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Mary Mowder
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The time to deal with this is while she is away.

Tell her that when she comes home she will not be allowed to feed the cats because if the cats keep coming there the county will remove them and you know she does not want that.

Get her a Plush Cat for her bed. I know that for some folks it will help especially if dementia is creeping up (of course I hope that is not the case).

You are a good Son doing a hard job.

-Mary Mowder
Jeff J.
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I've done more than tell her that. I gave her a house (a condo) about 20 minutes from my house to live in. I even offered to sign the deed over to her. I figured she would have her own house and start new. Within a week she started feeding wild animals there and 5 days later she came back here because she "missed the animals". I'm pretty lost. I can't just leave her to be on her own. She took care of me a good part of my life.

I know I am going to have to put her in a long term facility at some point, but that's a hard decision to make.

Thanks for the compliment, but sometimes I just think I should be doing more.
Bill Hilly
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Old Scratch Johnson,

I fell ya brother. Both of my parents are in their 80s and have dementia. I have shut down my business, except for a few hours a week, and moved them into a trailer home next to my house. Now I am living with them as they need 24/7 (literally) care and supervision and there isn't enough money to hire help.

Today, I was turned down by the third nursing home for my father. One said he was not in bad enough shar, one said he was too bad, and this one will not accept him because we can't pay the $3500 per month for his care.

I have no advice on the cats. But know that there is someone here who is sympathetic to what you and your mom are going through.

My best to you both,
- B.H.
Jeff J.
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Quote:
On 2012-07-11 21:51, Bill Hilly wrote:
Old Scratch Johnson,

I fell ya brother. Both of my parents are in their 80s and have dementia. I have shut down my business, except for a few hours a week, and moved them into a trailer home next to my house. Now I am living with them as they need 24/7 (literally) care and supervision and there isn't enough money to hire help.

Today, I was turned down by the third nursing home for my father. One said he was not in bad enough shar, one said he was too bad, and this one will not accept him because we can't pay the $3500 per month for his care.

I have no advice on the cats. But know that there is someone here who is sympathetic to what you and your mom are going through.

My best to you both,
- B.H.


That sucks. I feel bad for you. I only have one parent to deal with. I'm with you on shutting down business though. I've already shut down 2 offices and I'm working on shutting down my third. That's gonna leave me with one, and even that's too much.

I'm very fortunate. I don't "have" to work, I just want to. Some people don't have that luxury. I didn't have that luxury until about 8 months ago.
Bill Hilly
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Thanks. I think emotionally having one go through that is just as bad as two. Two makes it more physically taxing on me, but your pain is no less than mine.

It's good that you have the "luxury" of being able to stop working for a while. I have enough saved to go eight months, maybe a year by working the little I still am. I bet neither of us will regret the sacrifice though, right?

The way I see it, it's my turn to care for them. They put their time, etc. in for me. I also saw them take care of their parents when the time came. So it's now a tradition Smile
Jeff J.
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Whether I end up regretting it or not is irrelevant. I don't see it so much as a sacrafice as what I have to do.

I'm sorry about your financial situation. I hope things get better before you start feeling the financial pressure of caring for elderly parents.

What kind of work do you/did you do?
Bill Hilly
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Quote:
On 2012-07-11 22:47, Old Scratch Johnson wrote:
Whether I end up regretting it or not is irrelevant. I don't see it so much as a sacrafice as what I have to do.

That's exactly what I meant. I hope it didn't read differently and I apologize for the confusion. I never saw or see it as a sacrifice either. It's just what we do, right? I'm with you all the way.
Quote:
I'm sorry about your financial situation. I hope things get better before you start feeling the financial pressure of caring for elderly parents.

What kind of work do you/did you do?

I was a full-time performer & private music teacher. I fininshed all the gigs I had on the books and have suspended taking any more (except if any very local, repeat clients call). I kept 10 students that have been with me for 2 or more years and so have a little money coming in. I couldn't just up and abandon them.

So yeah, it ain't the greatest financial time I've ever had. But we've been through tough times before and at least we're together and we'll stay together as long as we can. Although my dad may not be able to be at home much longer.

- B.H.
Jeff J.
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Quote:
On 2012-07-11 23:36, Bill Hilly wrote:
Quote:
On 2012-07-11 22:47, Old Scratch Johnson wrote:
Whether I end up regretting it or not is irrelevant. I don't see it so much as a sacrafice as what I have to do.

That's exactly what I meant. I hope it didn't read differently and I apologize for the confusion. I never saw or see it as a sacrifice either. It's just what we do, right? I'm with you all the way.
Quote:
I'm sorry about your financial situation. I hope things get better before you start feeling the financial pressure of caring for elderly parents.

What kind of work do you/did you do?

I was a full-time performer & private music teacher. I fininshed all the gigs I had on the books and have suspended taking any more (except if any very local, repeat clients call). I kept 10 students that have been with me for 2 or more years and so have a little money coming in. I couldn't just up and abandon them.

So yeah, it ain't the greatest financial time I've ever had. But we've been through tough times before and at least we're together and we'll stay together as long as we can. Although my dad may not be able to be at home much longer.

- B.H.


Ouch! That's tough when your taking gigs and caring for parents. You can't really do both. I had an office built on the top floor here so I could work and keep an eye on her and it was still hard.

I feel terrible for saying it, but I love the peace and quiet now that she's in the hospital.
Bill Hilly
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I'm not going to do any schools at this time. If any they will be preschools and nursing homes. In fact I did a nursing home in May and they let me take my parents with me. They enjoyed the show and even chatted with some of the residents there. It was very nice.

Don't feel guilty about enjoying the peace. It's tough being on duty 24/7. She might just tell you that she felt the same way when you were a baby and would finally go to sleep for a few hours.

My mom says to me, "I bet you're glad you can get out of here and do your lessons. You neede the break." She smiles when she says it and I just smile back and say, "And you get a break from me too."

The most important things to remember are to try and keep a good sense of humor, remember to love each other, both of you will get angry at times and get upset with each other at times. But it's the disease that you're angry at. Don't forget lots of hugs and kisses.

Oh yeah, and go feed the cats Smile
Jeff J.
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Oh, right. The cats. Thanks for reminding me.
Jeff J.
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I almost lost it a couple hours ago. My mother checked herself out of the hospital against my wishes (I have power of attorney). I was going to just kick her out, but I made a deal with her. She has 7 days to check into the hospital or she's on her own. I have to draw the line somewhere. She agreed to that, but I'll have to wait and see.
Tom Jorgenson
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At a certain point, your mother needs professional care, the cats need to go and you need rest.

It sounds like you've arrived at that point. Don't feel guilty because she needs care beyond what you can provide.

The animals can be gone in one day. That's another hard decision that has to be made logically, but the sooner you have that done, the sooner you eliminate that nuisance and trouble. More serenity time, instantly.

Good luck with it all, none of it is ever easy.
We dance an invisible dance to music they cannot hear.
Jeff J.
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It's not an issue anymore. She's moving in with her daughter. I'm not even going to live here. I'm moving to my other house and she'll have her own place. Everbody is happy.
Mary Mowder
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Scratch, I'm glad things will get better for you.

Warn your Sister(?) about the cat thing and be as supportive as you can. Are they going to be in the house with the cats in the back?

Give her Daughter a pre-arranged day off when ever you can.

Best wishes to all involved.

-Mary Mowder
critter
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What you do is leave a trail of catnip leading into the mountains...
Feral cat attack!
"The fool is one who doesn't know what you have just found out."
~Will Rogers
Jeff J.
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Quote:
On 2012-07-14 17:12, Mary Mowder wrote:
Scratch, I'm glad things will get better for you.

Warn your Sister(?) about the cat thing and be as supportive as you can. Are they going to be in the house with the cats in the back?

Give her Daughter a pre-arranged day off when ever you can.

Best wishes to all involved.

-Mary Mowder


Unfortunately things didn't work as planned. Her daughter (long story, but we aren't related too closely)is hesitant about her moving there, so I'm keeping her here for now. She's still in and out of the hospital because she's afraid of being there for an extended stay so she can get well.
Mr. Mystoffelees
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I haven't changed anyone's opinion in
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Quote:
On 2012-07-11 21:21, Old Scratch Johnson wrote:
I gave her a house (a condo) about 20 minutes from my house to live in. I even offered to sign the deed over to her.

Thanks for the compliment, but sometimes I just think I should be doing more.


If you do, you stand a good chance of that condo being owned by cats. I have been there, and you should not think you should be doing more. You are to be commended for what you are sacrificing!!!
Also known, when doing rope magic, as "Cordini"
Octopus Sun
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Wiggle Wiggle
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What's wrong is when you can smell the house a football field away,
and it's gets worse the closer you get.
Then you have to deal with all the dead cats under and in between appliances,
those litters of kittens born and dying in the places only little creatures can crawl inside.
It straight up becomes animal abuse, and cruelty to animals, and it's not animal care.
suddenly in 2 yrs you'll be wishing you dealt with this problem by nipping it in the bud.
You are the care provider, and not removing the over abundance of cats, will create serious
health problems for your mother, especially with breathing.
not good for her and you.
landmark
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As someone who has had experience with cat ladies and a former owner of cats, my feeling is the same as David's.
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