You have to store some of your props in other peoples' trailers.

... Larry the Cable Guy is your favorite magician.

... you have the only Doves to Possum.

You only practice during the Nascar race...

... your kid is named Dale Jr. and your name is not even Dale.

When you take your show 'on the road" ....... so goes your house.

Between shows you use your pick-up truck to deliver phone books.

You carry your own rocks so you can clean your cloths, on the road.

The only way you know how to push illusions around the stage is with the Two Step.

People always want you o make their wife disappear, but never their horse.

You escape from a duct tape Strait Jacket.

You do the Bullet Catch without any gimmicks.

Any "Dead or Alive" trick uses real fish.

Not a single pack of playing cards is a complete set.

You build all your tricks out of wood in your back yard.

You're Cremation illusion is really an old BBQ wagon that is too rusty to cook food on.

You use your belt buckle to hit unruly hecklers.

You keep going to the auto junk yard looking for linking rings because you heard they were.....
Wait for it.
.
.
Yes....... Bumpers.

I have to stop here or some of you might get the idea that I grew up in the Sticks even though it was really the Boonies.

... your cards read "Bubba Whodini" "Magic with a rustic flavor"

... you added a Zebco reel to your aerial fishing outfit.

... Fish bait is a classy production.

... you use a chrome, metal plate rolling toolbox with #3 on it for a magic table.

For your corporate shows, you put on your clean wife beater

You perform the rice bowls with grits...

... the opening music for your platform show is "All My Rowdy Friends" by Hank Jr.

You do the professors nightmare with a lasso...

... and you do your Beer Mugs and Shot Glasses routine to "Rednecks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer," by Vernon Oxford.

You make Hippy Hop Rabbits change place by threatening them with a Winchester.

You use old riffle barrels for Chinese Sticks.

Truck Nuts are your final load, for your chop cup.

You do Bill in Lemon as long as it was grown in the US.

You refuse to call the French Drop anything but the Freedom Drop.

You prefer the pitchfork suspension to the broom suspension.

Your gallows illusion uses a horse.

Your favorite tricks is cut and restored banjo strings (that don't need tuned)

You'r least favorite is color change hank because you have no idea how to stuff two cloth dinner napkins from Dennys in a die tube.

... you produce a possum from a NASCAR cap.

... your Any Drink Called For set up only dispenses Budweiser, Jack Daniels and moonshine.

... one of your tricks is Water to Buttermilk.

... you're booked every year at the local Demolition Derby award show.