You own more chop cups than drinking glasses.

You manually search all the threads (but know in your heart, the search function is gone forever).

You can do anything with a safety pin, except change a diaper...

When you change the diapers you pocket the final load.

That's enough! I'm out o here.

You cut a deck of cards and aren't surprised that you cut to an ace.

You pick up stacks of matching tabloids for torn and restored newspapers.

When you have three years of magic magazines still in their plastic covers.

The last time you picked up a best seller was 20 years ago.

When you don't own any pocket knives that can't be used for color changing knives.

None of your scissors will cut a rope.

You practice the paddle move with your kayak oar...

You don't even know the meaning of the word kayak.

When you spend hours on the internet trying to find a key to fit a sub trunk.

Your lawn's flower garden is in the shape of a top hat...

It's your birthday and all you want is a magic trick.

It is and I do.

Its your birthday and you would like a magic trick but you already own every affordable good trick on the market.

You spend a 24 hour marathon watching your magic DVDs and haven't even gotten half way through the first shelf.

You assume Lawrence Welk says "A wand and a two".

You have six props for the same trick and haven't taken any of them out of their original packaging.