You spend all your time writing nasty letters threatening to sue magicians because they stole all your tricks.

You practice your tricks while the preacher is speaking in church.

You are a preacher and you put wine in a Foo Can

You practice magic tricks while you are asleep.

You rent a storage locker for all the stuff you’re never going to use.

You buy the $800 Miser Dream Bucket instead of the $10 one.

You take sleeping pills at 7PM so you can wake up and post all night

You spend more time in chains than someone on a chain gang.

At midnight you face east and play with your prayer stick.

The only workout you get is doing
finger exercises...

Old Mother Hubbert Might have a lot of kids but you could fill that shoe with props ten times over.

You can only sleep when you are in a sub trunk

We couldn’t find an assistant one day, at the amusement park, until someone pushed the Asrah table and Lo and Behold… she was napping inside.

You put your sponge balls in the refrigerator to see if there misses mistakes them for tomatoes.

When you eat the sponge balls your wife put on your sandwich not realizing they weren't tomatoes

Threatening your doves with Shake & Bake if they don’t listen

You try to hypnotize your friend
into paying the tab...

You try to levitate yourself out of bed in the morning

You can't pick up a piece of rope without saying "I have one rope with one middle and two ends..."

You try to make close up pads from old retreads you find on the highway.