I'd be interested to know everybody's favourite magic related jokes. Not necessarily stuff that you use in your acts. But any type of jokes involving magicians or magic.

P.S. Has anybody seen the new Alex Elmsley video's? I haven't seen the third one but I saw the first one twice!

Have you heard the joke about the Masked Magician who was driving to a show and during a rather severe foggy morning, his car went through the barriers, off a bridge and into a swift flowing river. He called for help, and fortunately for him three boys were biking nearby. There was a minister's son, a lawyer's son and a magician's son. They all came to his rescue. After they pulled him from the water and revived him, he granted each of them a reward for their brave actions. He asked the minister's son what he wanted. He wanted a $10,000.00 donation for the poor orphans in Afganistan. "It's yours!" he replied. And then he asked the lawyer's son what reward he wanted. "I want a new dirt bike, complete with a good insurance package." "No problem, it's yours," said the Masked Magician. And then he turned to the magician's son and asked, "And what would you like son?" "I'd like a wheelchair!" "But, you're not handicapped!" "I will be when my dad finds out who I've saved!" answered the magician's son.

Darryl the Wizard

LOL, Nice one Daryl!

Hear about the little maniac that wanted to be a magician? He was sent to an institute for doing the following routines.....

Set fire to his Mother (Red hot mumma)

Beat Mr Sandwich with a baseball bat (Club Sandwich)

Stole a mastercard (Card to wallet)

Made counterfeit notes (Presto printo)

Poured someone's cremated relative onto their hands (Ashes in the palms)

Gave an Italian kid LSD (Balducci levitation)

Stole a bit of America's History (Made the Statue of Liberty disappear)

Sent sick DON'T get well cards to hospital patients (Card Wharp)

They caught the boy in Alaska (Frozen in time)

Ok, I'll go now.

How many magicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?


100


1 to do it and 99 to argue about who invented the method.

Dear Fingerjack,

That's hilarious, for it's definitely true.
Darryl the Wizard

I must confess that I have shamelessly plagiarised the following Magician/Lightbulb jokes from various sources.

How many magicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

121

1 magician to change it

80 magicians to criticise how he changed it

40 magicians to claim that they've come up with a new method to change it

And don't forget.....

4 lovely assistants to dance around the magician as he changes the lightbulb

20 to write letters to magic magazines about changing lightbulbs

9576

1 magician to go up and change the lightbulb

9575 magicians to say "That should be me up there"

532 to call up the local magic dealer the next day to buy the "Changing Lightbulb" effect

100 who buy the lecture notes

1 who convinces Channel 4 to give him a TV special based on changing lightbulbs

973 who claim that he didn't deserve a TV special for something as simple as changing a lightbulb

798 who now think that he invented the lightbulb

2051 who didn't know what a lightbulb was before the TV special, but immediately get business cards printed and start charging people for changing lightbulbs as soon as they found out where to buy lightbulbs

Within 12 weeks, 62% of them think that they know more than anybody else about changing lightbulbs

14% of them can't really change lightbulbs at all, but they find places on the Internet to brag about their lightbulb changing skills

1 after he actually screws in the lightbulb having spent the better part of each and every day practicing his various skills shuffling cards, flipping special coins across his hairy knuckles, twirling a ballpoint pen endlessly around in circles between his forefinger and thumb, snapping rubber bands between his fingers, pulling handkerchiefs out of his **** and other body cavities, stacking coins, patting the bunny, and watching outdated videos

Dave

Dave, that was great. I'm laughing and dancing!

:sun:

How many magicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

loaaaaaaads! Each one of them wanting credit for changing it, no one ever giving credit to the original bulb!

Hey the above are brilliant and so true, now I prefer a different method for the lightbulb, I don't like the scew in type, I prefer the bayonet type for ease, I'm not sure who invented this one, er, er.. mm... blah, blah...

It's good to laugh isn't it
:lol:

Nice one, Dave.

You could also add:

1 to discover that someone else had actually screwed in the light bulb, but the clever TV editing made it look as though the magician did it.

2563 to then complain it wasn't "real" magic, due to the TV editing.

Also,

654 to claim they can perform the change using a real lightbulb, and that "gaffed" lightbulbs are for amateurs only.

6523 to buy the "Changing Lightbulb" effect, only to find the secret is so overpriced and simple they put it at the back of a drawer and forget about it.

And there's always,

1 to accidentaly replace one of the dud lightbulbs in his house with the gaffed one, thus losing it forever.

If you do use a gaffed lightbulb do you still need the switch...

Just the ELEMENT of surprise...

Hi,
Did you here about the magician who was also a contortionist and clairvoyant .........

Apparently he could forsee his own end!

phillip

This a lightbulb thread now?

Whose BRIGHT idea was that then?

Well done, Dave! as ever, starting a ruckus lol (j/k)

That's true, it's not very illuminating. Besides, there's a new gaffed lightbulb that puts the old one in the shade...

Where did the lightbulb come from in the first place.
What is the motivation for changing the lightbulb?
How did he do it?
Why did he do it?
Who is that lightbulb magician?
What kind of sound system were they using?
What is the hour rating on the lightbulb?
Was it a florescent or incandescent bulb?
How long is the lightbulb guarenteed to stay lit?
Who makes it?
How much does the Act cost?
Can it be done on a Cruise Ship or in a Trade Show?
What can be added to the act to make it better?
Know any good lightbulb jokes or gags?
What audience reaction would we get if we used a short-skirted female assistant to do it?
What changes could be made to make it work for kids shows?
What alternatives are available if after I do this light bulb thingy and throw the switch and the lightbulb doesn't work?

Was the electricity turned off? Opps!

Den. Answers to your questions:

A box

It was dark

With the help of his beautiful assistant

Cus his assistant was beautiful

A bad electrician

Dunno, they were deaf

It's a minute bulb!

It's an indecent bulb (Dirty)

Till it gets heavy

The handsome guy with the flashy car

Depends on the matresses

A guy with a tash talking German and dodgy music playing in the back

None

I'd be all eyes

Turn it off

The Blaine Torch effect

Electricity? He's a magician! Who needs electricity?

How many wizards does it take to change a lightbulb.
None, for wizards prefer to work in the dark
Darryl the Wizard

One of my favorties is;
After a show a lady asked me how I did an effect. I said "I'd like to tell you but then I would have to kill you." She lightly laughed, then asks.. "Can you tell My husband??"
Most magically yours,
WR

What does a magician use for a contraceptive?

His personality.