Mom and dad were scrambling looking for AA batteries.

If Santa really is magical, then why do the elves have to make the toys by hand?

Edd

It's a union deal.

Santa is so fat....

His cereal bowl came with it's own lifeguard.

Explain why reindeer can fly....

Cause they take themselves lightly.

They have a lot of frequent flyer miles.

It's safer than going by car

_____________

What should I get a magician who has everything?

Since we're breaking out the oldies.... penicillin.

Why was the elf sad?

An assistant who has nothing.

What did the magician say to the deck of cards?

I'll deal with you later... <groan>

Why was that elf sad again?

Because he wanted to be a dentist.

Vladimir Putin, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and Hugo Chavez, walk into a bar...

Edd

Vladimir orders a shot of Vodka,
Mahmoud orders a beer,
and Hugo asks for a job.

The 21 card trick is to Magic as___________ is to _______________.

As punching yourself in the face is to Boxing. They both get a reaction, but is it really entertainment?

What is the one thing you can do to ensure a standing ovation?

Perform for the National Association of Haemorrhoids Sufferers.

How many mentalists can you fit in a tank?

If your are one you already know the answer.

If not...none but he was there doing preshow work....

____ ______ ______ ______?

That diagram above is a professors nitemare gone horribly wrong. hehehe sorry folks, I could not resists.

How can you tell Harris apart from his puppet?

The puppet doesn't have bad breath! (I apologize for the shot Harris)

Guys named Jerrine should always avoid...

Telling Harris he has bad breath! =)

How can you tell that Kyle (me) is the coolest and most suave magician around? (this should be fun lol)

The Moustache of Misdirection gives Kyle the illusion he is a suave, cool dude, when in fact from his avatar he is Freddie Mercury!

Apologies but you did ask for it!!!

What, why and how.....

Did we get to this point?

What's the difference between a magician and a cup of coffee?

Edd

Danny: hehehehehe NICE my friend. Love it. =)Got to use that Mustache Of Misdirection more often lol

A cup of coffee is actually WORTH something.

What did the worm say to the bird?

I'm so very sorry, you're late. You can't eat me.

(The answer I was looking for was avoid the sun. It would make him a tangerine. )

How come so many clowns in the car?

They took the song literally.

Who put the bop in the bop she bop?