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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » Your Magician Might Be A Redneck If... (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

WR
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Utah
945 Posts

Profile of WR
Your Magician Might be a redneck if;

His back ground music is a Hank Williams tune

He had a spit cup on stage.

His favorite trick is "Pull my finger."

He has a Copenhagen ring on the back of his tux pants.

People accuse him of lying through his tooth.

Instead of live animals, he uses road kill.

Most of his equipment is made from road cones and spools.

His assistant is wearing cut offs and a halter top.

Instead of a rabbit, he pulls a possum out of his hat

All of his cards say Coors or Budweiser on the back.

Uses a Chain saw to cut a lady in half.

His parol office is in the audience.

Instead of the milk can escape he uses a keg.

He is billed as Bubba the Great.

He does the bullet catch with a sawed off shot gun.

Instead of a rope escape he uses duct tape.

His stomach hangs 5 inches over his belt.

For a grand finale he pulls a rabbit from behind his belt buckle.

All of his props are painted primer grey.

His top hat says John Deer on the front.

All his magic supplies are from the dollar store.

His zippers don't have teeth either.

His big escape is from a sleeper hold.

Uses a stuffed deer head at least twice in his act.

He has Houdini tattooed on his arm.

If his big debut show was the prison rodeo.

If, for his grand finale, he levitates the rear end of a beat up '75 Camaro to the proper height for "cruising"

If he uses the word "supposably" in his patter

His card to wallet has a chain on it

If he refers to the other side of the stage as "yonder"

If his two assistants are Daryl and his other brother Daryl

His exit theme is the music from the end of the Beverly Hillbillies, "Ya'll come back now, Y'hear"

His tie is made of leather, silver and turquoise

He has a Bud Light pool table light hanging over his table

He has STP stickers on his magic table

He steals Tolet paper from the restroom before the show

He takes beer and jerky as payment for a show

If he has ever done a show at the Waffle House

If he dips snuff during his show

His Shirt has no sleeves.

He keeps saying, "this one I learned in the Joint."

He has his mother as an assistant and calls her honey.

He is in a hurry "Cus' I gotta get home fer wresting."

He says "I got dis one outta Outdoor Life."

He smokes during the entire show

He has a can of "Bud" on his platform.

He has ever eaten one of his Doves or Rabbits

He thinks sleeving is something you do when you have a cold

He thinks he has to disrobe to do a stripper deck

He looses a thumb tip wile picking his nose

He thinks the Vernon Cronicles is a PBS special

He thinks the square circle is a good ol' boy's bar

He thinks the mis-made flag is something Betsy Ross did stoned

He thinks Twisted Sister is some girls he used to know

He thinks the Needle through the Arm is something done by a clumsy Seamstress

He thinks an egg bag is an old lady who raises chickens

He thinks a flase cut is a noise made under your arm pit using your hand

He thinks Copper & Silver was an episode of America's most wanted

He says that the Multiplying Rabbits is just an act of nature

He Thinks the French Arm chopper is something he saw on home shoping network for $19.99

He thinks Bro. John Hamman might be the name of the guy who plays the organ in church on Sundays...

If he has ever doubled the tail gate of your truck as a close up table/wet bar.

If he has ever vanished a coin into a bandana that was previously wrapped around your head and covered with a cowboy hat.

If you have ever performed shot glass surprise repeatedly until you amazingly vanish your dignity and or consciousness.

If he has ever opened for a Hank Williams Jr concert.

If the coin He pulled out of your ear was sticky

If he has blown his nose on his silks

He broke your arm doing the Arm twisting illusion

He pulls road kill out of a hat

He can't perform card to wallet because the chain is too short.

He can't do a book test because he don't know how to read "them big ol' words."

He does a spirit box effect using an Out House.

He does multiplying Rocky Mt. Oysters.

WR
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"Tell Em WR sent Ya."
Chrystal
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Inner circle
Canada/France
1552 Posts

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Haaaaaaaaaaa! Too funny WR! Thanks for sharing!! Smile
magician_carter
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79 Posts

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Ok, ok. I actually think opening for Hank JR would be cool.

Ya'll come back now. I'll be over yonder sit'n for a spell.

Carter
Without Magic, Life is Boring.
danielhunley
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Middle of No Where KY
168 Posts

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hahahahahahahahahah Smile Smile Smile
Jack Of Hearts!
Turk
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Inner circle
Portland, OR
3546 Posts

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WR,

So what's your point?

Turk





Now that's funny (i.e., your list)
Magic is a vanishing Art.

This must not be Kansas anymore, Toto.

Eschew obfuscation.
Bradley Morgan
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Toluca Lake CA
701 Posts

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Man the worst thing is I know someone that hit all of those thing squarely on the thumb.

Very funny


Brad Smile Smile
"I do not know with what weapons World War 3 will be fought, but World War 4 will be fought with sticks and stones." - Einstein
Angus
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50 Posts

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Hey, I resemble that remark.... Smile
Darkwing
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Nashville Tn
1845 Posts

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What? No duct tape jokes? I am very disappointed.

One thing you will never hear a Southern man say; "you can't put duct tape on that".
Sid Mayer
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Santa Fe, NM
656 Posts

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Good stuff. We don't often get autobiographical material.

Of course, I'm in no position to talk. I still remember going to a family reunion looking for a prom date.

Smile

Sid
All the world's a stage ... and everybody on it is overacting.
Kathryn Novak
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PA
574 Posts

Profile of Kathryn Novak
He can spin a card on top of a beer bottle.

He has a red neck.

His family can fill an auditorium.

He pulls a chicken out of a cowboy hat.

Smile
If anyone sees my sanity, please return it to

me.
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