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DanielSteep
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I need some help, in useful ways to deal with my depression.

I'm struggling just typing this as I have kept it to myself since about April of this year. I have told a very limited amount of people.. and all I ever get is Awee, I'm sorry I wish I knew what do to.

Heres my major issues.
March- Death of Father
April- Death of Counciller
- Death of Uncle
May- Death of Best Friends Mom
July-Death of the one individual who got me into performing, and kept it going strong.
Few weeks ago- loss of most of my friends. I came out as being Bi-sexual and needless to say I live in a very rural place, and no one is very supportive.
Present day- My mom and I fight constantly, shes offered the door and a swift kick more times than I can count.

Needless to say I feel rather alone and am not really sure what to do. Its a struggle for me to even reason as to why I get out of bed. And yet I do an amazing job at painting on a fake smile, so people around me think I'm in tip top shape.

Thanks for any advice.
Daniel Steep.
16 going on like 43.
Father Photius
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Time to talk to a counselor at school. Depression can be very difficult to deal with alone, if not impossible. (I have a Ph.D. in counseling psychology, I do know what I'm talking about).

Loss of people close to you puts you into a greif cycle. Part of that cycle is depression. That cycle is sort of a slippery slope. That is you can get stuck in parts of the cycle, and can slide back and forth through the various phases of it. It can easily take up to two years to work through a grief cycle, and possibly longer when the individual was very close to you, (parent, spouse, child, etc.)

In your case, I'd say you have experience a lot of deaths very close together. This will complicate the grief cycle, for you will have to work through each individually. A grief counseling group (check with some of the local churches, many offer this, and if they don't they may be able to point you to one, also check with any local Hospice, they always offer then, and can point you to one if you can't get into theirs)

Whatever you do, don't try to go through this alone. Apparently from the list you gave your mom is dealing with her own grief issues and probably isn't in a position to be very helpful or consoling to you.

Talk to the school counselor, tell them you are having depression and about your grief situation.

Talk to a minister, priest, or rabbi. Not all are trained to deal with you situation, but most can refer you to someone.

Call a local Hospice or local churches and find a grief counseling group and get into it.

Hang in there, you can get through all this.
"Now here's the man with the 25 cent hands, that two bit magician..."
DanielSteep
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Hello Father,

Thank you for your insightful words, they are greatly appreciated.

Believe it or not my mom is only going through the grief with my dad. I'm going through everything listed above. including the terribly hard stage of adolescence in the public school system.

I'm not exactly sure what a hospice is, but we do not have counselors in school. hooray Canadian government!

Unfortunately churches and I do not get a long well, and it is hard for me to talk to anyone because I am a public figure in the town and people think I'm tip top! Almost everyone in the town knows me, and it is absolutely more of a burden than a joy.
Donal Chayce
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Hi, Daniel...

Please take Father Photius' advice and speak with your school counselor. Ask him/her for a referral to a grief support group, and if they don't have one ask them to do some research for you.

Is there a g/l/b/t services center in or near your community? If so, I encourage you to contact them as well. They will most likely have support groups for young people dealing coming out issues.

Whatever you do, please don't keep trying to go it alone. We're pack animals, and in order to heal we need at least one other human being to walk with us and bear witness to our struggle. Unfortunately, those who we would expect to be there for us often cannot be (for all sorts of reasons), so we have to search for and find those who can and will.

Please keeps us posted as to your efforts. In the meantime I'll keep you and your Mom in my prayers.

The only way out is through.

Peace,

Donal
Donal Chayce
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Daniel, I just re-read your reply to Father Photius and noted that you wrote that there are no counselors at your school.

Okay, one option down but there are still many other ways to find a grief support group (and doing your grief work with a group of folks who are doing their grief work is IMO the best way to work through one's grief). In addition to Father Photius' suggestions, you might go on-line and simply type in the words "grief support" and the name of your town and see what comes up. One resource I can personally vouch for is The Grief Recovery Institute. They've even got offices in Canada: Here's a link to their website: http://www.grief-recovery.com/

Donal
DanielSteep
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Donal,

I am taking Father Photius very seriously. Our schools have now counselor or grief support. It is tough for me at school anyways as my mom works at my school, and is there all the time, and I know she'll end up hearing it through the grape vine, or in the staff room.

What is a g/l/b/t services center.

Unfortunately I've been 'going it alone' for about a year and a half now. It just began getting severer a few months ago
Donal Chayce
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"G/L/B/T" is an abbreviation for "gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgendered," so a g/l/b/t services center is an organization that provides services--such as support groups and counseling, for people that fall into those categories, including young people like yourself.

Donal
DanielSteep
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Donal,

Thanks for the clarification.. I did a search and couldn't find anything
Father Photius
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If they don't have counselors, talk to a teacher. And you and churches may not get along, but when you have a problem, the minister/ priest/ rabbi won't care, they will try to help you find help.

Hospice is a place, somewhat like a hospital, where terminally ill patients go to die. They are able to get some pain medication, help with their daily needs as they might have, but still have an environment in which they can be surrounded by their family in a way that isn't clinical. Look in a phone book, Hospice should be listed.
"Now here's the man with the 25 cent hands, that two bit magician..."
DanielSteep
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Father,

I cannot speak with people at my school as my mother is there too, and word passes around this school/town like no tomorrow.

As for a hospice, the closest city to me is just over an hour away, so I'd have to go there.
Father Photius
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You are making excuses. That is part of the process called denial. You are admitting you need help, but then denying yourself access to it. Canada has public health, go to a doctor, talk to them.
"Now here's the man with the 25 cent hands, that two bit magician..."
Donal Chayce
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Daniel, while face-to-face is a better way to go when seeking the type of support you need right now, there are on-line resources that you can access no matter where you live. Here's one that has an on-line support group for people your age:
http://www.griefnet.org/support/sg2.html

I promise you, things can and will get better, but only if you take the next step (reaching out to your friends at the Café was the first).
DanielSteep
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Donal,

I tried to join.. and I got this msg http://www.griefnet.org/support/http;//w......ort.html
C.W.G.
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Hey dude,

I'll give you the only three things I know that get me through everything.

(1) There are three books out there called Conversations With God. I cant tell you how amazing these books are. They completely changed my view of the world. The books were written by a guy who was in the same position as you when he started writing them. Trust me on these books if nothing else.

(2) If your on iTunes, look for an audio-book called 50 Ways To Beat Depression. This book is literally a life saver and I couldn't recommend it enough. Get it, listen to it, and DO it.

(3) Time.... It may be an old chestnut but believe me, EVERYTHING passes. You will get through this and you will gain strength from it, and before you know it, you'll be the one offering words of strength and wisdom, and the only way you will be able to do that is from gaining the strength from what your going through now.

And believe me, your getting the best advice out there when your talking to Father Photius and Donal, those two guys helped me out of a dark place back in January.

And one last thing, depression has been proven (not making this up) to be one of the greatest virus's known to man kind, for the simple reason that it robs you of the one thing you need to get better, which is hope. So make sure that you get taking hope back in anyway that you can. Look at the things you love in life and they will give you the passion and hope that you need to keep going.

Give your depression a silly name (Like... Kermit the Frog) and every time it comes around just say to yourself "ah here's Kermit again" and imagine beating it in a boxing ring, if you find yourself lying down on the mat, unable to get up, just know that you can. Salvation only lies within, so does the choice to give in, no one can make you stop but you, so as Churchill said "if your going through hell, just keep going".

My best to you kiddo.
Donal Chayce
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Quote:
On 2008-10-13 16:29, MagicalOdyssey wrote:
Donal,

I tried to join.. and I got this msg http://www.griefnet.org/support/http;//w......ort.html


Hmmm--perhaps you might email GriefNet and let them know what happened when you tried to sign up for one of the groups. If you check the "contact us" area of the website, you'll find an email link for the support group administrator.

Don't give up--the support your need is out there.

Donal
DanielSteep
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Well after waking up today, I am in a very good mood.

I'm just getting ready for school, and for some strange reason I've never felt this willing to get up so early. (And the weather is terrible, usually the rain gets me even more down.)

When I awoke I had a pm from several Café members including my mentor, and a very talented pitchman.

But the one that shocked me the most, was from a member who I have never seen eye to eye with. We used to fight about everything including the color of the rainbow. He told me he came out Ten years ago to this very week, and gave me a few sites which helped him and very good words of encouragement.

I know all can't be resolved in a day, but I feel as though I'm getting over the "hump" and on the way to happiness.
Bill Nuvo
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Hey Daniel buddy. Sorry to come into this late. I didn't realize this is what you were going through (didn't really mention a reason on facebook). I know how hard it is in your area to come out having lived around there.

You can contact the kids help line if you ever need someone to talk to. Also, I know you can contact the hospital for phone counseling. They'll also have other places you can call.

In regards to friends. I know it sounds cliche, but the ones you lost were not your friends. I have friends and I have aquaintances. I have only a few friends with whom it does not matter about my past mistakes. And you are one of them as you know exactly what I am talking about. It's those people like you that I call friend. If ever you need to get away, contact me and you can come hang out with me in Windsor for a stint. I'm gonna try to get down you way again in November (I'm actually down this Sunday but all 3 kids will be with me). I am sure Braeden would love to see you again.
DanielSteep
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Bill

Thanks for chiming in! The kids help phone just offers you websites to visit. All of which I have seen.


I would love to hang out some time. Let me know.


Daniel
DanielSteep
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Life keeps getting better.

My girlfriend just left me
Destiny
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Not to be harsh - but why wouldn't she?

Don't forget she's also a person with needs and wants. She has problems too and is also trying to find her way in the world.

By announcing to the world you are bisexual, from her perspective, you are also announcing that she is not enough for you. Afterall very few publicly declared bisexuals are bisexual in theory only.

I would suggest you have a think about how your actions and words impact on the people around you. It took me a long time to realise that you get along with yourself better when you have the discipline to also try and get along with others.

I also believe small towns are much more tolerant and accepting than reputed. I grew up in a small isolated town of 200 people in supposedly far less enlightened times, and never really had any problems. Although those places do tend to frown on ostentatious declarations that upset the apple cart, they tend to take things in their stride and look after their own.

If you really hate the place - you're sixteen - you'll be outta there soon.

Concentrate on the rest and best of your life - which means focusing on school 100% for the next year and a bit. The harder you work now, the more prepared you will be for the massive changes that are about to overtake you as you move into adulthood. It may be difficult to believe now but all this will seem petty and irrelevant quite soon.

If you really need help you are proficient with a computer and have a lot of friends online - help is there - but answers are not - the answers are in you.

Good Luck and All the Best.

Destiny

Just one thing that worries me - before scattering declarations of your sexuality all over the internet remember you are 16 and there are vultures out there. You are both making a public record of the problems you're going through as an adolescent and making yourself vulnerable to predators - your phone number is just a few clicks away. Why not ask the mods to delete this thread and continue the conversation by PM with the good folks above who have offered excellent advice? Bill for example is one of the most intelligent and decent people on these boards and he and his family are apparently already friends of yours and live in your vicinity.
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