If you have been magic for any length of time I guarentee you will be asked the question, A magician, can you make my (wife-kids etc.) dissapear?" I have a response just for this occasion. I took a stack of "post -it" notes that were already accordian folded (you can use any paper etc. and accordian fold it). On each one of the folds I placed a name like Johnny-Mary-Bob etc. I taped the edges of the post-it notes so they stayed together). When asked the above question, I pull out the notes and say, "No, but I can add you to my list." This always gets a laugh and is a great response to this silly question. Phil wilmarth, when he saw me do this asked if he could use it which I gave him and all of you my permission.

Ron

"Remember the last time I made your 1st wife disappear, oh boy what a mess we made, there was blood everywhere...I'm still trying to scrub the blood of my knife" That was my latest response the cliched question. I like yours its good!

Thank you. Yes, with mine you are covered for anyone, child, wife, whtever.

Ron

Mrmagic0

Very Nice!
Using Post It notes, another touch would be to see if her name was already on the list, then separate it and stick it to her shoulder saying, "A guy will be by this afternoon between noon and 3:00!

Nice idea.

Ron

I have several I use all the time that always get a laugh.

1) This one is a classic and has been used by many over the years. I certainly do not lay claim to it. When asked you say, "Sir, I am a magician not a miracle worker." It always get a laugh. You can add to it by saying, "Once I get the walking on water thing down, making your wife disappear is the next thing on my list."

2) "Sure I can make your mother-in-law disappear. We call it our BIG TONY trick. I just need a bag of cement and a river near by. Tony takes care of the rest." Also gets a nice laugh.

Kyle

I have always hated when a guy would say this because he is really insulting his
wife. So I always try to take the wife's side in a tounge in cheek kind of way.

Patron: "Can you make my wife disappear?"
Magi: "Yes Sir" (to the wife) "I am in room 104 in the hotel across the street"
It get a laugh every time and the guy gets it instead of the wife.

Patron: Can you make my wife disappear?
Magi: I wish I could Sir, but magic has weight limits!

Where I work, it's funny! And the guy shuts up real quick!

Robert Haas

"Actually she has a deposit on you!!"

OR

"With an attitude like that she will be gone soon enough!"

Robert, Aren't you calling the guys wife fat? How bad are you making her feel?
I want laughs but not at the wife's expense.

Bad to the Balloon, I like your second one. You have to say it just right to get the laugh. I like it.

Yah Steve, it is a bit harsh.

I work lot's of comedy clubs and I welcom hecklers. I have a quick wit about me that people seem to like. If the heckler is annoying, that line will definitely due them in.

I like Bad To Balloon's second one also

Robert Haas

I'm assuming that Robert uses the line when a husband says it and his wife isn't sitting next to him. (If not, shame on you, What's your slap count?).

Steve B has the right attitude, the guy that is asking it is a bit of a prat. there;s a few lines already on the forum for this but my favourite, considering the circumstances, is :
"You seem to be doing a good enough job of that by yourself, Sir"
The line doesn't always work as is it dependent of the state of drunkeness and IQ of the recipient. Reword it, if possible, so the bloke works out the meaning about 15 seconds after you have said it.
I think that might be Nick Johnson's but I'm not sure.

George

George

Good one George. Yes, I work with mostly drunk audiences. I"m used to that being said while I'm in the middle of an act or something. The audience LOVES IT and the drunk usually shuts up by then. It's just my style- In a weird way, I like to encourage heckling. After all, where I work, it's COMEDY first then magic.

I also say that line at children's parties! Lol. Just kidding.

Robert Haas

I used to work at Lansing Correctional Facility.(as a counselor) ...don't think I want it as my return mailing address.


(works for those of us that work or have worked in Prison's.)

Please no Captive Audience Jokes...

Harris

Wasn't that one?

When asked if I can make his wife disappear, I look at her and say, "Sure! Where do you want to go? Hawaii? And do you have his (gesturing to the husband) credit card?

Nice one Steve. lol

Kyle

"I'll give you $100 to make my wife disappear."

"She gave me $200 to make you disappear."

Hehehe nice. It also makes you out to be the nice guy as well and gets the guy thinking maybe he should be a tad bit nicer about his wife. =)

Kyle

Can you make my wife disappear? I hear that all the time..my response.."Funny, she was here 20 minutes ago asking the same about you!"

Charlie