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Greg Arce Inner circle 6732 Posts |
A backwoods guy was being checked out at the physician's office. He thought he might have gotten Lyme disease. He told the doctor that he was hunting in the hills for deer. He had skipped the first three hills and went onto the next and that's when he felt a bite.
The doctor said it was probably a deer tick. The guy said, "DOC, HILL FOUR Don't have no deers." Greg
One of my favorite quotes: "A critic is a legless man who teaches running."
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Greg Arce Inner circle 6732 Posts |
Some bank robbers ran from the scene and quickly dressed into business suits to blend into the crowd. The police gave chase and found a witness who had seen them. They were asked the color of the suits ( get ready), they said, "THEY'RE IN BROWN suits."
Greg
One of my favorite quotes: "A critic is a legless man who teaches running."
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Greg Arce Inner circle 6732 Posts |
The new spy were asked what they would say if caught and questioned. The trainer said (get ready), "Two things: Lie AND DENY, MAN."
Greg
One of my favorite quotes: "A critic is a legless man who teaches running."
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Greg Arce Inner circle 6732 Posts |
A man asked how should he apologize to his wife for his big mistake. The friend said, "I think written words are better than spoken ones. Think about all you have to say then take out a PEN AND TELL HER that way."
greg
One of my favorite quotes: "A critic is a legless man who teaches running."
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Greg Arce Inner circle 6732 Posts |
A guy was amazed. In the forest he actually saw a Bigfoot creature smoking a joint. It was a sight! Later when asked what the creature looked like he said, "HAIRY. BLACK. STONEd."
Greg
One of my favorite quotes: "A critic is a legless man who teaches running."
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Greg Arce Inner circle 6732 Posts |
A soldier in the West was trying to get an Indian's son to sign a document so that his dead father's belongs go go to the boy. For some reason the Indian did not understand since in his culture no one has to do such a thing. The soldier tried to explain in what he thought was simple English words and gestures. He picked up the quill and put it on the document and said, "PEN... DRAG ON paper. Make MARK. WILL, SON."
Greg
One of my favorite quotes: "A critic is a legless man who teaches running."
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Ruben Padilla Loyal user Narrative Strategist 206 Posts |
Oh my God, Larry, what have you started?!?!
Don't you realize that Greg Arce won't stop, can't stop, and is probably thinking of something to add to this thread right now?! Seriously, he lives for this stuff, and he's out of control! Somebody please lock this thread, or we'll be subjected to the inner workings of Greg's mind for months to come! "The small child was in the back seat pointing out all the brightly colored vehicles to his mother. Finally, after mentioning nearly all the hues of the spectrum, he excitedly said, "Mommy, look! GREY CAR, SEE?" |
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Greg Arce Inner circle 6732 Posts |
I can stop! I have control! Well...
A little boy sees his parents fighting and now hears that his mother will be taking his father to court. He is shocked as his mother leave to court, but knows she has to do it so he says, "WOW! BYE, MA. SUE, DAD." Greg
One of my favorite quotes: "A critic is a legless man who teaches running."
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Greg Arce Inner circle 6732 Posts |
I looked at my change and said, "Just NICKELS. TWO DIMES."
Greg
One of my favorite quotes: "A critic is a legless man who teaches running."
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Greg Arce Inner circle 6732 Posts |
Once I was stuck in a spinning current of water. All I wanted was OUT OF THIS WHIRL.
Greg
One of my favorite quotes: "A critic is a legless man who teaches running."
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Greg Arce Inner circle 6732 Posts |
I was in a school parking lot when I saw this huge new car. I said, "Who's HUMMER?" "PRINCIPAL's" some said.
Greg
One of my favorite quotes: "A critic is a legless man who teaches running."
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Greg Arce Inner circle 6732 Posts |
I bought a new suit and it instantly starting unraveling. I grabbed at the strands and they easily pulled out. My friend asked what was the problem. I showed it to my friend, "GYP! SEE! THREAD."
Greg
One of my favorite quotes: "A critic is a legless man who teaches running."
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Greg Arce Inner circle 6732 Posts |
Dan and Kane went to a Broadway audition. The director screamed out, "DAN, SING! KANE you're next."
Greg
One of my favorite quotes: "A critic is a legless man who teaches running."
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Greg Arce Inner circle 6732 Posts |
The famous cowboy Tom Mix also had an Indian sidekick. The sidekick never got any credit so he said, "TOM, ME WONDER why no one likes me."
Greg
One of my favorite quotes: "A critic is a legless man who teaches running."
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Greg Arce Inner circle 6732 Posts |
My friend, Jean, and her young boy came over to the shop as we were restocking and putting things away like folders, papers, articles, old actor photos, etc. I had one guy who put away a photo of Rip TORN AND RE-STORED NEWSPAPER BY JEAN AND HER SON.
Phew!!! Greg
One of my favorite quotes: "A critic is a legless man who teaches running."
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pearljamjeff Inner circle Ann Arbor 1247 Posts |
I went to the local pub to try their pizza. The sat us in the back ROOM. SERVICE was terrible. Our server had just converted to the religion Islam. She asked if we had ever read the KORAN. METAL ONIONs would have been tastier than the pizza we ordered. We didn't finish it. We had to PITCH AND DITCH it into the trash. But we kept ordering beer. Our bill kept MULTIPLYING. BILLIARD BALLS were missing from the pool table, so we couldn't play. Next time we're just going to stay home, because my homemade pizza is the best. No one can TOP IT.
Jeff Travilla - I own an advertising agency to help finance my magic addiction.
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pearljamjeff Inner circle Ann Arbor 1247 Posts |
Quote:
On 2009-10-20 03:08, Greg Arce wrote: It must be fun to have your brain. Or terrifying! That's a great one!
Jeff Travilla - I own an advertising agency to help finance my magic addiction.
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Greg Arce Inner circle 6732 Posts |
Dude, it's a sickness. I have OCD in a weird way. It affects me with ideas, words and expressions. When I look at any sign I start to immediately figure all the words I can make from the letters in the sign. It happens without my control.
I actually have to fight it or I'll waste a lot of time. I almost hate to go back to this thread because the pull of coming up with more stuff is strong. I wish I had the OCD that makes you want to organize stuff around your place... that would help a bit more. Greg
One of my favorite quotes: "A critic is a legless man who teaches running."
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Ruben Padilla Loyal user Narrative Strategist 206 Posts |
Greg, let me help you and your disorder...
Your assignment is to come up with just five more. And you'll be free. You will have officially been the best poster in this thread, and we will all bow to you. And to celebrate, I'll even give you a ride in my HOT ROD and buy you a SCOTCH AND SODA . Because if you don't stop this madness, somebody is going to come and take you away in CRAZY MAN'S HANDCUFFS! And you might go to jail and it won't be your fault. Then you'll really know the definition of a PENETRATION FRAME. Alright, I'm done. See how easy it is? Five more and you're finished!!! |
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Greg Arce Inner circle 6732 Posts |
Trump was throwing money into a crowd. An unemployed New Yorker wasn't getting any tossed his way so he shouted, "YO! POOR PERson over here!!"
The little kid was sketching a map of the US from West to East. He had done most of the East Coast and needed two more states. Finally he did New Hampshire AND DREW MAINE. A local supermarket worker was killed as he piled too many boxes and they toppled over. The headline read, "Employee DIES STACKING." I was asked to identify some pictures for a psychological test. One picture asked if the object was bent or not. Another asked what type of clothing was shown. And the other asked which letter went on what piece of Super Hero clothing. I had to answer fast so I said, "STRAIGHT. JACKET. S CAPE." The new Hotel Detective was giving a few skeleton key cards to check rooms. He asked, "Are there any rooms or cards I can't get into?" The owner said, "Nope, works with ANY CARD AT ANY NUMBER." The gravedigger's young boy just started working with him when the first job came up. The boy's friend, Dickie, had died and now the job needed to be take care of. The father put his hand on his boy's shoulder and said solemnly, "BURY RICHARD, SON." The Red Devils had now gotten their third out so it was time for the DEVIL'S PITCHER to get to work. In a crowd of friends I was suddenly hit in the stomach by someone's knee. I turned to my closes friend, Harry, and asked if he did it. He said no so I said, "If you didn't knee me, HARRY, WHO DID KNEE me?" Greg (Phew)
One of my favorite quotes: "A critic is a legless man who teaches running."
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