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NJJ Inner circle 6437 Posts |
I'm brainstorming some 'Yo Mama' or 'Chuck Norris' style jokes for my con man act. The idea is that I have a series of one liners that begin "I'm such a big con artist that...."
Unfortunatley, my creative juices have dried up so I'm struggling! I'd really appreciate in an ideas, no matter how bad, you might have to help my brain going. Here are a few of my ideas so far. - I'm such a big con artist that I sell clothes pegs on ebay as solar powered clothes driers. - I'm such a big con artist that I take my windscreen wipes off so I can't get a parking ticket. - I'm such a big con artist that people in Nigerian send me money. - I'm such a big con artist that I've been banned from every casino in Australia. (not for cheating...I just took the 'crap table' to literally. - I'm such a big con artist that I cheat at snap. - I'm such a big con artist that ASIC gets called when I play monopoly. |
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magicgeorge Inner circle Belfast 4299 Posts |
"- I'm such a big con artist that people in Nigeria send me money."
Ha, I love that one. "- I'm such a big con artist that I cheat at snap." Changing it to "solitaire" gives it a nice twist. Um, I think your block is contagious, I can't think of snything now. |
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magic4u02 Eternal Order Philadelphia, PA 15110 Posts |
I'm such a big con artist that Sally Struthers does a TV commercial to send food to MY house.
I'm such a big con artist that YOU guys actually came today thinking your going to see a show (start laughing) I'm such a big con artist that this guy (point to guy in front) came today thinking I was Emeril Lagasi. BAM! I'm such a big con artist the Senior Center now thinks Bingo is won by screaming "I've fallen and I can't get up!" Kyle
Kyle Peron
http://www.kylekellymagic.com Entertainers Product Site http://kpmagicproducts.com Join Our Facebook Fan Page at http://facebook.com/perondesign |
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NJJ Inner circle 6437 Posts |
Ha! You guys rock!
I'm such a big con artist the I convinced my mother that I'm adopted. I'm such a big con artist I'm getting paid to tell these jokes! I'm such a big con artist I've won the Spanish lottery 12 times...and I never even bought a ticket! |
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magic4u02 Eternal Order Philadelphia, PA 15110 Posts |
I'm such a big con artist that I convinced my mom that my dad was my identical twin.
I'm such a big con artist that senior cistizens now think Social Security is going to the grocery store as a group. I'm such a big con artist that I steal my OWN watch. Kyle
Kyle Peron
http://www.kylekellymagic.com Entertainers Product Site http://kpmagicproducts.com Join Our Facebook Fan Page at http://facebook.com/perondesign |
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magicgeorge Inner circle Belfast 4299 Posts |
Nice work, Kyle!
....I can work the pyramid scheme on Egyptians. ....I once walked out of a carnival with change. ....I got a royal flush from a proletarian loo. |
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magic4u02 Eternal Order Philadelphia, PA 15110 Posts |
Thanks George. Hope it helps Nicholas out a little. I enjoy brainstorming as it helps my own creativity.
I'm such a big con artist I got K-Mart to change it to the Teal Light Special. Kyle
Kyle Peron
http://www.kylekellymagic.com Entertainers Product Site http://kpmagicproducts.com Join Our Facebook Fan Page at http://facebook.com/perondesign |
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Father Photius Grammar Host El Paso, TX (Formerly Amarillo) 17161 Posts |
I'm such a big con artist that cops beg me to give them a warning instead of a ticket.
I'm such a big con artist that I convinced Americans that Foster's is the favorite beer of Australians. I'm such a big con artist that Texan's calling Austraila that Country up yonder.
"Now here's the man with the 25 cent hands, that two bit magician..."
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NJJ Inner circle 6437 Posts |
I'm such a big con artist that I convinced a priest to write my jokes
I'm such a big con artist that I just got elected to parliament. I'm such a big con artist that if you look up SCAM in the dictionary you won't find me because I already stole all your books. I'm such a big con artist lawyers won't sue me out of professional courtesy. I'm such a big con artist I pirated all of my pirate copies of pirates of the Caribbean. I am such a big con artist they call me 'Nick'. I am such a big con artist I talked my way into a George Micheal concert...then had to talk my way out again. I am such a big con artist I once caught a phish this big. |
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magicwatcher2005 Elite user Washington state 446 Posts |
I am such a big con artist that I got other people to write my jokes for me for free.
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Father Photius Grammar Host El Paso, TX (Formerly Amarillo) 17161 Posts |
Quote:
On 2008-03-08 06:39, Nicholas J. Johnson wrote: Now that one is a keeper!
"Now here's the man with the 25 cent hands, that two bit magician..."
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trickytrav Veteran user 391 Posts |
[quote]On 2008-03-08 20:36, magicwatcher2005 wrote:
I am such a big con artist that I got other people to write my jokes for me for free Nice One |
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magic4u02 Eternal Order Philadelphia, PA 15110 Posts |
I am such a big con artist I have people pick their own pockets
Kyle
Kyle Peron
http://www.kylekellymagic.com Entertainers Product Site http://kpmagicproducts.com Join Our Facebook Fan Page at http://facebook.com/perondesign |
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NJJ Inner circle 6437 Posts |
Quote:
On 2008-03-08 20:36, magicwatcher2005 wrote: I am such a big con artist magicwatcher2005 stole my jokes about getting other people to write my jokes for free! :) I am such a big con artist that people have to stop saying there is not such things as a free lunch because now there is! I am such a big con artist that I the mafia pays me protection money I am such a big con artist that I that traffic cops bribe me |
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magic4u02 Eternal Order Philadelphia, PA 15110 Posts |
I am such a big con artist that cops write themselves tickets
Kyle
Kyle Peron
http://www.kylekellymagic.com Entertainers Product Site http://kpmagicproducts.com Join Our Facebook Fan Page at http://facebook.com/perondesign |
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Larry Bean Inner circle I'm digging enough holes for 2016 Posts |
I'm such a big con artist that lawyers are nice people.
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magicgeorge Inner circle Belfast 4299 Posts |
I'm such a big con artist that...
...I thought Dirty Rotten Scoundrels was an instructional video. ...I walked under a ladder and the ladder got all the bad luck. ...I put the con into constitution and the scam into cheeky scamp. ...I bought a herd of goats and collect welfare for 28 kids. |
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chefmagic Regular user 166 Posts |
Yo momma so stupid, she studied for a drug test!
Yo momma so stupid, she thought, "Wu Tang" was an African orange drink! Yo momma so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl. Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved! Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order! Yo momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone! Yo momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money! Yo momma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight! Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund! Yo momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. Yo momma so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put, "O.K." Yo momma so stupid she stole free bread. Yo momma so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners. Yo momma so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch! Yo momma so stupid she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home. Yo momma so stupid she took an umbrella to see Purple Rain. Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes. Yo momma so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends. Yo momma so stupid she told everyone that she was, "Illegitiment" because she couldn't read. Yo momma so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind. Yo momma so stupid you have to dig for her IQ! Yo momma so stupid she took a cup to see Juice. Yo momma so stupid she asked you, "What is the number for 911?" Yo momma so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out. Yo momma so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl. Yo momma so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check. Yo momma so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back. Yo momma so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train. Yo momma so stupid when asked on an application, "Sex?" she marked, "M, F and sometimes Wednesday too." Yo momma so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif. Yo momma so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean! Yo momma so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds! Yo momma so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center. Yo momma so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead. Yo momma so stupid she jumped out the window and went up. Yo momma so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund. Yo momma so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain. Yo momma so stupid that under, "Education," on her job application, she put, "Hooked on Phonics." Yo momma so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house. Yo momma so stupid she watches, "The Three Stooges" and takes notes. Yo momma so stupid was born on Independence Day and can't remember her birthday. Yo momma so stupid she thought gangrene was another golf course. Yo momma so stupid that she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut. Yo momma so stupid, she couldn't read an audio book. Yo momma so stupid it take her a month to get rid of the 7 day itch. Yo momma so stupid she stands up on an empty bus. Yo momma so stupid it take her a week to get rid of a 24 hourr virus. Yo momma so stupid it take her a day to cook a 3 minute egg. Yo momma so stupid she has to ask for help to use hamburger helper . Yo momma so stupid she went to Disney World and saw a sign that said "Disney World - Left" so she went home. Yo momma so stupid she asked me what kind of jeans I had on and I said, "Guess" so she said, "Levi's |
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magicgeorge Inner circle Belfast 4299 Posts |
Thanks chef, that's helped me out with my Copyandpaster's block.
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chefmagic Regular user 166 Posts |
H asked for yo mamma jokes, happened to come accross site thought some were funny. Sorr wasn't up to your standard.
Have a nice day. |
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