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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » HmYou might be a magician if…mm....I guess I 'am' one! (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

stempleton
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Found this on Facebook and thought I would share. Hope it's not a dupicate.

P.s.: I know at least one of these will hit you!!!

You Might Be A Magician If...

1. Your best pickup line is "Pick a card."

2. You use the word "effect" rather than "trick".

3. You pay $50 for a $1 coin.

4. A "shell" is not something found on a beach.

5. All your friends call you when magic is on TV.

6. You never play card games with your cards.

7. While watching a movie or TV, you have cards in your hands.

8. You pose for a photo with one eyebrow raised!

9. You pay $60.00 for a book and get, possibly, one or two useful things out of it and you're happy.

10. Your Christmas/Birthday wish list looks like a magic catalogue.

11. If you've ever been asked the question "can you make my wife disappear"?

12. You’re back-ordered for rabbits and doves at the pet store.

13. 75% of your patter consists of lame one-liners.

14. You drive 300 miles round trip to visit a teeney-tiny store.

15. You have over 100 responses to the phrase "How did you do that?"

16. There’s a pack of cards in sight as you read these words.

17. You're holding a fan of cards in every photo that you're in.

18. You actually want to go to a lecture.

19. You record every magic special on TV.

20. You have a tie with playing cards on it.

21. You get emotional when shuffling a new deck. (So true!)

22. Anytime you see someone you want to meet, you start rolling a coin or doing one-handed shuffles with a deck.

23. You have more than three decks of cards on you at any given time.

24. Your idea of the perfect proposal is Copperfields 'Rose to Ring'

25. You think David Blaine sucks (c’mon how true is this!!!).

26. The post office calls to tell you that you have ANOTHER package in.

27. Your entire friends name starts with "The Amazing" or "The Great".

28. After viewing magic on TV, everyone in the room looks at you asks, "How'd they do that"? And, all you do is smile and say, "It's really easy if you think about it, but magicians can't tell." And you're really thinking "How the heck did they do that"?

29. You have your local magic shop on speed dial.

30. You can lose your thumb and you visit the magic shop instead of the emergency ward.

31. You pay to see a lecture, buy a written version of what was just demonstrated to you, and then buy a manufactured version of something in the notes.

32. You know who Brad Christian is and you always wonder if he’s gay or not.

33. You have so much magic stuff in your room that it’s considered a fire hazard.

34. You have more elastic bands than a stationary shop.

35. You spend hours trying to rearrange the letters in your name to use on stage (only to come back years later using your real name).

36. You've thought of bringing your topit or pull to class on exam day incase you need to make an "emergency vanish".

37. You don't mind kissing a dove.

38. It really matters to you how someone shuffles your deck.

39. You expect people to think ‘it's magic’ when it took you half an hour to set up.

40. You own a top hat, cape and cane and have never gone to the opera.

41. You began demonstrating the mysteries of ancient China at the age of 9.

42. Someone actually hands you a fork and says please bend this.

43. You say 'how’s tricks?' to a friend and get a 2 hour lecture.

44. You pretended to be insane just to get the straight jacket.

45. You can say "I will now penetrate ..." with a straight face.

46. "Bikes and Ho’s" is not a funny phrase to you.

47. Most of your English papers are about magic.

48. You have one or more chipped teeth from biting the wrong quarter.

49. You never throw out old decks because you "can make something out of it".

50. You carefully watch a card-playing scene in a movie only to see what kind of cards they’re using.

51. If you know everyone in the L&L audience by name. (Davey Richardson - Joel Dresnick)

52. You've convinced yourself that feathers actually look like flowers.

53. Your handwriting is better with a Swami gimmick than it is with a real pen. (Lee Darrow)

54. You have to do a 20 minute show at the airport security station because they don't believe what's on your business card. (Lee Darrow)

55. If you owe more to Jim Steinmeyer than your annual income. (Jordan Allen)

56. You buy your son a ball and vase instead of a ball and glove. (Ray Kosby)

57. You mail-order something that the supplier says will vanish and don’t for a second think it might be some sort of a scam. (Rory Burdack)

58. You have used lame jokes such as:

"Hold out your hand... no the clean one!"

"Pick any card... anyone you like... no! not that one!"

59. Every time you pull out your credit card you instantly tenkai. (Davis Mueller)

60. You have enough playing cards to host a world series poker competition. (Troye Keuvelaar)
----------------------------------------------------------------

Just for the male magicians:

Your girlfriend knows the sound of riffled cards over the phone.

You see an attractive woman and think if she will suit your act.

Magic turns you on more than women do.

You spend more time in front of a mirror than your girlfriend does.

You show your girlfriend the same trick everyday insisting that "I've improved it greatly".

You are the only one of your male friends that has a nice "silk collection".

You ask every waitresses you meet, "do you have a minute?"
J Hanes
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Quote:
You Might Be A Magician If...

69. You copy jokes from Facebook, in a style typical of magicians - fifteen years old and stolen.
nathanallen
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70. Every time you see Criss Angel on TV you see something that makes you yell "Oh come on! Seriously?!"

71. You've ever had people look at you funny because you made that cool finger-suction "pop" noise with your TT while it's in your pocket.

72. You don't think digging around in your pockets, while you're standing talking to conmplete strangers seated at a restaurant, is rude and awkward.

73. You've ever snapped at a loved one - "Stop walking over here!" - because you're setting up I.T.

74. Your loved one stops, sees you squinting at nothing, groping around at nothing in mid-air with scotch tape stuck to one finger, and totally understands.
Nathan Allen, The Maniac of Magic
www.maniacofmagic.com

To buy a prop is nothing.
To write a good routine is something.
To really entertain an audience is everything.
stempleton
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Quote:
On 2009-01-03 20:30, J Hanes wrote:
Quote:
You Might Be A Magician If...

69. You copy jokes from Facebook, in a style typical of magicians - fifteen years old and stolen.


Sorry, Mr. Hanes...I guess I am guilty of retelling a joke. Bad juju. I guess I broke the rules of magic by actually crediting my source, and (gasp) even leaving the lines with credit to the writer intact. Lesson learned. Smile
jimhlou
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You drop a coin in a soft drink machine and suddenly reallize you just spent $30 for a coke.

Jim
Bill Ligon
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I hope J Hanes was just being humorous as I don't think the implied criticism was justified.
Author of THE HOLY ART: Bizarre Magick From Naljorpa's Cave. NOW IN HARDCOVER! VIEW: <BR>www.lulu.com/content/1399405 ORDER: http://stores.lulu.com/naljorpa
<BR>A TASSEL ON THE LUNATIC FRINGE
stempleton
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Quote:
On 2009-01-04 23:28, jimhlou wrote:
You drop a coin in a soft drink machine and suddenly reallize you just spent $30 for a coke.

Jim


Yess....I'VE DONE THAT!
stempleton
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Quote:
On 2009-01-04 23:28, jimhlou wrote:
You drop a coin in a soft drink machine and suddenly reallize you just spent $30 for a coke.

Jim


Yess....I'VE DONE THAT!
stempleton
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Quote:
On 2009-01-04 23:28, jimhlou wrote:
You drop a coin in a soft drink machine and suddenly reallize you just spent $30 for a coke.

Jim


Yess....I'VE DONE THAT!
Bill Ligon
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Deja vu?
Author of THE HOLY ART: Bizarre Magick From Naljorpa's Cave. NOW IN HARDCOVER! VIEW: <BR>www.lulu.com/content/1399405 ORDER: http://stores.lulu.com/naljorpa
<BR>A TASSEL ON THE LUNATIC FRINGE
stoneunhinged
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Quote:
On 2009-01-05 11:10, Bill Ligon wrote:
Deja vu?


All over again.
stempleton
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Hmmm...guess I did it TWICE. Smile
By the way, Bill, appreciate your earlier comment. But you've been around long enough (no comment on your age, but your posts)to know that there are some that just like to "put one foot in, and shake it all about."

So, here's a few original (and true) contributions-

Your drycleaning comes back with a mangeled safety pin and elastic cord.
The guy in church behind you keeps brushing the white hares from your coat. (pun intended)
You have more incomplete decks of cards in the house than full ones
You always check out the "Sharpie" section for any new models.
J Hanes
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Bill Ligon wroted:
I hope J Hanes was just being humorous as I don't think the implied criticism was justified.


Yes sir, your assessment is correct.

The faux-vitriol was an illusion.

Justin
Bill Ligon
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J Hanes, that's what I thought. Thanks.

Bill
Author of THE HOLY ART: Bizarre Magick From Naljorpa's Cave. NOW IN HARDCOVER! VIEW: <BR>www.lulu.com/content/1399405 ORDER: http://stores.lulu.com/naljorpa
<BR>A TASSEL ON THE LUNATIC FRINGE
J Hanes
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I do however still stand by the joke as being both relevant, true, and funny.
Bill Ligon
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My jokes are older than that.
Author of THE HOLY ART: Bizarre Magick From Naljorpa's Cave. NOW IN HARDCOVER! VIEW: <BR>www.lulu.com/content/1399405 ORDER: http://stores.lulu.com/naljorpa
<BR>A TASSEL ON THE LUNATIC FRINGE
J Hanes
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