Harris, don't send me any Valentine gifts.

How many lightbaulbs does it take to screw in a Cheetah?

One Green One that is fast and an energy saber.

Why do so many magicians sport goatees? (beards)

They used to support lambs, but it was a sheepish sport.

How do lemons ask for the time?

They don't, they just "squeeze" stuff into their schedules...


Why did Lyndel cross the road?

To see if it was as much fun as the chicken said it was.

What's a biscuits favourite novel?

Seabiscuit by Hillbrand.

What is the ventriloquist favorite brand of cereal?

Oeetagix and nilk.

What do you call a mule with 5 ears?

A very corny animal.

Why didn't the puppet like to eat his vegetables?

He's just being difficult, you know, with that stick up his arss.

What's the difference between dark and hard?

It gets dark in the evening and hard in the morning......

What's black and white and blue all over?

A depressed Zebra.

Why was the inmate depressed?

Because Martha Stewart was getting out.


What does a cherry do on his day off?

Get stoned.

How do you get an elephant into a phonebox?

Put a mini in there first.

What did the dyslexic fire eater say to the duck?

Are you a member of M.A.D (ducks against dyslexia)?

Two dyslexics walk into a bra and say..

Can you smell gas? and the other says "I can't even spell my own name"

What does santa get for xmas?

Overtime

What did the bottle say to the horsefly?

How did you get wings and horsehoes?

What happens when Fraggles do drugs?

They get violent and attack muppets...

What do you get when you cross David Copperfield and a chick from Seattle?

Rumors!

Why doesn't Copperfield fly coach?