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critter Inner circle Spokane, WA 2653 Posts 
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I definitely think your friend did the right thing here. Also hope it all works out for him with this case and his life. He is brave and deserves to have justice and be happy.
I absolutely do not agree with the other friend who was worried about the abuser. My reply to that friend would include several variations of the "f" word.
"The fool is one who doesn't know what you have just found out."
~Will Rogers |
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MagicSanta Inner circle Northern Nevada 5841 Posts
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He did the right thing because the accused very likely had many more victims, maybe yesterday. This isn't the case of a drunk touching A 16 year olds butt. Your friend who said nothing should be said is an idiot.
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hoodrat Veteran user Southern California 388 Posts
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Quote:
On 2012-05-04 20:42, critter wrote: The really odd thing about this other female friend of mine who said that the abuser should NOT be reported at this late date, etc. due to the possible collateral damage to the abuser's spouse and family is that she herself was sexually molested as a child! Furthermore, she also told me later on that if a state police officer ever came to her door out-of-the-blue and asked her if she knew anything about the man who abused her years ago or if she was, indeed, abused by him, she said she wouldn't say anything at all that would indict him. She said she would clam up and not say a word. How effed-up is that?? She and I are no longer friends as of this discussion -- a ten year friendship shot to hell because of her unbelievable reactions. Oh well. With friends like her, who needs enemies?? |
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mastermindreader 1949 - 2017 Seattle, WA 12586 Posts
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I think your male friend did the right thing. As to your female friend, she was obviously greatly traumatized by the incident in her life and her reasons for never reporting it may well involve a good deal of shame, fear and psychological trauma. She confided in you because, obviously, she trusted you. Cutting off the friendship because she has an (understandably) warped view about what should be done to a molester seems a bit harsh.
If I cut off my normal friends just because we had disagreements about issues, I wouldn't have any friends at all! Good thoughts, Bob |
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critter Inner circle Spokane, WA 2653 Posts
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I didn't tell anybody about what happened to me for many years. I was embarrassed and if anybody had asked me about it in high school I would have denied it.
I was also raised in the kind of environment where a man does not talk about the bad stuff that happened to him. He just sucks it up because that's the man's way. One day after my divorce I realized I didn't give a crap what people thought about it and I told a couple of people. He never went to jail, but karma got him.
"The fool is one who doesn't know what you have just found out."
~Will Rogers |
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TomBoleware Inner circle Hattiesburg, Ms 3171 Posts
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I too say he did the right thing because that is what he felt he should do.
But I, like Bob, believe he did the wrong thing with the female. She has a right to her opinion/choice too. To take that away from an adult is wrong. I do wish them the best. Tom
The Daycare Magician Book
https://www.vanishingincmagic.com/amazekids/the-daycare-magician/ My Blog - https://boleware.blogspot.com/ |
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Jonathan Townsend Eternal Order Ossining, NY 27300 Posts
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According to my reliable source "those who do" tend to be family members and those entrusted by/within the family. Sadly it plainly follows that unchecked cycles of abuse can run through generations of a family and those close to them. If by "right" you mean "most likely to protect the neighbors children, the grandchildren and the spouse" - I can see the case for pursuing the matter.
There are also known instances of adults leading children to make false reports of abuse.
...to all the coins I've dropped here
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TomBoleware Inner circle Hattiesburg, Ms 3171 Posts
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Good point Jonathan
Maybe "right" should read desire. I just think those wishing to get away from something like this that happened long ago should be allowed to do so. Unless of course they do in fact know it is still going on with other children then they should report those cases. Even then, there are ways to help without having to relive your past in public. I can't speak from experience, but I would imagine it's a tough decision either way. Tom
The Daycare Magician Book
https://www.vanishingincmagic.com/amazekids/the-daycare-magician/ My Blog - https://boleware.blogspot.com/ |
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critter Inner circle Spokane, WA 2653 Posts
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I don't know enough details of the woman friend's situation to know whether I agree with her personal decision or not. It is her decision though.
But it is likely that if there is any way for her to change her mind about telling it won't come from people turning their back on her. It will take a lot of trust building and respect for her to develop the self-respect to pursue it. I don't know if that's true in her case or not since I don't know much about her, it's just something to consider before giving up on a friendship. What I disagree with is her judgement of the other friend.
"The fool is one who doesn't know what you have just found out."
~Will Rogers |
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Jonathan Townsend Eternal Order Ossining, NY 27300 Posts
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Quote:
On 2012-05-05 09:39, TomBoleware wrote: Whose desire then? And what of responsibility?
...to all the coins I've dropped here
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critter Inner circle Spokane, WA 2653 Posts
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And if the abuser is still a threat to others then I hope she does change her mind. I definitely think it's wrong to knowingly let it happen to someone else.
"The fool is one who doesn't know what you have just found out."
~Will Rogers |
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Salguod Nairb Room 101 0 Posts
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So far option 3 is sounding pretty good.
We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness...
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jugglestruck Inner circle Wales 1038 Posts
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Option 3 is not sounding good in any shape or form. It is a rather disturbing, nasty image.
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Jonathan Townsend Eternal Order Ossining, NY 27300 Posts
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Quote:
On 2012-05-05 11:35, critter wrote: How do you presume to find this out before additional harm is done?
...to all the coins I've dropped here
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Salguod Nairb Room 101 0 Posts
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Quote:
On 2012-05-05 08:24, Jonathan Townsend wrote:... Yep, situations like this movie Indictment: The McMartin Trial A very scary movie of what could happen.
We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness...
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Mr. Mystoffelees Inner circle I haven't changed anyone's opinion in 3623 Posts
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Quote:
On 2012-05-04 23:05, mastermindreader wrote: I agree. Would not a tolerable alternative for the female friend be to talk with the victim and offer support toward that victim reporting this now? I question the wisdom of reporting something that is to you only hearsay, and quite damaging, but also can not agree with doing nothing. Perhaps with support the victim will see the need to report. Jim
Also known, when doing rope magic, as "Cordini"
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critter Inner circle Spokane, WA 2653 Posts
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Quote:
On 2012-05-05 11:50, Jonathan Townsend wrote: If you know a family member and their method then you know whether they have the ability to further implement that method. Oh, you mean her. I don't presume anything about her.
"The fool is one who doesn't know what you have just found out."
~Will Rogers |
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Posted: May 5, 2012 12:42 am 
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