... you look at homeland security and say "Beginners"

You can't eat your onion rings until you link 2 of them...

... using any of three different methods.

... your friends ask you for help with a self-breaking mirror.

..your not sure which change in your pocket ISN'T gaffed.

..most of your Sharpie pens are not what they appear to be.

... when you have no show and print posters anyway.

You spend $100 in gas, and land a gig that pays .... $100...

... you think you're gonna get a big gig just by sitting by the phone.

You have 2,000 magic demos on youtube...

All your table settings are on close-up mats

You sneak into the White House as an aid to Professor Hoffman

You only own carry-on luggage

The only colors you Photoshop with are red, black, yellow and occasionally blue

You insist that children should never say please or thank you, they should always say Sim Sala Bim

(That would be funny, someone gives your kid an ice cream cone and they ask "what do you say" and the kid says "Sim Sala Bim"

You only use vanishing cream on your hands...

... you think this is really funny!!!

It's more believable then being the aid to Okito.

...........You are reading this thread

You keep your aspirin in an Okito box...

You make a rose out of your napkin at every meal

... you brave sub freezing temps to work in your magic workshop.

... you use more ZipLoc bags for magic than in the kitchen.

... when you believe that you are the "chosen one."

That all your clothes colors are black or red... That you use only Wizard room deodorizer... or Merlin shocks... That you never tip at restaurant's as you want to experience "the miser's dream" when sleeping later... That you asked Jeff McBride for a DNA sample...That you have asked your doctor if he could inject you with a DNA "magic gene"... That you only perform using sand from the real desert... that you're more excited about SCAM next weekend in Columbia, S.C. than you are about your nephew's wedding next weekend in Columbia, S.C.... That you bought a gavel for Harry Anderson to autograph next weekend... That you looked for a 1/2 hour on the Sterlini Magic web site for it's street address hoping it would be in Colon... That you carry around a rabbit's foot in your stocking camp to always be ready to produce a rabbit out of your hat... That you wrote Craig Ferguson asking when the next "magic week" will be... That you think Leno would have been more successful if he had more magicians on... That your ipod has velco on the back so it sticks better inside your magic stand... That your Christmas Card family photo has at least one live rabbit in it... That your car stereo has Arthur Stead or Wilma Rench music in the CD slot... That all your cars are black with white rabbit lettering... That your cookie jar is really a dove pan... That you recognize magic made in India simply by looking at the color of the outside packing box... That you know what a new trick purchased from Abbott's smells like... That you've seen the Christmas "parade" in Colon... That you know what the FISM letters stand for... That you saw Gene Anderson reading a newspaper... That you asked Chezpro for a Twinkie... That you said to Franz H. "And I thought you'd be bigger in your type of work"... That you felt sorry for the three card monte guy arrested on "Cops" in New Orleans... That you asked your doctor to leave sponge balls behind where your appendix was... That you told your grandson not to suck his thumbtip... That you asked Jason Alexander what it was like to know Max Maven...