All your polo shirts have a little card suit logo...

You have written and rewritten a set of instructions 19 times because everyone you show them to changes everything around.

Dawn breaks and you are still working on that coin move.

You microwave your hat years just to make sure they break open easy.

Every night when your wife comes to bed you say, "Ladies and Gentleman my lovely assistant."

You know hot to hang a load 16 different ways and no diapers are involved.

At your child's birth, you step in front of the doctor and announce, "and now for my greatest production..."

Before you even get out of bed you check for PMs

When you hear a small child call it's grandmother "nana" and you immediately shout, "No, it's Nani!"

You are constantly going in stores just to look at chairs, chairs and only chairs.

Every woman you look at, you subconsciously evaluate if she is light enough for your suspension illusion.

Your kids won't play old maid with you...

You can't buy a suit unless you are convinced there is room for your loads.

You take a briefcase of stuff to the suit shop and you ask for a suit that's 3 sizes too big.
The salesman gives you an odd look.
Then you load the jacket - it fits perfectly - and you ask that just the pants be taken in.

I must have 30 suits with a 32 waist and a 46 jacket. The problem is when you go somewhere that you're NOT working, then the coat hangs off you like a tarp on a sailboat.

When your doorbell rings the Magic Land of Allakazam theme plays.

Or a little train comes rolling through!

You name your first born son "Rebo"

You write these quips down and use them because ............. That's it, BeCauSe

You find yourself doing emsley counts with your money at the bank.

You practice using you Bang Gun outside the White House.