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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » Funny lines for Bill to lemon! (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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Scott Alexander
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Since we burned up your money, I'd like to give you my own 100 dollar bill in its place. I'd LIKE to but I can't afford it. Sorry, you're just going to have to leave now.

Plays pretty good now cause of the economy.

The Geico gag from above is my line I wrote and released for "The Final Answer" routine. It has made the rounds. Here is the way I wrote it.

(after the bill is destroyed take a long pause then say)
"Well...........I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is, YOU picked the wrong envelope. The good news is(turn and face the audience with a big cheesy smile) I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico."

Dispite the fact that these commercials are from over 5 years ago, the line still gets a laugh. Not as big as it use to, but it still works.
-Scott




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nathanallen
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Des Moines, Iowa, USA
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Quote:
On 2009-01-21 11:33, Scott Alexander wrote:
The Geico gag from above is my line I wrote and released for "The Final Answer" routine. It has made the rounds. Here is the way I wrote it.
(after the bill is destroyed take a long pause then say)
"Well...........I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is, YOU picked the wrong envelope. The good news is(turn and face the audience with a big cheesy smile) I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico."


I wrote that too. ("...Bad news is I ****ed up. Good news is I just saved a bunch of money...") I don't give 'em the cheesy smile though - I tell it as though it's the sincere honest truth.

I also saw a very similar line used on either SNL or MadTV awhile ago.

Demented minds think alike.
Nathan Allen, The Maniac of Magic
www.maniacofmagic.com

To buy a prop is nothing.
To write a good routine is something.
To really entertain an audience is everything.
Starrpower
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Years ago I was watching TV with Glen Gerard and that commercial came on and, as we sat there, he worked that line into a routine. So, Scott, not only did you NOT write it (some dude on Madison Avenue did) it has also, apparently, been worked independently by different people. And stolen by many more.
jay leslie
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Since I don't have your money anymore... how about a souvenir?

Looking at the person who gave you the money "Hay it would be worth a hundred dollars just to see if I can make your money appear inside here, right?" - After verifying the number put it in your pocket and remind them they agreed with your assumption.
Rory Diamond
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From Ian's post above: "a good line again was given to me by Billy McComb. "If you don't see the bill again, take the corner down to your bank manager and he will tell you what to do with it!" Ok, why is it that when I have seen Michael Finney do a bill routine on TV, he used that same line? Guess it is ok to steal other's lines and use them on National TV.
Heres Tony
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TV is not a good example of an outlet that doesn't allow theft.

Carlos Mencia and Dane Cook have stolen most of their material from other comedians.
joseph
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"I hate to end this trick on a sour note."...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
ray raymond
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Toss out the piece of fruit(lemon, orange, lime, etc) to the pectator who leant the bill. "Is that a real lemon sir?" " see what twenty bucks will buy you here in(insert name of town here)."

later during the switch "I need a knife, Hey kid you do you have a knife? "no", You got to public school and you don't have a knife?
squando
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I f you burn the bill...envelope, etc.

"I am required to make this announcement. Ladies and Gentlemen this is Bob's money on drugs...any questions."
Frank
Floyd Collins
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I use a shredder to destroy the envelopes with all the fire laws and never knowing if you can use fire in most convention centers it is just a safe bet for me.
I say to the helper, “We must now destroy the envelopes you did not pick, you now have a choice we can do this the old fashion way and have a chance to tape it back if your wrong”, pull out cut no cut scissors OR The Max Money Destroyer 200 Government issued Money destroying device, built with poly carbon blades and over haled twin piston engine.” And then I make the noise like Tim the tool man ararar with an evil laugh.
Of course if they pick the scissors we have no choice then to go to the Max Money Destroyer 200 and I repeat the evil laugh every time we destroy an envelope. I hand painted my shredder to say Max Money Destroyer 200 with flames and put a government seal on the back side for the visual element.
When they open the envelope and there is a gray paper that says, OPPS, I then say well there is a lemon law here in the US so I guess I will have to make sure you are well taken care of. I then go and get them a lemon and say have a good day! Of course I then open it and reveal the money; I then say I knew we could count on the government bail out program for this. I now pump my fist and deliver the Obama line YES WE CAN!!

-Floyd
No one said it would be easy, or did they?

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scottybarnhart
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A variation of something after the descrution of bill: "Now you are probably upset that you lost your $100 bill. But to be honest, your $50 bill isn't lost. We have simply transported your $20 bill to another place. Where is your $10 bill now, you ask? You're in luck because I'll show you where you're $5 bill is . . . "

You get the idea. Depending on how small your increments are: it can go on for a very long time.
"Talent is luck. The important thing in life is courage." - Woody Allen, Manhattan
Dynamike
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"The bill might be inside this lemon. Why are all you still looking so sour. I should have brought a bag of sugar to make it appear inside of to sweeten you up."
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