The Magic Café
Username:
Password:
[ Lost Password ]
  [ Forgot Username ]
The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Not very magical, still... » » Vaseline (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

 Go to page [Previous]  1~2~3~4 [Next]
Josh Riel
View Profile
Inner circle
of hell
1999 Posts

Profile of Josh Riel
On 2011-07-22 17:41, Magnus Eisengrim wrote:
Quote:
How do you get it out of your fur?


Why would I want to? Bathing is for suckers.
Magic is doing improbable things with odd items that, under normal circumstances, would be unnessecary and quite often undesirable.
Tom Jorgenson
View Profile
Inner circle
LOOSE ANGLES, CALIFORNIA
4452 Posts

Profile of Tom Jorgenson
You might try putting on some Hair Conditioner for awhile, to soften the hair, before you dollop on the Vaselene. Hair conditioner also works great for shaving cream. Again, it softens the hair.
We dance an invisible dance to music they cannot hear.
Magnus Eisengrim
View Profile
Inner circle
Sulla placed heads on
1064 Posts

Profile of Magnus Eisengrim
I just googled "fleshlight" and my life is a little bit worse for it.

John
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.--Yeats
PaulPacific
View Profile
Special user
Yes, I used my toes to type all of my
891 Posts

Profile of PaulPacific
Vaseline makes a great foot moisturizer especially if one is wearing ill-fitting shoes.


:coolspot:
Blessings on thee, little man,
barefoot boy with cheeks of tan...
Outward sunshine; inward joy,
Blessings on thee, barefoot boy! :-D
critter
View Profile
Inner circle
Spokane, WA
2551 Posts

Profile of critter
I use "Working Feet."
"The fool is one who doesn't know what you have just found out."
~Will Rogers
foolsnobody
View Profile
Special user
Buffalo, NY
843 Posts

Profile of foolsnobody
There used to be a Vaseline Hair Tonic, made by Vaseline but different from the plain old ordinary Vaseline.
mastermindreader
View Profile
V.I.P.
Seattle, WA
12589 Posts

Profile of mastermindreader
Quote:
On 2011-07-22 06:36, stoneunhinged wrote:

... gray pony tails make their wearers look like old dope-smoking hippies



I have a gray pony tail.

Peace and Love,

Bob (where's my bong?) Cassidy

PS- Just for laughs, tell the next gray haired pony-tailed biker you see that he looks like an old dope smoking hippie. That'd be a real trip. Can you dig it?
Michael Baker
View Profile
Eternal Order
Near a river in the Midwest
11159 Posts

Profile of Michael Baker
Another gray pony tail here, too.
~michael baker
The Magic Company
stoneunhinged
View Profile
Inner circle
3079 Posts

Profile of stoneunhinged
Well, Bob and Michael, all I can say is that you probably don't look like the Adonis I became--rather than the Dude Lebowski I had been--when cutting ofr that ponytail.

:lol:

Maybe I should have just cut it into a mullet. I hear that a certain class of women really goes for mullets.
Josh Riel
View Profile
Inner circle
of hell
1999 Posts

Profile of Josh Riel
I will tell the next grey pony-tailed biker that I see that he looks like a dope smoking hippie, but with the short term memory loss I'll probably have to tell him again shortly thereafter.

Be careful though Stone, that class of women you may seek tend to have mullets themselves. While I agree that that is totally HOT, I don't know how to finish this sentence.

Love forever.
Magic is doing improbable things with odd items that, under normal circumstances, would be unnessecary and quite often undesirable.
landmark
View Profile
Inner circle
within a triangle
5022 Posts

Profile of landmark
Quote:
On 2011-07-23 00:08, Magnus Eisengrim wrote:
I just googled "fleshlight" and my life is a little bit worse for it.

John

Aw, man, now you made me look it up. Standards, people, standards!
JRob
View Profile
Veteran user
Central South Carolina
395 Posts

Profile of JRob
If you already have the vaseline, all you need is beeswax and you can make your own pomade
"Jim Roberts, AKA: Professor Jay Rob "<br>
The Professor's Facebook Page
Destiny
View Profile
Inner circle
1429 Posts

Profile of Destiny
Quote:
On 2011-07-23 08:42, landmark wrote:
Quote:
On 2011-07-23 00:08, Magnus Eisengrim wrote:
I just googled "fleshlight" and my life is a little bit worse for it.

John

Aw, man, now you made me look it up. Standards, people, standards!


Ok then - I will not share my funny fleshlight story - not that I felt like being banned anyway. Smile
Magnus Eisengrim
View Profile
Inner circle
Sulla placed heads on
1064 Posts

Profile of Magnus Eisengrim
Destiny, you big tease.
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.--Yeats
Destiny
View Profile
Inner circle
1429 Posts

Profile of Destiny
John - let me try and make it family friendly - this will be a challenge!

While performing in an outback mining city I became friendly with the very large elderly lady who ran the local adult store. She was a lot of fun and told me wonderfully funny stories about her previous occupation - which was in a not unrelated industry and involved her getting a lot more exercise.

She has a regular customer in her store who had worked out a clever solution to problems in his marriage (and now, to avoid overt discussion of the fleshlight, we turn to metaphor).

This gentleman loved his wife of many years dearly. He loved her cooking. However over the years and with the 'change of life', she had lost interest in cooking. The husband still wanted her cooking and was not prepared to betray his marriage by looking for cooking elsewhere. So he turned to frozen dinners, but he discovered he wanted variety in his diet so my friend who ran the store had to keep up a supply of different frozen dinners. Once a fortnight the gentleman would come to the store, buy a different frozen dinner, enjoy it in the desert, discard the evidence, and return home to his much loved wife, his appetite sated.
critter
View Profile
Inner circle
Spokane, WA
2551 Posts

Profile of critter
I don't know about frozen dinners, but I love those Marie Callendar Pot Pies.
"The fool is one who doesn't know what you have just found out."
~Will Rogers
Magnus Eisengrim
View Profile
Inner circle
Sulla placed heads on
1064 Posts

Profile of Magnus Eisengrim
Quote:
On 2011-07-23 10:23, Destiny wrote:
John - let me try and make it family friendly - this will be a challenge!

While performing in an outback mining city I became friendly with the very large elderly lady who ran the local adult store. She was a lot of fun and told me wonderfully funny stories about her previous occupation - which was in a not unrelated industry and involved her getting a lot more exercise.

She has a regular customer in her store who had worked out a clever solution to problems in his marriage (and now, to avoid overt discussion of the fleshlight, we turn to metaphor).

This gentleman loved his wife of many years dearly. He loved her cooking. However over the years and with the 'change of life', she had lost interest in cooking. The husband still wanted her cooking and was not prepared to betray his marriage by looking for cooking elsewhere. So he turned to frozen dinners, but he discovered he wanted variety in his diet so my friend who ran the store had to keep up a supply of different frozen dinners. Once a fortnight the gentleman would come to the store, buy a different frozen dinner, enjoy it in the desert, discard the evidence, and return home to his much loved wife, his appetite sated.


Destiny, I'm crying. Thank you.

Good thing it was only dinner he was after, 'cause food is biodegradable. I was worried that there would be funny surprises awaiting the unwary desert visitor.

John
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.--Yeats
critter
View Profile
Inner circle
Spokane, WA
2551 Posts

Profile of critter
I smell the next CSI episode... Oh, wrong desert?
Spin-off! CSI:Outback, they could get Paul Hogan to be G'rissom.
"The fool is one who doesn't know what you have just found out."
~Will Rogers
stoneunhinged
View Profile
Inner circle
3079 Posts

Profile of stoneunhinged
Quote:
On 2011-07-23 11:03, Magnus Eisengrim wrote:
I was worried that there would be funny surprises awaiting the unwary desert visitor.

John


Now, that's the plot to a sci-film that could give ALL of us nightmares for years and years.
Magnus Eisengrim
View Profile
Inner circle
Sulla placed heads on
1064 Posts

Profile of Magnus Eisengrim
Quote:
On 2011-07-23 10:23, Destiny wrote:
John - let me try and make it family friendly - this will be a challenge!

While performing in an outback mining city I became friendly with the very large elderly lady who ran the local adult store. She was a lot of fun and told me wonderfully funny stories about her previous occupation - which was in a not unrelated industry and involved her getting a lot more exercise.

She has a regular customer in her store who had worked out a clever solution to problems in his marriage (and now, to avoid overt discussion of the fleshlight, we turn to metaphor).

This gentleman loved his wife of many years dearly. He loved her cooking. However over the years and with the 'change of life', she had lost interest in cooking. The husband still wanted her cooking and was not prepared to betray his marriage by looking for cooking elsewhere. So he turned to frozen dinners, but he discovered he wanted variety in his diet so my friend who ran the store had to keep up a supply of different frozen dinners. Once a fortnight the gentleman would come to the store, buy a different frozen dinner, enjoy it in the desert, discard the evidence, and return home to his much loved wife, his appetite sated.


I bet she'd have been really pleased to know that he still carried a torch for her.

John
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.--Yeats
The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Not very magical, still... » » Vaseline (0 Likes)
 Go to page [Previous]  1~2~3~4 [Next]
[ Top of Page ]
All content & postings Copyright © 2001-2021 Steve Brooks. All Rights Reserved.
This page was created in 0.12 seconds requiring 5 database queries.
The views and comments expressed on The Magic Café
are not necessarily those of The Magic Café, Steve Brooks, or Steve Brooks Magic.
> Privacy Statement <

ROTFL Billions and billions served! ROTFL