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LobowolfXXX Inner circle La Famiglia 1196 Posts |
Quote:
On 2012-08-02 12:56, Mary Mowder wrote: I don't think anyone would disagree that it should be an option. I do think it's interesting to discuss the way in which the choice is excercised (or not exercised) and the rationale.
"Torture doesn't work" lol
Guess they forgot to tell Bill Buckley. "...as we reason and love, we are able to hope. And hope enables us to resist those things that would enslave us." |
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TonyB2009 Inner circle 5006 Posts |
On the question of a wife, Stoneunhinged, you have my sympathy. I was in a similar position for a few years. Children were a factor in keeping me there. I am happier now. I won't say more - but I have a great relationship with my kids, and have them half the week.
On the question of kids and spouses names, when we got married I was against the idea of my wife taking my name. Why should she ditch a name that had stood her good for twenty five years? She was happy to keep her name. When the kids arrived we decided that since most doctors, dentists, schools, etc, deal with the mother and pretend that the father does not exist, it would make sense to give the kids her name. So that is what we did. Now that the kids are older they have both tagged my name along with hers; that is their choice, not an imposition on them by us or by society.
Check out Tony's new thriller Dead or Alive http://www.amazon.co.uk/Alive-Varrick-Bo......n+carson
http://www.PartyMagic.ie |
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Destiny Inner circle 1429 Posts |
My dear sister had two kids from her first marriage, then a son while divorced, and a final daughter from her current marriage of 20 years. She uses all 3 surnames consecutively - fortunately they are all single syllable.
I don't think it matters if we go off topic. Stone is venting and we don't have the answers anyway. |
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LobowolfXXX Inner circle La Famiglia 1196 Posts |
I thought everybody in NVMS had the answers.
"Torture doesn't work" lol
Guess they forgot to tell Bill Buckley. "...as we reason and love, we are able to hope. And hope enables us to resist those things that would enslave us." |
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stoneunhinged Inner circle 3067 Posts |
Quote:
On 2012-08-02 16:19, LobowolfXXX wrote: Well, no. Normally only I have the answers, and since this time I don't, it's a free-for-all. |
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Woland Special user 680 Posts |
I have always wondered what was the average duration of a marriage in for example England in the 16th Century. I once asked a historian I knew, who actually studied 16th century English demography, but at that time, a few decades ago, he said the question had not been thoroughly investigated. In reading biographies of the period, one gets the impression that the average marriage lasted less than a decade. Elias Ashmole, for example, was married I think 4 times, and his 2nd or 3rd wife had been thrice-widowed when he married her.
As for names, once could always do as the Icelanders do, and dispense with family names altogether, just using the patronymic. |
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ClintonMagus Inner circle Southwestern Southeast 3997 Posts |
... or you could take every name in the history of the world like this lady:
Red - Wacky League - Antlez - Broke the Stereo β Neon Tide - Bring Back Honesty β Coalition β Feedback β Hand of Aces β Keep Going Captain β Letβs Pretend β Lost State of Dance β Paper Taxis β Lunar Road - Up! Down! Strange! β All and I β Neon Sheep β Eve Hornby - Faye Bradley β AJ Wilde β Michael Rice β Dion Watts β Matthew Appleyard β John Ashurst β Lauren Swales β Zoe Angus β Jaspreet Singh β Emma Matthews β Nicola Brown β Leanne Pickering β Victoria Davies β Rachel Burnside β Gil Parker β Freya Watson - Alisha Watts β James Pearson - Jacob Sotheran-Darley - Beth Lowery β Jasmine Hewitt β Chloe Gibson - Molly Farquhar - Lewis Murphy β Abbie Coulson β Nick Davies - Harvey Parker - Kyran Williamson - Michael Anderson - Bethany Murray - Sophie Hamilton - Amy Wilkins - Emma Simpson - Liam Wales - Jacob Bartram - Alex Hooks - Rebecca Miller - Caitlin Miller - Sean McCloskey - Dominic Parker - Abbey Sharpe β Elena Larkin β Rebecca Simpson - Nick Dixon β Abbie Farrelly β Liam Grieves β Casey Smith β Liam Downing β Ben Wignall β Elizabeth Hann - Danielle Walker - Lauren Glen - James Johnson β Ben Ervine - Kate Burton - James Hudson - Daniel Mayes - Matthew Kitching β Josh Bennett β Evolution β Dreams
Things are more like they are today than they've ever been before...
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Mary Mowder Inner circle Sacramento / Elk Grove, CA 3659 Posts |
Wow I wonder how she fills out forms. I wouldn't want to take Harry Lorayne's memory course to remember my own name. Just imagine: Red - Wacky League - etc,........DUCK.
acesover, I said that if there were a tie I'd go with convention, (I.E. Father's last name). So the kids would have a last name like anybody else. Since Mitochondrial DNA can be followed through the Mother's line of ancestry I kind of like the idea of using the Father's sir name for the kids as that is another traceable line. It is very helpful in the study of History to have followable Family names. I'd hate to lose that advantage altogether. So unless a person really wants to change their name I have a preference for kids getting the Father's sir name. -Mary Mowder |
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Destiny Inner circle 1429 Posts |
Quote:
On 2012-08-02 17:40, Woland wrote: While researching court cases from about 1890 - 1930 in Queensland, Australia, I was astonished how many divorce cases I had to wade through at the Archives to get to the odd criminal case. I grew up in a small rural town in the sixties and seventies and divorce out there was considered a disgrace and infrequent enough to be remarkable. However reading old newspapers from a small provincial city 300 miles away, in the early part of last century there was a virtual assembly line of husbands dragged before the courts for desertion of their wives (Occasionally there were women on the same charges but not very often). Going back to the 17 and 18 hundreds in Britain it appears a lot of men were widowed in middle age and took a second wife, their first dead from the strain of repeated childbirth on their bodies. Bigamy seems to have been popular too - men of enough means keeping a second family in a nearby town - before telephones when people lived and worked close to home and rarely travelled more than a few miles from there, it would have been easy enough. Some though maintained two separate families in two separate countries with each oblivious to the other. |
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Bob1Dog Inner circle Wife: It's me or this houseful of 1159 Posts |
My wife uses her father's surname as her middle name and my surname as her married name. It's worked for her and us for forty years.
Stoney, I don't know you well, but it's curious that you said earlier that you meant this thread to be partly funny. Indeed relationships between a man and a woman are chock filled with funny and not so funny stuff, but I really feel your pain man. I've had issues with my wife and she with me as well, and with no children here after forty years, by mutual choice, nothing holds us together but our relationship. At some point sexual attraction takes a back seat to simple love and caring and snuggling in bed. (sorry Critter, you'll find that out when you're sixty something too ..... referring to a comment you made earlier too about the lack of sexual satisfaction. ) But Stoney, if you have these issues and they seem very real, what is holding your wife to you and you to her? Is she also holding on because of your son together? If you are both so unhappy, it seems a shame to go on without the simple joy of being in love with someone. As my shrink once told me, "It's your life and only YOU can decide what makes you happy." I've found those words useful from time to time. Whatever you do, I wish you only happiness.
What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about?
My neighbor rang my doorbell at 2:30 a.m. this morning, can you believe that, 2:30 a.m.!? Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums. |
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stoneunhinged Inner circle 3067 Posts |
Bob, what's holding us together is mutual interest in being a 24/7 part of our son's life.
But should real love come my way again, I'll move on, because I'm sure myson would understand such a choice. The thing is, it's not like my work situation or social life exposes me to many opportunities to meet other women. Yes, I feel like a monk for having gone three years without...ah...you know. And I'd like that to change. And it's probably true that unless I move out that it won't change. But there is an element of humor in the cross-cultural aspects of our problems. I come from a very religious, very conservative, wife-serves-the-husband kind of family. You know, the kind that Carrie believes in. So to end up spending the last seventeen years of my life with a woman who pretty much acts like a princess (albeit an eco-organic-vegetarian-hippie sort of princess who lives--financially speaking--extremely modestly) is so bizarre that it could be the subject of a sit-com. Maybe it will be. Some of you are pretty creative. Write it up and sell it! And that panlives link hits home in the funniest ways. He tells the story of going to some friends house and the friend showing a picture album full of nude pictures of his wife. Here's something almost identical. Many years ago she took a hike with a small group of people which included one of her former professors. They went to a lake, and since it was hot, and since they were all Germans, they just took off all their clothes and swam. Meanwhile, the former professor had been taking photos the whole hike long. So anyway, a few years later we got invited to eat at his house. On his wall was a poster-sized collage of photos from that hike, and the most prominent photos were of my naked wife. I laughed my behind off. Talk about a cultural difference! (BTW: the professor's wife had one of those "please do not pee standing up" signs in the bathroom. It's a laugh riot, I tell you! |
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Woland Special user 680 Posts |
Hi Destiny,
Interesting data. My thought was, I think that in past centuries, not so much due to divorce, but due to disease and death, most marriages didn't last much more than a decade, if that long. Perhaps we aren't equipped for the longer term. Hi Stone, I think the idea of writing up your predicament as a sit-com is a good one. There is also another paradoxical aspect that strikes me as "funny": - the left-wing eco-hippie who lives her life like a spoiled princess. Perhaps not that paradoxical after all, however! Maybe time to come home to America, even with the guns? |
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stoneunhinged Inner circle 3067 Posts |
Quote:
On 2012-08-03 06:55, Woland wrote: And give up a tenured position and only get to see my son a few times a year? No thanks But you might be surprised who gave me precisely that same advice: my mother. She said, "You should be near family." Says she, who's lived in Hong Kong longer than I've lived in Germany. |
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Woland Special user 680 Posts |
Understood. We used to talk about "golden handcuffs."
Why not take your son with you? And get a tenured position over here? |
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stoneunhinged Inner circle 3067 Posts |
No way she'd let my son move with me to America. Not even remotely possible.
But, you know, I have adapted to Germany pretty well (except that I refuse to sit down to urinate), so the most efficient solution is for me to find a girlfriend. Maybe that's a sin, but I think God would understand. |
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Woland Special user 680 Posts |
What about "Sex mit Herz"?
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Destiny Inner circle 1429 Posts |
Quote:
On 2012-08-03 06:55, Woland wrote: Disease and death certainly seems to have played quite a large role, as has the (usually) male impulse to seek variety. There are plenty of people who spend their entire lives together happily though - I suppose it's a case of 'to each their own.' I admire Stone sticking it out - they brought the kid into the world - they have some obligation to give him the best childhood they can - and I think I know Stone well enough to suppose that if the relationship was so poisoned as to affect his son negatively, Stone would move on. |
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critter Inner circle Spokane, WA 2653 Posts |
I once had a girl tell me that there's no such thing as love because, if there was, then her parents would have figured it out after 20 miserable years. I feel sorry for her.
"The fool is one who doesn't know what you have just found out."
~Will Rogers |
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rockwall Special user 762 Posts |
Agree Destiny.
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The Drake Inner circle 2274 Posts |
Quote:
On 2012-08-03 10:06, stoneunhinged wrote: Whoa! Sit down to urinate? That one needs more explanation. No urinals there? |
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