Jay: "No way. You must promise you will spend $5 Dynamike, because nothing is selling here. I am about to go out of business to rejoin the Café."

While it's not used for this purpose. I discovered during a "back stage" peek at one of the Newport Mansions (my brother-in-law was the tour guide) that they have a book in the break room filled with stupid questions from the tourists;

"How much does the mansion weigh?"
"Do the Vanderbilts still live in the mansion?"

I actually asked a "smart question" when we were shown a room lined in green silk. I asked; "Why are there two holes in the silk near the door?" My brother-in-law responded; "I'm glad you asked that! When we tell people that this room is lined in silk, some don't believe us. So, (pointing at lower hole) THIS is the little stupid people's hole and (pointing at upper hole) THIS is the bigger stupid people hole!"

So a guy just calls and asks me what I'm doing.

"I'm working in the back" I said.

So offers to come over and hang out with me and show me some card tricks.

My question "Let me ask you something, do you buy a lamb-chop at the grocery store and cook it for the manager?"

"No" He said.

"Do you offer to make some cookies for the baker?"

"No" he said.

"We'll this is the almost exactly same thing, I have 1,000 card tricks here - that I read the directions to - Why would I need to see what I already know?"

Him "I just thought you needed some company".

Me "The only reason I look at card tricks is to see if they're good enough for me to carry or because someone is taking lessons or you invented something that we can sell. Did you invent something we can sell?"

Him "I don't get it. Don't you like card tricks?"

That is one hard core cardician LOL!

Jay, do Eternal Order members get 80% discounts?

On the other hand...... In Jerry Sadowitz's now defunct, but rather magnificent, magazine, 'The Crimp', Toss Cedrick the Magic Dealer was always good for a laugh not least because of how close to the truth the endearing Toss Cedrick came to the real life dealers we've all known and love.

Thank you for approving it in my PM, Jay. I promise I will keep it a secret like you told me.

Customer: I want to be a magician. Can you help me? What should I do?

Dealer: ... what do you think the answer would be?

Jay: "Disappear!!!"

Listen up!! Much worse in a recording studio. Always local nevergonnabees but one calls and asks how much per hour. $65 plus tape I say. Great they say and book an afternoon. They record two songs about five minutes worth. When I told him it was five hours at $65 per he almost choked. He thought it came out to $65 for each hour of music recorded. He thought he owed me about $6. I mean, a roll of two inch tape was $175 for 15 minutes in those days.
-tabman

Customer: Do you know how David Blaine floats on the street?
Customer: I saw a magician once do a really great card trick. Do you have it?
Customer: Do you have the Tarbell course in paperback?
Customer: Do you have a magic trick I can do on my Xbox?
Customer: Do magicians really saw ladies in half?

Yes
yes
no
no
yes

Customer: Do you carry the tabman book?
Customer: Why don't you carry the tabman book?
Customer: Where can I get the tabman book?
Customer: Is my Barnes and Noble coupon good for the tabman book?
Customer: Will tabman autograph my book "To my closest friend in magic"?
Customer: Does the tabman book come with one of his tables?
Customer: If I buy a mouth coil, can you throw in the tabman book for free?
Customer: If I buy the tabman book, can you subtract off the cost of postage and handling?
Customer: Can I learn how to sell my other magic books on Ebay from the tabman book?
Customer: If I read the tabman book, and am not hired in at The Greek Isle Casino, can I get my money back?
Customer: Will the tabman book help put me in GQ?
Customer: Will you take my third party, check #0001, out of state check to pay for the tabman book?
Customer: Can I barter for the tabman book? (I can shovel your walk)
Customer: Do you know where I can buy the tabman book online cheaper than what you are selling it for?

Ans: You can get it from Amazon but if you want it signed you've gotta order it direct from Tabby Crabb aka the Tabman.

And yes, you can learn everything from the tabman book including how to get in GQ, I don't have a walk. Checks are fine. Never got a bad one from a magician because I have high class clients.

Thanks for the mention.

-=tabman

Customer: Can I trim your beard for a free tabman book