The Magic Café
Username:
Password:
[ Lost Password ]
  [ Forgot Username ]
The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Looking out for our own » » I had a Nightmarish experience the past 2 weeks. Never again though, thank God. (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

 Go to page 1~2 [Next]
Eddini_81976
View Profile
Inner circle
2183 Posts

Profile of Eddini_81976
(Look this gets personal, but if I’m gone 15 days, and my friends worry, they have the RIGHT to know the truth. I just wanted to say “I’m home and glad to be back”, but you deserve the whole explanation. Sorry if you worried.)

Hey ? what’s new with you? Okay here’s why I haven’t been online. On 3-1-09, I put myself VOLUNTARY in the hospital. I didn’t want to do anything stupid as I did last December. I was cooperative. Okay so on 3-3-09, I was called into “Team”. That’s where you sit around a table and the people on your “Team”, your Psychiatrist, Social Worker, Case Manager, Head Nurse, Psychologist, and so on, talk about why you are there, and your goals in treatment, and progress. Okay I read to them what I’d journaled that day. Anyway they said I had goals and being In-Patient I couldn’t meet them. I told them, I wasn’t feeling “safe” still. They still insisted I leave and go on with my life. I kept talking to them, they just didn’t get it, and actually it’s LAW that you keep someone in patient if they are a risk to themselves. I kept pleading with them. I have history with this hospital. The 1st time being 18, and I’m 32 now. I’ve been in patient over 50, yes FIFTY times, at like 20 different places. This place (State Hospital), I’ve been there AT LEAST 18 times, the first time there was in 97. So this facility and I, have a history and they’ve screwed me over before. However I’ve been black listed at the other 6 Hospitals that are in my state for being “Lethal” on unit towards MYSELF. So the state hospital is the only option. I was just depressed., had S.I. and so on. So they’ve done this in the past (released me too early). Anyway after talking for like 20-30 minutes, I got up and said “I need to leave before I do something like this,” (I picked up a chair NOT over my head, and shoved it away from me, as I purposely just wanted to put a scare in them,) as they weren’t getting it. The Psychiatrist a female was right in front of me. I purposely threw it to a spot behind her to my left. I went right into seclusion on my own. The campus police, came into the “Quiet Room”. They told me they were thinking of arresting me for simple assault a Class A Misdemeanor, the MAX punishable by a year in jail, and (or) a $2,000.00 Fine. So they came back in and read me my rights. I was LIVID. I should’ve listened to them. I was running my mouth, saying “Google is a awesome site while winking at the campus police. I told them, I was in “their head”. I told them, I’d be out that night, and I could find guns on the streets (FOR MYSELF). They took it as I’d come back with a gun to confront them. So my bail, was freaking $10,000.00 cash only bail. The next morning at my arraignment they put it to $5,000.00. Still WAAAYY out of my reach.

Okay I WAS WRONG TO THROW A CHAIR. If that was the charge that, okay, guilty. I mean, if I really wanted to hit someone with it I would’ve. I’m not that blind. I honestly didn’t know what to do. I tried talking. BTW my Public Defender’s father is the lawyer Pamela Smart had. Look up the case it’s interesting. Happened up here in New England, in N.H. She said she thought she read the only reason it hit the arm was because the Doctor by instink put her arm in the way to deflect the chair. I swear on the bible I didn’t see that. Plus she’s female, I was raised better. I’m sorry for throwing a chair, BUT it was not “Simple Assault” though. Yes I’ve always as most in my family have a temper, but I usually stuff my rage. Then it goes off fast like a fire cracker. I was on 6 medicines for 5 years, and they at the jail, stopped me cold turker. No they weren’t drugs, but stopping them put my body into shock. I was “On A Watch” for my first 2 and a half days, then a medium security unit. They classified me as a minimum security person. I was sent to that ward. I was terrified, scared as hell. I cried in my bed, and just shook. I was in there with people who had Conspiracy to commit murder, armed robbery (a bank), “The Very Sick”, rapist....etc. This is my very first time in Jail (county). I kept thinking I was going to get jumped. I was having panic attacks...etc. Picture a Chihuaha eyes bugged out and trembling. That was me. I’m NOT saying I’m better than the others, but I felt I didn’t belong there, and was tired of hearing their war stories.

Well today was suppose to be a bail reduction hearing from 5 grand to personal recognizance. The judge was like in the long run, it was in my best interest to plead “No Contest”, so I did. The sentence was 14 days in the House of Corrections which I did, no suspended sentence and being there 14 days I got out today (3-17). I call these the 2 weeks , my longest two weeks, my nightmare 2 weeks. NEVER again will I come back. Your hygiene goes out the window too. Even the workers said “Wow you don’t look like a violent person”. I’m NOT, but on rare occasions I “Explode”. My anger style is more passive-aggressive. I usually stuff it, or the other extreme, I can get heated on rare occasions.

What have I learned. Well even if your treatment team isn’t helping don’t throw chairs. Also I really appreciate the little things now. You don’t know what you have till it’s gone. Also the fact I made it out alive literally, and figuratively, tells me though now I feel emotionally and physically drained, I do have strength I didn’t think I had. I even had a few moments where I did Magic for the others, obviously not too good as my mind was very preoccupied and I was literally shaking like a leaf. Two of the C.O.’s (Correction Officers) did Magic, one really well. He was more into manipulation like card throwing. He showed me Marlo’s Miracle Card Change via the Tenkai, and the invisible pass and his misdirection. Good stuff. He said he used this straight deck called the “Masters” which is like $7.00, I never heard of it. The cards in jail, are VERY OLD AND WORN, missing corners...etc. I made due though. Did I over react? Of course. Did they? Definitely. I mean 2 weeks without my medicine, then this. I’d say a week tops. Over-Kill. Well I know not to throw chairs, but really, what was I suppose to do? I even asked my uncle and he just shook his head too. Thanks, Ed, (Eddini)

P.S. You must know, I’m a bit in a fog. Like being on the computer is foreign to me. I was on facebook, everything has changed. Also a lot of what I did on the computer I forgot. It’s like being where I was it totally took over my mind, obviously. Part of being a man is paying the consequences for your actions. While I stil think 14 days in jail for lightly throwing a chair was OVERKILL, even the people at the jail, workers too agreed, I did what I had to do. However someone said I might have a Law Suit for mistreatment of a inmate, by not giving me my medicine the hole time I was there, and stopping the other ones automatically, which one med, I’m on you can DIE, or have seizures. I was sick as a dog, shaking, feeling hot all over sweating...etc. My Doctor is a legitimate Doctor. It was a nurse practitioner for crying out loud that did Psych. Meds, probably no training in Psychiatry. It’s jail, what to you expect, but still. I’m just putting it behind me and grow.

Ed, (Eddini), C.H.
"Treat Others As You'd Want To Be Treated" - Jesus Christ
Piers
View Profile
Inner circle
A Limited Edition of
1479 Posts

Profile of Piers
I don't know what to say, BUT, my thoughts and prayers really are with you, Ed.

Piers.
Smile



www.justgiving.com/piers-cancer-fund

www.justgiving.com/Piers-Cancer-Fund-2

www.justgiving.com/Piers-Cancer-Fund-3



Finished my 4 months of Chemotherapy in 2009. 3 monthly checks since... and into 2016!



As seen on the QE2 and QM2.

Author of Salem's Cornucopia - SUC Book
Destiny
View Profile
Inner circle
1429 Posts

Profile of Destiny
Ed,

I'm reluctant to comment here, but you've always been a decent and interesting guy online so here's my honest opinion.

Those professionals can give you all the help in the world - but they can't get your life together - only you can do that. In my younger years I was constantly trying to rescue friends from themselves - I'm older and wiser now - I tell them what I honestly believe and then leave them to sink or swim. My help only delayed the day when they had to choose which it was going to be.

First you need to recognise that you need to stop the BS and get it together. You recognise when you do wrong but in a BS conditional way - you only do a little wrong - or it's a carefully considered wrong - WRONG - wrong is wrong and doesn't come with a rating system.

Until you admit to yourself that you're an arsehole when you consider/threaten/suggest violence you can't start to get your act together.

Next the goth thing. The loudest scream for attention and acceptance I know is dressing as a Goth. I've known Goths for the entire 30 years of my adult life and they seem generally to have a desperation to be noticed and appreciated. You need to cut out the Goth thing for a while and accept yourself - once you accept yourself, others will find it easier. (I would go into more detail about what I think drives many Goths but it is a little too personal and judgemental to say publicly).

Put away the make-up, don't listen to the metal - Christian or otherwise for a while - surround yourself with sunshine and happiness for a while - no darkness, no negativity, and start thinking about getting you act together - although you can only do it a step at a time - you need to map out the complete route before you start the journey.

Seeing the professionals haven't managed to help after a decade of trying I feel happy to give you advice as an old dragon whose known a lot of ****-ups in my time.

Best of Luck

Destiny
McAllisterMagic
View Profile
Regular user
196 Posts

Profile of McAllisterMagic
In the words of Tupac " Keep Your Head Up."
Eddini_81976
View Profile
Inner circle
2183 Posts

Profile of Eddini_81976
Thanks all. Destiny, yes bottom line, I shouldn't have thrown a chair, my family said that. It was wrong. In jail, I started reading my bible more and that has helped. As far as "Goth", while I may be a little Gothic, I don't consider myself Goth. I don't care for labels. I consider myself, Catholic, first and foremost, a Metalhead with Gothic Tendencies. As far as accepting myself, I do. As far as the make-up, I've only worn it 5 times in my life like that. It's a character, no more, no less. I don't have the energy to put it on...lol. Also I agree, that I need to be around sunshine, and I AM in the summers. I LOVE the sunlight. In thye winters we don't get it that much. It's seasonal with me. I loved the ride home seeing the sun, tress grass, I took it in. As far as the "B.S.", I don't know what you are talking about. I'm me take it or leave it. Anyway DO agree with you. You can only help others so much. I DO need to get more on track, and I've TRIED really, but I'll keep trying and not give up. So we agree on 90% of that stuff. Thanks for replying...ROCK ON ... Oooowwwww !!! Ed, (Eddini), C.H.
"Treat Others As You'd Want To Be Treated" - Jesus Christ
Eddini_81976
View Profile
Inner circle
2183 Posts

Profile of Eddini_81976
Yes, though I don't think the experience was totally warranted like I said it was a learning experience. I found out as I said, I'm stronger emotionally than I thought I was. Also, you don't know what you have till it's gone, like your freedom. Yesterday on the way home I was just happy to see the sun, trees, all the beautiful sites. Here in America we have so much oppurtunity, it's awesome. Yes, I've been in a rut, but I want to be more and do more with my life. I can't be a loser all my life. Obviously I know not to throw chairs bottom line. I honestly don't know what to do then after talking to them calmly for close to half an hour. I won't throw a chair though. I guess I could've put a complaint in the complaint box. I've also learned not to trust hospitals too. They just screw you, when they say there their to help. Oh well, I might be worse emotionally now, I feel beaten emotionally, and physically. I brought (a good part of it on myself). Oh well, I plan to move on with my life with what I learned. I'm going to try to get a part time job, or volunteer sometime. I read the book (which was made into a movie) "A Walk To Remember", though sad and heart-wrenching at the end, actually at the end, I cried a good hour or so...lol, what a great book. It's different a little from the movie in which Mandy Moore and Shane West played. Mandy's Character was always helping people (Jamie Sullivan). She visited Orphans, volunteered, was always rescuing animals, always had her Bible with her (her father was a old guy who raised her. Her mom died in child birth so at 55 he a Minister raised her on his own). I'm buying the movie now though I saw it years ago. I just want to give more back, though I've sincerely tried in the past, I'm just going to try harder. They say things happen for a reason. A pessimist look for bad in a good situation, and a Optimist looks for oppurtunity in a bad situation, and I DID do that in jail, though I still think it was a overkill punishment for throwing a chair that hit NO ONE. That's life, and life is not fair. Bottom line I shouldn't have thrown a chair. Ed, (Eddini), C.H.
"Treat Others As You'd Want To Be Treated" - Jesus Christ
Piers
View Profile
Inner circle
A Limited Edition of
1479 Posts

Profile of Piers
You'll be wiser for the experience.

Piers.
Smile



www.justgiving.com/piers-cancer-fund

www.justgiving.com/Piers-Cancer-Fund-2

www.justgiving.com/Piers-Cancer-Fund-3



Finished my 4 months of Chemotherapy in 2009. 3 monthly checks since... and into 2016!



As seen on the QE2 and QM2.

Author of Salem's Cornucopia - SUC Book
Pauldela
View Profile
Special user
U.K
882 Posts

Profile of Pauldela
Man up.
Eddini_81976
View Profile
Inner circle
2183 Posts

Profile of Eddini_81976
That's what I did Pauldela, right on. I HAD to, Ed, (Eddini), C.H.
"Treat Others As You'd Want To Be Treated" - Jesus Christ
Eddini_81976
View Profile
Inner circle
2183 Posts

Profile of Eddini_81976
Yesterday I did a lot of thinking, and while what I did was wrong, and so on, and I DID need consequences for my behavior, NOT 2 weeks, but maybe 3 days and 2 nights. After talking to people, (1 here) and others, over the medication issue, just cold stopping 7 medications ALL AT ONCE, after being on most 5-6 years, that is called mistreatment of a inmate. While the experience for the most part I'm putting behind me and learning what I've learned, today (Friday 3-20-09) I WILL be contacting attorney's over this, and NO, I've never EVER sued anyone in my life. Actually, I've been hit by a car at 19 not my fault got up and went off. Once in 2002 or 2003 when in a different hospital they had to take me down (physicaly restrain me), I landed on both my elbows facedown. It wasn't till the next day they agreed to take me to another (Physical Hospital) and my right elbow was broken, not a crack, but the bone was completely broken. I could've sued them, and people thought I was crazy I didn't. So, NO, I'm not a person, who goes around suing people. While in County Jail, the C.O.'S (Correction Officers) were nice, at times using the word "Sir", the medical part was bad. They DID keep up my Asthma Medicine, and only after 5-6, they started up my High Blood Pressure medicine as I was having a Major Panic Attack the lower number was like 100 (my highest ever a few years ago was 113), and it's suppose to be around 80. They started that. They stopped, my Cymbalta (antidepressant), Klonopin (Antianxiety, in which if stopped suddenly can cause seizures and death), Ambien C.R. (Sleep Medication), Neurontin (Mood Stabilizer, but has many uses), and my P.R.N.'S (Take ONLY As Needed). They did put me on Doxepin (a older tricyclic Antidepressant, in which I've way in the past have taken Imipramine and Disipramine which are in the same class Tricyclics, but didn't work).

Their reasoning was I was "Over-Medicated", and sometimes when that happens you can lose your inhibitions. Their reasoning too, was to rid me of all medications and see what I "presented with", which to them was severe Depresion / Anxiety. Still they could've slowly tapered me off. They were like "Ed you are on too many medications, and like 2-3 treat the same thing". I called my Doctor Tuesday (3-17-09) when I got out, and told him, that each one was for something specifically. Oh yes that's another thing. I signed releases to my home Doctor, all they got was his "Notes", but not testing, medication trials or anything, NOT to mention, the NURSE PRACTITIONER, probably no training at all in psychology, or psychiatry. I KNOW medication isn't the ONLY thing. When I was free before, I wasn't seeing my Therapist / Hypnotherapist regulary, like I did weekly 2 summers ago, and then I did good. We'd talk a half an hour and do Hypnotherapy the other half hour. I was a lot more stable. Also I haven't been to church in a year or so. When "I'm in" my church I tend to do better too.

So please don't think "Well this guy is SOLEY relying on medication, and therapy". FALSE because the past year I haven't been involved in my therapy as I should. I will now. I see my therapist today at noon. We are going to work on my anger so this NEVER happens again. I DON'T know it all, but I do know my medications somewhat well, have a thick PDR (Physicians Desk Reference) it list thousands of all types of medications and side-effects. Even my doctors plus others said I know my medications well.

I keep saying what I did was wrong, but it seems to people (one person really)here that I'm minimizing my role. I'm not just stating facts and the whole story and it hurts for someONE to say that. If the charge was throwing a chair, you know what I'M GUILTY, simple as that. Am I guilty of S.A. (Simple Assualt) no way. I'd be lying and being fake. One pet peeve is fake people, always has. I'd rather (though I might get ****ed and ****y someone be real, than patronize me and be fake. I've prayed over this a lot. I've asked God's forgiveness, not so much for the chair throwing THOUGH I HAVE, but the stuff, I said after my arrest as I was livid as it wasn't simple assault. I feel horrible at the terrible things I said to the campus security police at the state hospital.

"You're only around due to your Mom being in those sick Mexican shows with the Donkeys"

"Google what a site" Referring indirectly to googling the cops names.

"I'm in your mofo head" in which he replied "No I'm in your head as you are the one doing all the talking".

"You know there's a lot of unsolved murders in my town, interesting isn't it"

They replied "You got something to confess?" in which I replied "no", he said "that's what I thought"

"I'll be out tonight and it's easy to get a gun off the street, that I can USE ON ME" Later at the arraignment they were like "Mr. D claimed he'd get a gun off the street, drive up here and confront us after work in the parking lot. While a VERY BAD thing to say that was taken out of context. Anyway that's how come my bail cash only was first $10,000.00 then $5,000.00 was so high for a Class A Misdemeanor. At the arraignment they made me sound like a "madman" that was coming back to shoot up the place. I whispered to my Public Defender that the gun WAS FOR ME. The judge replied "Mr. D. I don't care if the gun was for you or not, you're cleary a danger so therefore I'm taking the prosecutor's advice on bail".

"You wouldn't want your kids and wife to worry about you", in which he said "I don't have kids" in which I replied "Well I was doing something called Cold Reading" in which I described what cold reading was to him.

I looked at them while punching my hand winking at them.

I could go on but I won't. I was TOTALLY...totally off base, and if I could I'd apologize. I'm not excusing what I said, but when ****ed, I have the tendency to know even in other situations to know exactly what to say that will wound someone most severely, below the belt so to speak. I'm NOT proud of it. It sickens me.

It's a Domino effect. Cause and effect. Last December, I Od'ed on 50 pills. So then I should've checked myself in before that happened. My sister had my niece, whom I'm love dearly. I made a deal with her, that I would not take my life, as she said she'd be honest with Kayla my niece, about my demise and I AGREED with her. I don't / didn't want to put my family through that it's not fair to them. THAT'S WHY I CHECKED MYSELF IN BEFORE I REACHED THE POINT OF NO RETURN. I went in the HOSPITAL on 3-1-09. Then on 3-3-01, so I DIDN'T make the same mistake keeping my promise. I went to go in before it got bad, to nip it in the bud quicker so to speak. I was VERY cooperative till that incident. I read the them what I wrote in my journal, which I'll post here. You might be like "Ed you already described the situation, now you are bordering on T.M.I. I don't think so. You're my friends. It was bad to make you worry, not fair. HONESTLY, I was going to write "I was gone two weeks but I'm back and better", as I thought it was nobody's business. You however deserve as my friends / friends as fellow performers to know the truth and to do otherwise I'd be being fake. You deserve more that that. I told you I respect you too much.

I told them I WASN'T ready. They've released me too soon, just for me to almost die at home and be rushed back. They've done it before. This Hospital, EVEN MY OWN DOCTOR and THERAPIST agree. So I had rage toward them for years anyhow.

To be fair here's their point of view. (I AM fair). They said essentially "Mr. D. you're 32, have had OVER 50 inpatient stays. It's like when things get too stressful, you treat this place as a get away club, when this hospital, is for the extremely sick, not a get away retreat. We DON'T believe you're that sick. You ask a lot from the "universe", but don't put much back into it Ed. We like what you wrote in your journal, you have some good goals but being in patient you are just slowing getting those goals. You need to work with your outside therapist who can help you better". I said "yes I get what you're saying but the fact of the matter is I DO NOT trust myself and I do not want to make the same mistake as I did last December and you let me out only to come back. By law if I'm a danger to myself, I NEED to be in a place that's safe. I'm thinking of my family most of all, because last December they had a huge scare, and they DON'T DESERVE THAT". Anyway while I DID TRULY get what they were saying, I felt they WEREN'T because THEY WEREN'T getting my point of view. That's when I got up and said "Look I got to leave before I do something stupid like THIS, I picked up the chair and threw it off to the side, SO I WOULD NOT HIT SOMEONE, only to get a point across. I MYSELF put myself in seclusion, which after a action like that I would've anyway, I didn't fight it, I went straight there on my own.

I'm NOT hand on the bible (that's something I and my family take seriously being Catholic, though not perfect. I shouldn't admit this as it could be used against me or my family. My mom will be like hand the bible you did or didn't do this. That's MY LIE DETECTOR, and HERS TOO) making excuses. You can see why I was so livid when I got arrested for simple assault when (granted I SHOULDN'T have thrown a chair period I KNOW that so don, and I mean it !!!!!!! keep saying that) the chair made no contact WITH NO ONE, hence my UNCALLED for tirade against hospital security police. It TRULY makes me sick, what I said. I know God has forgiven me I just have to forgive myself as my therapist said over the phone. SIMPLY PUT IT BEHIND ME. I was punished for it, and DON'T need anymore!

As far as if I get angry or hurt is more the right word, NOTHING has changed, if anything, believe it or not even my past blow-ups were MILD, YES MILD, but by doing that, my anger get's stuffed. If you stuff too long, even psychologist will say that anger WILL, and HAS to come out. So from now on if I feel I'm being put down, overly critized, messed with, I'm going to let you knoe MORE SO than in the past. Just check my older post. It's simple, as my quote I try to live by "Treat Others As You Want To Be Treated". That's HAND ON BIBLE is how I try to live HONESTLY. You treat me with respect I'll do the same, if not then.....you know 0_-. I do honestly have a good heart. People who know me will tell you that. I'm just saying I'm not going to hold back. It's unheathly, and YES I've had assertiveness training. Being assertive means politely speaking up for yourself and not letting people walk over yourself.

I LOVE this site and you guys. I've learned a lot from people here, and like the support, in which in turn I've given back best of my ability. Again thanks Destiny, Pauldela (yes this HAS "manned me up it HAD to")Piers, Francis...etc. Your words mean lots to me. In turn I'm here if you need me, Ed, (Eddini), C.H.
"Treat Others As You'd Want To Be Treated" - Jesus Christ
rowdymagi5
View Profile
Inner circle
Virginia
3133 Posts

Profile of rowdymagi5
You probably need to try some alternative treatments, doesn't sound like the meds you are on or the counseling you are getting is helping much.
Piers
View Profile
Inner circle
A Limited Edition of
1479 Posts

Profile of Piers
Keep going, Ed.

We're in this together.

Piers.
Smile



www.justgiving.com/piers-cancer-fund

www.justgiving.com/Piers-Cancer-Fund-2

www.justgiving.com/Piers-Cancer-Fund-3



Finished my 4 months of Chemotherapy in 2009. 3 monthly checks since... and into 2016!



As seen on the QE2 and QM2.

Author of Salem's Cornucopia - SUC Book
Eddini_81976
View Profile
Inner circle
2183 Posts

Profile of Eddini_81976
Thanks Piers. Rowdy the Therapy has worked in the past but as I said, the past year or so I quit going regularily, then the trouble started. So it's on me and nobody else to make it to the appointments. As I said I was doing good when I was going weekly. Now it's been like 1-2 times a month. That's my bad. So I plan on going weekly again. Doing that, with work a lot better and she is alternative. Besides, being a LICSW Licsensed Social worker with Training in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, she is a Liscensed Clinical Hypnotherapist, and a MASTER NLPer, specializing in Ericksonian Hypnosis. She's 72. She has 40 years experience in talk therapy, and 30 in hypnotherapy. She has like over 10 degrees and certificates, and belongs to over 6 hypnotherapy organizations, behavioral therapy organization, she has training in conflict resolution, family, child, and marital therapy. She's a graduate of Tufts. SHE'S THERE. It's me who wandered away. About a year ago during one of our many Hypnotherapy sessions through no fault of her own, I had a Panic Attack. It was weird, I was physically relaxed but panicking in my mind. I told her. She said we could do talk therapy. Well we did that too, one half hour talk therapy, one half hour hypnotherapy. She's very understanding. Now I have no problem hypnotizing others, but being hypnotized brings flashbacks. It could've happened anytime while walking for instance. I don't blame her in the least and would reccomend her to anyone. She knows Betty Erickson, as in Arizona they have a yearly convention or did. I'm not sure Betty is alive.

As far as the medicine all work but the antidepressant which for me is Cymbalta. Since 15, I've been on like 25 different medications antidepressants and mood stabilizers. I've had REAL SUCCESS with a few of them, but what happens is after a couple of years they lose effectiveness. My mom, brother, sister, maternal uncle, maternal grandfather, maternal great aunt have all been on meds. My uncle who passed on at age 49 in 2006, had E. C. T's (Electro Convulsive Therapy). Though 99% safe, you only have short term memory for like two hours plus a little headache, then it comes back to you. My uncle had 2 treatments about a year apart and he said "Eddie, it's the best thing that I could've done". While yes, I know it's 99% safe, I feel with my luck, I'd be in the 1% which is SO EXTREMELY RARE. I know all my Magic, and I'd hate to start back at square one. They suggested it to me on two occasions. They've suggested a group therapy called DBT Dialetical Behavioral Therapy based on a book by Marsha Lineham I think that's her last name. The class has homework, you HAVE to do daily. The theory is you got the emotional mind, and the intellectual mind. Being JUST IN either one is bad. So you try to use the TWO MINDS together which is called the WISE MIND. They have a group at the Mental Health Center where I live. I fired them 6 years ago, they treated me like crap. To go to the group you need to be a patient. My Doctor is private and well as my therapist. My Doctor is actually the medical director for the local Psychiatric Hospital in my town. He's VERY GOOD. Now I personally don't believe in Psychoanaylsis, but he's certified in that, even has a couch. I see him once every 3 months for med maintenance and to check in for a half an hour. Anyway before going in the hospital I saw him, and he talked about putting me on a medication called Lamictal, which originally is for seizures but a few years back was FDA approved Depression in Bipolar Type II (What I have specifacally, plus Panic Attack Disorder with Social Anxiety). As of now I'm on nothing for Depression, so when I see him, we'll try something we haven't tried. He's a good Psychopharmacologist.

I must say and I KNOW this you CANNOT rely strictly on Medication. You HAVE to meet it halfway, such as through therapy which I cut down drastically, again my own doing, and I haven't been involved in my church for over a year. So my game plan is....

1) See therapist AT LEAST once a week again.
2) Get out of my house more and not isolate, which is probably why I'm so lonely.
3) Get back into Daily Mass, and Daily Rosary.
4) Get a exercise regime going. (In jail I talked about my 2-3 LITERALLY hour Panic attacks where I'm so scared I get catatonic "Scared Stiff" and I dissacossiate hand have feeling of unreality or like I'm dreaming). I talked about my anger. The lady said anger and panic is just "Misplaced Energy", and she asked if when that happens if I've tried jumping jacks...etc. The other extreme of my Panic attacks is I'l pace for 1-2 hours scared out of my mind. She said that's fine but something to really get the heart going. I told her during a bad anxiety attack my heart goes like 120-140 (LITERALLY) a minutes and I get scared of heart attacks. She said she's NEVER heard of someone dying strictly from a Panic Attack. I'd told her about distraction techniques working, and self-hypnosis she said "Again that's mental and good, but Ed, you need to do something physical too".
5)Do volunteer work and (or) a part time job.

I'm seeing my Therapist/Hypnotherapist in 20 minutes so we'll talk more. Thanks again wish me good luck, Ed.
"Treat Others As You'd Want To Be Treated" - Jesus Christ
Magnus Eisengrim
View Profile
Inner circle
Sulla placed heads on
1064 Posts

Profile of Magnus Eisengrim
Hi Ed.

You really are an amazing guy. In lots of ways. Take care. Listen to Destiny. And keep us posted as you move on.

John
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.--Yeats
gsidhe
View Profile
Inner circle
Michigan
1726 Posts

Profile of gsidhe
Everything aside...I like the new avatar.
You look good.
Be well.
Gwyd
Eddini_81976
View Profile
Inner circle
2183 Posts

Profile of Eddini_81976
Thanks, you all too, Ed, (Eddini), C.H.
"Treat Others As You'd Want To Be Treated" - Jesus Christ
rowdymagi5
View Profile
Inner circle
Virginia
3133 Posts

Profile of rowdymagi5
Keep your head up, Ed. Positive things will come soon!
stoneunhinged
View Profile
Inner circle
3079 Posts

Profile of stoneunhinged
Actually, Ed, that line about the donkey show was pretty darn funny.

Like the others have said: listen to Destiny. Print out her advice and read it several times a day.

Jeff
Ron Reid
View Profile
Inner circle
Phoenix, Arizona
2733 Posts

Profile of Ron Reid
Hello Ed:

I like the new avatar so much better. I just got done reading Destiny's advice to you and it was so good!

There's a book that changed my life. I bought it for two other people and it changed their's too, in a dramatic way. Send me a PM with your address and I'll go out to the store today and buy it and send it to you...no charge of course. It's just a smallish paperback, but it will speak to a number of things you've not been able to shake.

If you like it, keep it or pass it on to someone else. If not, toss it away.

Sincerely,

Ron Reid
Magicman0323
View Profile
Special user
Just outside parts unknown.
713 Posts

Profile of Magicman0323
Ed,

I wish you the best of luck my friend! I'm a EMT and I have dealt with ALOT of both 302's and 201's in my career.

If you need to talk, I'm here. We all are....
You'll wonder when I'm coming, you'll wonder even more when I'm gone. - Max Malini
The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Looking out for our own » » I had a Nightmarish experience the past 2 weeks. Never again though, thank God. (0 Likes)
 Go to page 1~2 [Next]
[ Top of Page ]
All content & postings Copyright © 2001-2020 Steve Brooks. All Rights Reserved.
This page was created in 0.43 seconds requiring 5 database queries.
The views and comments expressed on The Magic Café
are not necessarily those of The Magic Café, Steve Brooks, or Steve Brooks Magic.
> Privacy Statement <

ROTFL Billions and billions served! ROTFL