Have Harris step away from the nose clippers..(where his hair magically moved to..along with his back...)

Why did the bird watcher wear windshield wiper sunglasses?

Harris

To protect his eyes from bird poop.

Why did the magician leave gag tag?

Cause his wife kept telling him to stop wasting time and do something constructive.

What was the second choice on the list before they decided a top hat was to be the symbol for a magician?

A welfare check.

"I thought the magician was going to pull a rabbit out of the hat, but instead he pulled out a ______________!"

Hair/hare and much hilarity ensued...

A magician, a ventriloquist and a polar bear walk into a bar...

....and the Barman says, "I thought you were all extinct".


Doctor Doctor, I've lost my sense of humour!

Try taking YOURSELF...lightly of course...said the doctor..(without moving his lips)

When you are pointing a finger at someone..you _________ ______ _______ _____ ___ _____.

MUST BE POINTING THE MIDDLE ONE!

Why don't puppets have 5 finger?

Because Vernet broke into the assembling factory.

Why did the Magician cross the road?

To get away from magic themed gags.

Benny Hill, Peter Sellers, and Henny Youngman walk into a psychologist's office...

And say, "what's up Doc?"


What did the parapsychologist say to the psychologist?

I haven't a ghost of an idea.

What magic words does a ghost use?

Holy Hank Stain!

What magic words starts with the letter RU?

"RU Awake?"

A clown, a magician, and an accountant walk into a bar and the bartender says...

Look, three people who juggle! (balls, career and numbers)

After the bartender made his statement, a barmaid said to the magician.....???

Don't tell me, just "Think a drink" (sorry, couldn't resist)

The accountant then said.........

One scotch & soda for my magician friend, one S*x On the Beach for my clown friend, and just a glass of water for me...Oh and can I get a receipt?

How many mentalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

- several to ponder if the lightbulb really even exists in the first place
- 4 more to see if by chance can they really do a center tear with a light bulb
- 10 to debate whatever method anyone really ends up using
- 20 to yell and scream that the changing of the lighbulb trick was there original idea
- 2 to argue with the 20 above saying that can not be true cause they ate dinner with Vernon and dai clearly had a move for the lightbulb
- 30 to not say a word but immediately rush home, drop a lightbulb in a box, make cheesy packaging and be the first to send their ad in to MAGIC magazine.
- 50 to immediately start a blog online about various methods for changing the bulb
- 30 to complain that trying to read the bulbs mind is extra diffcult because is the bulb really alive
- 1 to finally, finally realize all this is ridiculous and get up and actually change the darn thing. =)

How do you know if you have been doing magic way too long?

YOu start using thumbtips as real fingers.....

Where did the magician find his missing thumbtip?

On his thumb. It was there all along!!

What did the proctologist say to the magician?