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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » The spooky, the mysterious...the bizarre! » » Anybody heard from weepinwil? (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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weepinwil
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Thanks Autumn,for your kind words.

You would be safe with my House of Discount Funeral arrangements. We do not do any of that, we just say we do and charge you for it, hoping everything holds in place until after the wake. Personally, during this Valentine season, I would recommend cremation because "Nothing says lovin' like something from the crematory oven!" However, it's your last day so you should have it your way and I have a nice tree behind the Death Emporium and for some additional money would be willing to import the racoons.

Here's hoping to see you on your last day,

Weepin' Willie
"We promise not to have sex with the dead."
(However, if that's your last wish we know a funeral establishment down the road that will accomodate your request. Just let us know when you pre-arrange.)
"Til Death us do part!" - Weepin Willie
Van Helmont
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Quote:
On 2013-02-13 11:09, Autumn Morning Star wrote:
I would rather be wrapped and stuck in a tree and eaten by urban raccoons.


My mother went that way; she still won't talk to me.
The Epiphany Before Christmas: this day (12/23/13) I leave the Café for good!
Michael_MacDonald
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1964 - 2016
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Omg lol this thread went from wheres willie to who stiffed the corps in nothing flat lol.
missed ya will!@
weepinwil
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Michael, Glad to be back. My clients had stopped laughing at my jokes. Guess that's the difference between the living and the dead. The living laugh at everything but the dead are more particular at what they laugh at.

Van, don't feel bad she won't talk to Sister Mary Louise either.
"Til Death us do part!" - Weepin Willie
Harley Newman
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Welcome back!

What will you do with all the mints in your pocket? There seem to be so many possibilities!
“You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus” -Mark Twain

www.bladewalker.com
weepinwil
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Harley,

We use thorasic corks to block the throat from expressive secretion and anal corks to block the colon. I find it is cheaper to use mints instead of corks and, as a plus, it prevents bad breath and smelly farts. (Anyone who does not believe corpses fart have never attended a body with excessive distension of the abdoman.) When the funeral is over and the lid is closed, I can recycle them to the free candy dish in the visitation room.
"Til Death us do part!" - Weepin Willie
David Eichler
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You have forever changed the way I will look at mints...
afinemesh
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Quote:
On 2013-02-14 00:14, David Eichler wrote:
You have forever changed the way I will look at mints...


Yeah, no kidding!
"I've always been mental, I'm sure of it" Boris Pocus Smile


"Someday we'll look back on this and it will all seem funny". . .Bruce Springsteen
weepinwil
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If you ever hear someone say, "These mints taste like crap!" You will know why.

Someone wanted to know how I remove them so I thought I might have others who are wondering as well. You flat handed slap the abdomen just below the navel and they both pop right out. Our preplanning offers a choice between spearmint,peppermint, and candy cane flavor.
"Til Death us do part!" - Weepin Willie
Godzilla
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Quote:
On 2013-02-14 09:27, weepinwil wrote:

Someone wanted to know how I remove them...






I'm more curious to how you put them in, than popping them out ?
"If you watch Godzilla backwards, it's about a big ass lizard who helps rebuild a half burnt-down city, then moonwalks back into the ocean"
weepinwil
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We just lick 'em and stick 'em. Used Life Saver mints, at first, because they had a small hole in the middle and were easier to install with a small dowel; however, when the cadaver passed gas it was almost like blowing a small trumpet so we had to stop using them. The attendees didn't understand the problem and thought they were still alive and trying to talk or make a noise. At first we just pulled out the cadaver puppets and mouth synched the noise for the kids but eventually decided to abandon the Life Saver brand for a cheaper, more efficeint mint. Hope this helps explain the process for you Godzilla.
"Til Death us do part!" - Weepin Willie
Godzilla
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Lol
Yep! I had to ask!
"If you watch Godzilla backwards, it's about a big ass lizard who helps rebuild a half burnt-down city, then moonwalks back into the ocean"
KOTAH
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Ever consider canned wxpanding insulation foam to fill the offending orfices Will ?

You are one very amusing guy.

Kotah
Harley Newman
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Will would not want to foment discord by filling in the blanks!
“You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus” -Mark Twain

www.bladewalker.com
Godzilla
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[quote]On 2013-02-15 13:38, KOTAH wrote:
Ever consider canned wxpanding insulation foam to fill the offending orfices Will ?



That is a great idea!
Then when Willie,pops them out,he could sell them as ...
"Willie's Fishing Bobbers"
"If you watch Godzilla backwards, it's about a big ass lizard who helps rebuild a half burnt-down city, then moonwalks back into the ocean"
weepinwil
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Quote:
On 2013-02-15 13:38, KOTAH wrote:
Ever consider canned wxpanding insulation foam to fill the offending orfices Will ?

You are one very amusing guy.

Kotah


Kotah,

As a discount funeral establishment, we have to be careful on prices and the canned foam is a bit more expensive; however, I did try a can and believe you may have created another method for us. Once popped out the anal sealents make great ear plugs. Just the right size. Great for the guy who is tired of hearing crap from his wife or friends.

Weepin' Willie,

Don't forget we have the new and improved "Double Occupancy Coffins in stock for those who want to take a friend when you go. Works great for Murder-Suicide occupants.
"Til Death us do part!" - Weepin Willie
weepinwil
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[quote]On 2013-02-15 13:56, Godzilla wrote:
Quote:
On 2013-02-15 13:38, KOTAH wrote:
Ever consider canned wxpanding insulation foam to fill the offending orfices Will ?



That is a great idea!
Then when Willie,pops them out,he could sell them as ...
"Willie's Fishing Bobbers"


You're right Godzilla, the fish love them and snatch them up hook, line, and sinker, guess it's the smell. But, at one bobber (line and all) per fish they are cost prohibitive. Offered the second batch of phayrangial stoppers as discount breast implants for small endowed homeless women but no one would touch them so had to use them as wine corks instead. Going to abandon the insulation foam and go back to the candy mints (Maybe gummy savers). Always appreciate the helpful hints form Café' members and willing to try them out. As for removal of the foam, they adhere more to the lining and don't pop out, so I had to use the method of the constipated mathmatician and worked them out with a pencil.

Weepin' Willie

Don't forget we have the new and improved "Double Occupancy Coffins in stock for those who want to take a friend when you go. Works great for Murder-Suicide occupants.
"Til Death us do part!" - Weepin Willie
weepinwil
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Quote:
On 2013-02-15 13:52, Harley Newman wrote:
Will would not want to foment discord by filling in the blanks!


Always trying to create peace and avoid discord among the dead.
"Til Death us do part!" - Weepin Willie
weepinwil
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Quote:
On 2013-02-15 13:38, KOTAH wrote:
Ever consider canned wxpanding insulation foam to fill the offending orfices Will ?

You are one very amusing guy.

Kotah


Thanks for the compliment Kotah. Most people just see me as an inter-containing type of guy.

Weepin' Willie
House of Discount Funerals and Funeral Supplies.
"Til Death us do part!" - Weepin Willie
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