..all your props smell like Ben Gay. ...

You're relieved to get one good call in the morning, every morning.

And it's a call from Mother Nature.

..and 1 hour later, you get out of bed...

The headline on the newspaper you use is "Hitler Defeated!"

You can remember what a Nash Rambler was like.

You still own a crank pencil sharpener.

You performed at the Stroh's convention...

You bought your Rice Silk encyclopedias one volume at a time as they were available.

Your stage light consist of a gas lamp ignited by a flint lock.

You remember that grease pencils came before Sharpie Pens.

You can't remember how long ago your suit was in style.

Your demo video is still on 8mm...

The people who recorded your show music are dead.

You last performed linking rings by modifying your wife's new hoop skirt.

Your audition tape is on 8mm film.

Your toupee looks like a black hat on a gray squirrel

The last time you mailed your contract for a gig, the postage was 2 cents.

You live at the facility for those without any faculities left.

You can do torn and restored scroll.

You can conceal 3 Morgans behind one of your chins...