... your wife called you a "shiftless drifter" so you got the website for it.

You keep waiting for a magic act on hee haw reruns...

... you belong to a support group called "Bubbas-in-Laws".

... you carry your close up kit in a "croaker sack."

You can't do no kind of levitation trick because you don't want folks to think you're all high and mighty.

... you send all your new assistants on a Snipe hunt, make them look for a left-handed monkey wrench, and then go to the hardware store for a Sky-hook.

... at a meeting of PMZZ your program is a trip to the lumber yard.

Your dog digs a hole to bury this thread.

You're probably right. It may be time!!

Woof woof

You go out yonder and place a magic wig on your horse, so he can live under an assumed mane...

... you moved your bedroom furniture out to your front porch so you have room for your props in the house.

Your open top magic table is a garbage pail.

Your dog digs up an old thread

Your walking through a moving fan illusion instead involves a whirling brush hog lawn mower... Your sponge ball routine has used cotton balls from the plasma clinic that you took off the floor last time you were there... Your card sword is actually an engine oil dip stick... You recreated the Blackstone appearing girl from stack of tires illusion using items found in your front yard...

I thought the appearing girl illusion WAS a stack of tires.

All your assistants are sod busters...

... your show venue also has a mechanical bucking bull.

You commence to whooping all the unruly kids at your show...

... your livestock production plans include Bigfoot.