You can't walk into Home Depot or Lowes without imagining 3 new magic tricks.

You notice that your finger tips and toe nails are turning white and everything in between is turning dark and you like to hear magic words.

You're over 16,000 posts and all of them were made on a smart phone.

When you don't know what a smart phone is...

The post office delivers all packages from Hocus Pocus to your house even if the address is incorrectly labelled.

Your proctologist asks how long you've been doing sponge balls.

Your proctologist and urologist in a joint procedure have to remove one red ball and two blue balls

I did not know they made blue sponge balls.

Who mentioned sponge balls.

Your neighbors wonder if you raise rabbits for food.

You are actually a prospect for a purple suit.

You have three purple suits, at your ready.

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You use more Woolite than your wife does.

You are familiar with the latest posts on The Café but you have not seen a newspaper in 2 weeks.

You are waiting to see which presidential candidate is endorsed by Genii magazine.

You believe that Obama won't be re.nominated by the Democratic party to run in the next election

You buy shoes that have plenty of room for a toe switch.

You have a really big piggy bank for your jumbo coins.

You sign your checks with a nail writer.

You spend far too much time pointlessly arguing with Payne under the "The Good News" FCM heading on The Magic Café'