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Strange Tasting Fish Sticks
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1988 - 2013
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I got addicted to my game badly for the last 2 or so months, you could say I relapsed.

An event had come up, as usually happens when events comes up, I'd been anticipating this event for over 5 months. Part of the intrigue, oddly enough, was made me so addicted to it. And this also applies to magic. You see, when I would go into a magic shop, I would want to buy everything. Why? I got a sense of wonderment, and actually, a very strong curiousity and need for understanding for how the tricks worked. I wanted to know the secret, but I couldn't find out the secret if I didn't buy it! So, I craved it like a drug. Same deal with my game I was playing, this event was goin gon, everyoen won a prize, the price was $35 (real money) per ticket. I bought 5 tickets. Which was money I didn't have.

Not knowing what I would win, and the excitement that came with not knowing, (same with magic) is what drew me into it. Further and further I became more and more addicted. The same happened with Ponta's DVD "Sick". I became literally obsessed with it, reading everything I could. I was so amazed by the vanish, more than anything I could possibly think of before. It looks like real magic. I wanted to do it, and told myself one day I would get it as smooth as him, whatever that meant.

I would spend over 6 hours a day reading about the "Sick" DVD, and I got extremely excited (like christmas but more so) when it was shipped and I was waiting for it. I wanted to know how these secrets worked! I wanted to do them that good myself and I was determined to do that.

Part of the addiction to the game comes from these events, I became so addicted I was not taking my high blood pressure or psych meds, not showering, not eating, not answerng phone calls, locking myself in my room for 24 hours a day playing, without sleep (if any at all). I didn't care about magic anymore. I didn't care about anything except this game. I was even working on an important magic project myself for a reputable company. I was so addicted to the game I couldn't help as much as I needed to, I was too distracted. I felt like I did terrible helping. I felt like I let everyone down.

Now that I am sober and off the game (I know that sounds weird, but this game was like heroin to me, it was seriously a drug. I got a "fix" off it, just like anything, and craved more and more of it. I couldn't get enough of it. It was too much fun,and the only FUN I could have, I Couldn't find fun in anything else.)

I feel much better. I just quit it yesterday, but I think I hit rock bottom and I will do better this time. I just can't play it in moderation. I hit rock bottom and was seriously considering suicide. I almost went to the hospital. I was going to go to the gun show in a couple days and buy a gun. I was seriously upset and distressed. Someone even told me how to kill myself, in the game.

I ended up calling the Crisis team. My parents kept telling me to go to eat something with them, that I'd "feel better". I was extremely angry and upset at this, I felt they didn't understand I needed help not to eat something. I could care less about eating anything. I dropped a good 6 or 7 lbs. I felt good about that as even though I was in shape Im never thin enough for myself. I'm never good enough.

I ended up joinig a gaming addiction anonymous group, and did my first AA meeting and reading the "Big book" today. Part of my porject is to reflect on my experience like I'm doing now and my loss of control.

Now I am finally enjoying magic again. I had quit practicing for 1-2 months.
I can play video games like on my portable game system, but for some reason, the social/online aspect of the game addiction I had, called Gemstone IV, was what made it addictive, not the game itself.
Strange Tasting Fish Sticks
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1988 - 2013
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I moved out of my parents house and now live in my own apartment with a roommate.

So, I don't have internet as I'm not supposed to for 3 months at least for therapy because of the computer game addiction.

I'll check in periodically. I'm living on my own now.
APC
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Best of luck STFS and please do let us know how it goes. I hope therapy is useful for you and that you continue to feel better.
Bill Palmer
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I wish STSF all the best. I think he has a handle on what he has to do. It's not easy kicking any addiction.

It is also very easy to become addicted just about anything if you are a person with an addictive personality (like me!!!) and you fall into a depression.

Been there, done that, tending to do it again but watching for the tell-tale signs.
"The Swatter"

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Mary Mowder
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That's good news Strange (I hope). Thanks for checking in.

Bill, you hang in there too. Get help if you need it.

-Mary Mowder
Strange Tasting Fish Sticks
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1988 - 2013
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Not doing well right now. Was in the hospital saturday for suicuidal thoughts.
I feel like such an idiot sometimes..I wish I was "normal".
Devious
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Don't you dare go anywhere on us guy! Please remember how you made me laugh in a private message a few weeks back with the explanation for why you chose, "Strange Tasting Fishsticks"!

Remember, you have friends here and people who have and are working through the same feelings as well. You are NOT alone!
Talk to people around you. Find out what is going on with them. Get some sunshine and marvel at nature.
Hang in there buddy!
Devious Deceptions
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L'Chaim!
APC
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No one is normal...so in that sense, you ARE "normal". We all have our issues and you are strong enough to seek help. We are all here for you and know that we really do care. I hope you get through this and that we can see more videos of you performing as you are a great magician!

Adam
Futureal
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FYI : This guy posts on another forum, he's bragging to all his friends how he's playing everyone at the Café, and they're all laughing at the replies.
Pakar Ilusi
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Quote:
On 2011-10-30 23:47, Futureal wrote:
FYI : This guy posts on another forum, he's bragging to all his friends how he's playing everyone at the Caf�, and they're all laughing at the replies.


Wow, if that is true, then it is incredibly sad... Smile
"Dreams aren't a matter of Chance but a matter of Choice." -DC-
Devious
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Would you be so kind as to share the forum link mate? This indeed is very troubling. Sad indeed. He REALLY does need help if it's true. He has over 700 posts here and some of them were excellent posts in regards to performance magic, so it's not like he registered here just to "Punk" us.
Devious Deceptions
"Gadol Elohai!"
L'Chaim!
Strange Tasting Fish Sticks
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This is not true. I do post on the Ellusionist forums as a member there sometimes, but it is always in helping others. I respect the members of the magic Café alot, and I look back at this thread often for encouragement when I'm feeling bad. Some people on ellusoinist don't agree with everything said here, and that's OK, everyone is entited to his or her opinion. But I actually went out of my way to defend the Café, I'm not against E or the Café. I tried to see it from other people's /both perspectives.

I still remember Eric Jones quote, "Always remember the source."

I fall under the ASD (Autism spectrum disorder). I'm not using this as an excuse, but I do have mild aspergers. I do ok, but sometimes people take advantage of me and I have a hard time seeing it before it's too late. As a kid, especially, it was very rough.

Thank you to the above poster for the kind words.
Vlad_77
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STFS, sometime ago you really came down on yourself. I want to tell you something:

You do NOT s*ck.
You ARE worthy of all good things.
You are God's child (insert whatever Deity here if you wish) and He has NEVER created anyone like you since the dawn of time and NEVER will he create another. In other words, you ARE a miracle. ALL of us here are miracles. I believe that many of us - myself included - wait for the big Red Sea miracle when all around us and within us there are miracles every second yet all too often we fail to see them.
You are made in the Image and Likeness of divinity. You were made to be greater than the Angels as we all were.

Even if you do NOT believe in God, I BEG you to PLEASE read the following.

http://www.wowzone.com/godmemo.htm

You know what? There are many of us who have lived through Hell my friend. I say this not to diminish you or to make you feel as though you should remain silent. I would share mine but it is best left unspoken but, I CAN say that in many ways I was where you ARE. Rather I say it because you are not alone. YES, you DO have friends here. I remember corresponding with you on a number of threads and I have seen you make astounding progress.

Do you know, I believe that each of us impacts others' lives and most times we do not even realize it or we find out years later. You are here for a reason and the fact that you are here on this blessed Earth tells me that your mission is not yet complete.

Wonders await you man. Instead of being sick of it all, remind yourself that you ARE a miracle! Instead of chucking it all in the bin, see it through another day, and then another, because that mission of yours just might save another.

Please read that memo?

Namaste (The Divine in me recognizes the Divine in you),
Vlad
Strange Tasting Fish Sticks
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1988 - 2013
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Thank you Vlad, I appreciate it.
Strange Tasting Fish Sticks
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Been dealing with on going chronic fatique,no energy, and severe tiredness constantly.. the last couple months it has gotten completely unbearable and debilatating. It's become so bad I do not have the energy, to workout anymore . I am simply too tired. Sometimes I Force myself to anyway, I am trying my best. But it's extremely difficult now. Recently, I got new racing tires on my bicycle as well as a floor pump. I am extremely upset I do not have enough energy to ride it at all lately, let alone long distance. It's not that I'm lazy or don't want to , I want to badly and I enjoy riding it. It's just my condition has been getting progressively worse. I can barely get out of bed or take care of myself anymore.

I saw my Primary care physician today again. I told her how worse it has gotten. She did tell me something I didn't know... when I had the sleep study with the neurologist, I had mild to, at times, moderate sleep apneas. I was told when I had the sleep study most likely I did not have sleep apean,as most of them were minor. But it has gotten worse. Much worse. I talked to my physician and she said , it may be possible, after I talk to my neurologist, if I do have sleep apea, to get a CPAP machine to help me breath at night. If this IS what the problem is, I'd be EXTERMELY happy to have enough energy to live my life again. I just simply can't live like this anymore. Here's to hope to a new beginning for me in life!
KyleMacNeill
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Best wishes please stay strong! Smile
I hope everything improves Smile

Kyle
Mary Mowder
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Good luck on that being the fix!

Stay positive.

-Mary Mowder
Strange Tasting Fish Sticks
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1988 - 2013
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They won't issue it. They say I do have moderate sleep apnea, but only on my back. On my side, its rated a 5 which is classified as normal. instead, they prescribed me ritalin. Which, my insurance doesn't cover and I can't get filled. There's also a age limit of 20 on it and I'm over the limit on that.

I never really liked this neurologist. I'm getting a new one soon.

I was a bit surprised, the PA's, my neurologist, and pharamist all told me there were no really adverse side effects with the medicine combined with my high blood pressure medication, my depression medication, or my ticks that I have that are re-occuring.

All said it was perfectly safe with ratalin. I'm no expert but, I read about it online and was surprised to see many studies, even by the FDA, on how dangerous it can be, sudden death, death, how it can raise your blood presure, and especially to be cautious, or, not take it at all, if you have high blood pressure or becareful if you're on medicatatinos.
Steven Leung
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Quote:
On 2011-05-13 08:27, rsylvester wrote:
Believe it or not, we've all been at this point. Whether anyone would want to admit it or not. Talk to your parents. Find someone to talk to. There are professional counsellors out there, and financial help is available. Try to make magic fun again and don't take it too seriously. And don't take rejection too seriously, either. Don't let the haters get to you. PM me if you want to talk.


That is so correct, don't take it too seriously.
Most memorable moment - with Maestro Juan Tamariz & Consuelo Lorgia in FISM Busan 2018.

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