I get that at least once a show.

Man -I have an idea for a trick
Reply - Good. We're having a round-table discussion, next week, where 8 of us get together and decide the best way to construct a show. Can you make it, tuesday at 2:30?

- - - - - - - - - - -

Lady (with cash in hand) I was hoping you could do a little better then what we agreed on.
Reply - That's funny.... I was thinking the same thing!

Lady - Is that a real coin?
Reply - It's as real as the stone in your ring.

- - - - - - - -
I would like to take this time to thank my agent for this award that I am about to receive.
- - - - - - - -

Lady - (I am wearing a bright silver tux and standing in the middle of an isle at Home Depot)- Lady - Is this the correct bulb for the fixture?
Reply - Follow me to the back of the store where you can fill out a job application... so you can get a job here... so you can get one of those little ORANGE vests... and when you look around it will become obvious to you that the other people who are wearing them also work here BUT THE MAN IN THE $1.200 SPARKLING SILVER TUXIDO does not work here and the reason he is standing in the middle of the isle is because he - himself does not know what he needs either..... so when you find one of those people with the little orange vests would you please send them over to me because I was here first?

----

No I don't say all this kind of stuff to people all day... It's usually after 1 pm, when I wake up.
And no... my phone number was not on the side of my car, at that time either.

Are you the magician?
No, I'm the mime, and get me out of this box...

Lady - (whispering to another)
Reply - Stop licking her ear! I'm watching you two, from now on. (evil eye)

- - - - -

Man (getting up and leaving)
Reply - Would you please take this wireless microphone with you so you can be the roving reporter? What's that, you're going into the what room? Why couldn't you do that BEFORE we started?

- - - -
Just this week - - -

Man (getting up for a drink)
Reply - I know the sports channel seems like it's more important but trust me, Tiger doesn't need you watching him right now. Leave the man alone.

You're on a roll , Jay. ROFL

Male Spectator: How did you do that?

Magician: I could tell you but I would have to kill you!

Male Spectator: Can you tell my wife? (As his wife is slapping him!)

I agree. Jay's come-backs are really great. I like them all.

Man (walking towards restroom) ....
Reply from Gene Gordon: "Mention my name; you'll get a good seat."...

Loud baby crying (really loud)
Reply - Madam... would you please aim your little bundle of joy in another direction... like out side.


(applause from the rest)

Wow! This is a good one.