I can't speak to the larger moral question and of course I don't know you but there is nothing at all wrong with "Win, Win".

There is one branch of Psychology that says that everything we do is based on some reward. While I don't subscribe to that school of thought I do think that a mutually beneficial relationship is a fine starting place for interaction with others.

I have had those same concerns in my life at times. Sometimes when you are close to the edge in one way or the other you have to be careful not to give away more than you can afford (time, money, strength). You can't help anyone if you can't get along yourself. You should not feel guilty for being sensible.

I'm not suggesting using people but I think that might not be what is going on. Angry roommates are occasionally wrong .

-Mary Mowder

When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf Heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself, and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featur'd like him, like him with friends possess'd,
Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least:
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee,--and then my state
(Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth) sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings'.

Dougini
I dated one woman who was seperated, but I didn't date her a second time, because I couldn't stop thinking about getting a bullet in the back.

If anyone has seen the movie Benjamin Button, great movie. Kind of boring at times, but has some great lessons in it.

For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.

Our lives are defined by opportunities, even the ones we miss.

Okay. I found out why I'm struggling so much. I've finally come to terms with an eating disorder I Have. No one suspected I had it. But I'm getting help now, or will soon.

The obsession with fitness has taken over my life, I've lost 95 lbs ,and gotten to 11% bodyfat (I used underwater weighting, the gold standard so to speak of body fat testing) but I want to lose more. I got too much loose skin. I've lost all interest in magic, numismatics, and video games as well as everything else. I'm having trouble doing the basics now of just living. Its a constant struggle.

I had a break down the other day, when the neurologist told me it was impossible I got my bodyfat that low. I went to the hospital, but it was just anxiety. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I almost went to the "other" hospital .

I hope I'm not letting anyone down. I hope I'm not letting down Eric Jones by not keeping up my promise to release another magic video before I study that presentation book. I didn't keep up my end of the promise. I wanted to make one for the asperger forum but didn't have a presentation yet.

Fish, take it one day at a time.

One day at a time.

Remember, this too shall pass...

Be happy with what you have now. That's the trick imho...

Fishsticks, I've been there.

Pakar is right. One day at a time. Look, there is the future, there is the past, and there is NOW. There is always NOW. The past is gone. Can't do a thing about it. The future isn't here yet! Can't do anything about that! Then, there is "NOW". When you've used up frustrations worrying about past problems, then you used them up worrying about future problems, all that is left is "NOW".

Deal with what you can NOW. Put all the other stuff to the side, because when your priorities are correct, all the others fall into place! Of course having a bit of faith in God never hurts.

Doug

!'m no expert but 11% body fat seems very low. You can't lose extra skin by losing fat.

Despite the extra skin problem, you are wise to lose some weight but don't over do it. If you don't get enough fat you can't think correctly (our brains are mostly fat).

That alone can make you lethargic and myopic in you thoughts.

We are not all the same genetically speaking. So consider that this may be too thin for you. At least ask the Dr. if he thinks it could be a problem.

-Mary Mowder

Hey Fish,
Sorry to hear that you had a breakdown, but I'm really glad to hear you are getting help for your issues. We all have our things, it's just important to figure them out and be open to help when needed. Don't worry about letting others down right now, just focus on not letting yourself down. Get yourself sorted out and then you will be able to come through better than you could have before. Just keep going and realize that there are people out there who not only will help you, but WANT to help you. Also, we are all here for you!

-Adam

Strange, Do something for someone else. To a kid in a cancer ward; tired of tests, vomiting and needles ,you may be the greatest magician in the world.It is the golden rule when you need something,Give something away. If you need a friend be a friend.e
Join Habitat for humanity,tutor someone. At the end of the day you will have accomplished something and that has to make you feel good.

Great advice Glenn...

That's what I want to say... excellent.

That is also my motive why I keep on being a magician, the desperate eyes of laymen. Even just a few seconds magic makes normal people become a child again - when impossible becomes possible.

Warfare, femine, human rights, child abuse, disease, abnormal climate, energy problems... when you look at this world in a macro way, our person problems are no match of what human race is facing now.

You have made the first step to seek help, good job.
You have made a small step of yourself, being busking at a restaurant / waiter, which is a giant step forward to 99% of magicians in the world. You are doing live gig!
You lose over 90 lbs, another 99% of illusionist in the world doesn't know what they should do the first place before asking what illusion should they perform.

In my opinion, you have done at least 3 things that most people cannot do.

Good job.

Try to enjoy the sun, walk on grass, that are things that I want to do but do even not have time to do.

For clothing, throw away all round neck T-shirts with playing cards / skeleton skull on it, read GQ / Esquire... take it slow, in time, you will dress well

A quote I want to share during Magic Con by Max Maven, 'A magician should try to make their audience want to spend time with them, rather than make them stay away.' So try to make your audience wants to spend more time with you and do less tricks, and enjoy the time with your audience. If you do 5 tricks per table, cut it down to 3, later just 2, even 1 eventually. With time you may do not even need to do a trick at all in some tables because they heard the 'wow' and applause from other tables already.

Do not take Ponta and his translator reaction too seriously, there might be a difference between Japanese and English.

Keep it up, you have not meet the bad guys in this circle yet, according to my book.

Just remember, if you do not love your own self, no one will loves you.

Bottomline: still cannot find a girlfriend? Come and live in China, you will be in men's heaven...

Well now, that's a totally different type of approach to this...

No, I think you have got the wrong idea totally. What I mean women in China loves to date and marry Americans, similar to many countries in Asia, in a way...

That's what I meant.

Just an update. The past 2 months ago or so I quit the online game I addiction I Had, I joined it a month ago and it became taking over my life again. I lost all interest in magic and numismatics as well as everything else. I began very depressed the past several weeks from playing it, and it's gotten to the point where its very severe on when merchants come or events, I would do anything to spend more time playing the game than in real life. It didn't seem like a game to me. It felt more real. I felt like I could be myself in this game, something I couldn't achieve since I was a teenager. I've been playing it for 12 years since I was 12. I'm 23 now. I missed out on my whole teenager years due to it. This is also why I never did get a girlfriend, mainly I was obessed with this game. My parents would say I was a completely different person playing it. As a kid I would throw tandrums quite severely if I didn't have it. My parents even tried to offer me $100 to quit and I couldn't do it.

So, I'm trying to quit again. Cancelling my account and the internet for my computer. That way I won't be tempted to go back online to play it. I am also addicted to the internet in general, although as not as much as the game. It's a text based MUD with many people online, similiar to WOW But with text. I'll still read these forums at my community center or something, but I won't be tempted to go back and play. I just won't visit the website for the game. In addition to this I'm dealing with other issues. I began to binge eat all types of bad food, and for me that was the final straw. I am not going to let this game take over my life and gain this weight back. I am going to enjoy life, do magic for people, and live life. It's strange because I never thought I was very entertaining, but everyone I asks this lady who I did magic for one time, and she said she was incredibly entertained! Other people seem to love it too. I'm guessing more from amazement than the "entertaining" aspect of it.

I have suffered with depression my whole adult life. Some days are bad some days are good. My advise is to see your family doc and discuss the options, medication was a god send for me.
Lots of successful people had or have depression.
Plus watch this and then head over to the online book shop and get his book:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_30JzRGDHI&feature=related

“Happiness does not come automatically. It is not a gift that good fortune bestows upon us and a reversal of fortune takes back.
It depends on us alone. One does not become happy overnight, but with patient labor, day after day.
Happiness is constructed, and that requires effort and time. In order to become happy, we have to learn how to change ourselves.”

- Luca and Francesco Cavalli-Sforza

Good Luck Strange,

I think you are making a wise decision but do check in now and again.

Use the GOOD skills you enjoyed using in your game in your real life.

-Mary Mowder

I don't feel very good today. I haven't practiced much (at all, or for days) and it is really heavy on my mind. I know I need to take acting classes. I feel like a failure. I feel like I am no good at magic. I want to be one of the best in coin magic one day. Sometimes I look for other people who have achieved a lot with aspergers and depressions. All the people in the past that have achieved greatness with mental illness and it gives me hope as I often cry about it. (Sorry if that sounds weird, but it hits me hard). Sometimes I don't see the point in life. If it weren't for the people here, too many people to name, my friend ponta for always supporting me and encouraging me, and all the people who support me I don't see how I could go on sometimes. I am just too lonely and always feel so isolated. I try to get out out of the house to do stuff, but I can't even get a volunteer job at anywhere! I volunteered 15 hours a week.


I volunteered at a local hospital and a retirement home. Neither gave me a call back. Neither wanted to see my magic. They "didn't like magic" or "weren't very interested in it". Just thinking about it and not practicing makes me a lot more depressed. I blame this for me not being good enough for them. I thought it would be easy and they would want a magician to help volunteer . But it seems not.

It's been over a couple weeks and I haven't gotten a call back from either. The hospital said they'll "call me if they are interested.". Gave me a bottle of water to leave and I left. I'm not very religious, sometimes I look up to my idols like Eric Jones, and see what he's achived and hope day I can do the same, but I lack the motivation to read the book, even when I do read it I can't seem to create a decent patter. It's frusterating. He told me he was like me in a lot of ways and could relate. And this gave me hope.

Magic does not bring me much enjoyment anymore, the only thig I get from it is making people happy with it. If they're happy, I'm happy. But I get no feeling of I did a good job when they compliment me on it. I feel I could've always done better or it's never good enough or good at all. I hate this feeling. And if I don't practice I won't get any further. I want to do well in something, and I feel stuck.

Sorry for ranting, this probably isn't the best place, but I feel welcome here.

Join a Magic Club. If people aren't going for your Magic it is not for lack of skill (I've seen one of your coin videos). People want to watch Magic that makes them feel good, through wonder, humor, intrigue, transformative stories etc... If you join a Club or better yet a smaller group of Magicians who share candidly between each other (this can be uncomfortable but helpful) you may learn what is "putting people off".

Hang in there Fish. Glad to see fewer posts but glad you checked in as well.

I hope you are talking to someone at a mental health clinic though. It is clear that you are needing some help to deal with this depression and professional help would be more trustworthy than a few kind words from well meaning friends.

A well meaning friend,

-Mary Mowder