I was at a lecture last night, and the magician started by saying, "Good evening, raise your hand if you're here tonight." It was pretty funny. Was wondering what other 1-line openers you have used, or have heard to break the ice at the very beginning of a performance?

Wow look at all these faces reminds me of the flip book at the post office.

When I look out there I see nothing but flowers, there are a few weeds but I wont point anyone out sir.

You all look like a great group, how many are married, raise your hands, and how many in love, WOW less hands.. This is the first and last time I open for the Dr. Phil show.

I do comedy magic if I say something funny well that's the magic part.

Hi Whats your names ???

That one's awesome. It hits quick with no set-up line; it's appropriate for any audience; and the larger the audience, the funnier it would be. Sounds like the sort of thing that a young Steve Martin would have said.

Opening line:


"If you have any drugs, take them now."


(come out scratching) "I wanted to start from scratch."


Both of these are Harry Allen lines...probably not appropriate for all audiences.

I agree that "Hi! What's your names?" is a good one.
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Posted: Jan 23, 2010 1:53pm
How about this one:

"Good Evening. You seem like a very nice audience - so far."

Man am I glad to be here tonight! Work release is wonderful stuff.

After one opening effect, I talk a bit and introduce myself. "You may wonder what is the purpose of having a magician here tonight. To answer that question, I'll use an advertising slogan of one of my favorite magicians from many many years ago. His poster advertised that he was a gift from the gods to amuse and mystify. That's all I'm here for, to amuse and mystify. Although, I'm not a gift from the gods....I'm from Pittsburgh."

I haven't heard that one...LOL!

This is not a line but more something I will do sometimes at banquet or wedding shows where there is no MCEE or a dull one. I will go out into the audiance and from my pocket pull out a small tape measure. I will start measuring a guy in the front row, his head, his arms, noise I do this for a few minutes and pretend I am making mental notes of the sizes. I will then say Perfect you will do just fine! Pull that person up on stage and have them read my introduction card. This gets them laughing and primed for my opener.

Funny bit.

Wow! Just look at you! And no one is in restraints,

I like to use a similar line to the OP...

"Raise your hand if you're not here".

For the next half hour, you will better understand the need for mental health insurance.

Hello Ladies and Gentlemen...well that covers most of us!

Can you hear me now?

"Good Gentlemen evening and Ladies." Reach in your pocket as to read a card. Tear it up and say,"Well that settles it. Next time I rehearse everything."

....and that's the end of my show. Unfortunately for you it's the FRONT end of my show.

I use the line the OP stated in my kids show. It actualy atarted out as a genuine enquiry (sometimes there's a few kids missing at the start!) and I turned it into a joke. I found out later it's quite common so a few of us must've come up with the same bit.

You guys might as well give up. Bob is the master!!

" Good Evening, My name's Bob and I'm an Alcoholic,....No, wait, ..sorry, that's Monday nights !
Bob.

Bob I really like yours!