart Magic charity. |
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