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jay leslie
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So, I'm sitting at Seaside restaurant waiting for my friends daughter to get married. I'm not working. The only person I know is my friend... He told me that his daughter DID NOT want any magic today. Apearantly he has "performed" for her friends a million times before and rnough is enough. Fair enough, I understand and agree however,

Usually, when I'm around a group of people I'm working. It's so very boring to watch all these nice people talk about absolutely nothing. I feel completly disconnected listening to them.

I grew-up in a show-biz family and if people have the least amount of personality they have my attention but- how many others find the average human being about as exciting as watching a wedge of cheese age?
Zombie Magic
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I went out for a beer and now have
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Under these circumstances, when you are told NO MAGIC.......you perform magic. Flash paper, doves, Goshman Dong, everything. Right during the vows.

Then go home and cross them off your friends list. Not because they didn't want magic, I don't blame them for that, but because sitting around you realized how boring they are.
Rocky
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Some people find magicians,regardless of how skilled they are,as exciting as watching cheese age...especially when some overzealous performer does not have the courtesy to realize not all human beings are as excited to see cards change colors or sponge balls disappear as much as we do.
Mary Mowder
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Jay,

Just about everyone has some interesting aspect of their personality if you engage them (and you don't have to talk too long).

It sounds like you are shy and don't enjoy starting a conversation with a stranger, who does?

You might Google how to start a conversation with strangers and get the gist. It may seem stilted at first but you'll be helping everyone involved by knowing how to start a conversation.

People ARE interesting once you get them to open up.

Try going around without Magic for a while. There are lots of things to talk about other than Magic.

People are often willing to talk about themselves if anyone will listen.
I will admit that conversational skills are on the wain but everyone could use the practice, right?

-Mary Mowder
LeoH
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Jay:

When I talk to strangers in social circumstances I pretend I am writing an article about the person. I have found most people are an expert at something and love talking about it and are willing to answer questions about their "pet" interests. If I know the names of who I might be seated with at an event, I may even contact a mutual friend who can share something about the people so I can look for a "common bond" subject to use as a conversation starter, then let the person do most of the talking! I agree with Mary that people are very interesting.

There is an entire chapter on conversation in the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People". I know the book seems dated, but the principles still work today.
jay leslie
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It's not a question of being shy, I never carry magic unless I'm working, never. Magic for me is a business, not a "need", therapy or, crutch. I have 70 some credits in psychology and psychiatry. I attended med school so I know how to talk to people. What I'm trying to convey is, It's just so boring to listen about what roads people took to get to the restaurant & the ordeal they went through to get exact change for the Valet & weather they should have worn shoes with tassels or not. Maybe I'm just an Elitist Jerk, I dunno.

Nothing anyone said today was of any redeeming value. Just once I'd like a con man to approach me and start running his game, at least that would be interesting. To top it off I was stuck sitting next to a man who kept passing gas.

I'll stop complaining now, least you (collectively) may get the impression I am boring too.
Howie Diddot
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If they don't want to see magic, you can always engage them in a conversation about guns
imgic
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Moved to Seattle to see
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Sorry to say your post portrays you as a smug self centered seeker of attention.

As others pointed out everyone has stories, hobbies, interests and you can learn something from anyone. Sometimes it's not about you.

Asks a few questions "how did you meet your spouse?" "What's your favorite childhood memory?" "What's best vacation you've had?" You'll hear some some great stories and find yourself having a great time.
"Imagination is more important than knowledge."
Mary Mowder
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Jay does make a good point.

Many people don't know what to talk about and end up talking about what they ordered at the restaurant and the route they took to get here.

When I think about it I've had some conversations that made me want to run screaming. I don't want to hear the gruesome details of an operation or the minutia of your divorce.

When I mentioned that conversational skills are on the wain that is exactly what I was talking about. It is up to us to lead the conversation in a better direction.

Some people can't move a story along or never give others a turn. Avoid total bores

Try to find common ground with the rest.

There are people who would love a good conversation and as I said almost everyone has something they could talk about that you would find interesting.

Try to be the change. Good Luck!

-Mary Mowder
Mary Mowder
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I meant wane not wain.

-Mary
Howie Diddot
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If they don't want to see magic or discuss guns, you can always engage them in a conversation about phorography
ShirtlessKirk
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Discussing Eugenics always gets the ball rolling.
Herr Brian Tabor
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Jay, I feel for ya. I hate small talk, so boring and predictable. Yeah, I know it's raining outside. Yes, I'm sure you like corn.....ugh. I like Howie's suggestion of the gun discussion lmao, at least it could liven things up XD

When my sister first brought her boyfriend to meet our parents, I had fun. Dad is an old school baptist preacher, and this poor boy was Jewish. So of course, when I started getting bored, I brought up religion, rofl. I nearly lost it when dad asked if "the jews still use the King James bible". The whole time my sister is mouthing "i'm gonna kill you" to me lol.

Always keep yourself entertained Smile
Dimitri Mystery Artist
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I didn't get your point?

Quote:
On 2013-07-13 19:54, jay leslie wrote:
It's so very boring to watch all these nice people talk about absolutely nothing. I feel completely disconnected listening to them.



they don't know you and don't need to entertain you.
you felt disconnected LISTENING, it sounds like you were not interested in them, otherwise you would have been more active in the conversation.
Dimitri Mystery Artist
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Quote:
On 2013-07-14 00:16, Mary Mowder wrote:
It is up to us to lead the conversation in a better direction.



well said!
Howie Diddot
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Quote:
On 2013-07-14 14:40, Herr Brian Tabor wrote:

When my sister first brought her boyfriend to meet our parents, I had fun. Dad is an old school baptist preacher, and this poor boy was Jewish. So of course, when I started getting bored, I brought up religion, rofl. I nearly lost it when dad asked if "the jews still use the King James bible". The whole time my sister is mouthing "i'm gonna kill you" to me lol.

Always keep yourself entertained Smile


Next time he comes over bring up the subject of circumcision and ask if it a Jewish tradition of tithing 10%
tboehnlein
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Sorry Jay I believe your wrong, if you cant find something interesting about someone you have never meant before then you may want to review your communication abilities. Sorry I do not care what credits you have in psychology or medicine or for that matter if you have a doctrine in communications. Education means squat I have interviewed many with advanced degrees and their communication qualities sucked. If watching a con or showing a magic trick is more interesting to you than learning about new people then you may be too one dimensional.
Daz Buckley
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How can you say Jay is wrong ? He relayed to us his experience and the thought process he had whilst undergoing that experience. He only asked if others find people boring, as he does. It didn't seem to me to be a right/wrong question or a plea for advice. That makes him a " smug self-centred seeker of attention " ? That's a harsh characterization off the cuff. Whilst I've never met Jay in person, we have had some hilarious conversations long distance and I can tell you that he is fun, humorous, mischievous, and a great conversationalist. He just seems to have a problem with inane small talk. Me too ! He could be an elitist jerk though ( sorry Jay Smile)
Ronald72
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Holland
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"Nothing anyone said today was of any redeeming value"

Jay did it ever occure to you that it has value to them who share there story? Looks to me if you don't harm people you have every right to your opinion/thought process.

For me your question/statement sounds to me as not very friendfull and kind. Also raise it the question about what would you miss having an attitude like that? I assume you would say "nothing". But the secret here is you don't know what you missed because you are not open to experienced new wonders or be amazed by other people.

Best regards,
Ronald
funsway
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old things in new ways - new things in old ways
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In answer to your initial question, "how many others find the average human being about as exciting as watching a wedge of cheese age?" I would offer a couple of thoughts:

1) the apparent Lemming like desire of folks today be "be average" is distressing -- evidence by what they choose to talk about. This does not mean that they are not somehow unique and have something to share. The wedding venue is not the proper setting to discover this, of course, but deciding that people are boring because what they share publicly is trivial or boring is too assumptive for me.

2) you role at a wedding is to serve as witness to the commitment and cleaving of two people for one another. All else is secondary. Thus, the casual banter of those milling about is exactly what should be occurring. Any serious discussion or manipulative games for ego stroking are out of place.

3) by strolling about any absorbing the energy rather than paying attention to any banal words can allow you to choose who might be worth a serious conversation later on -- away from that setting. Any gathering of strangers in an opportunity for both boredom and adventure.

Both amusement and boredom come from within yourself. I also find what most folks choose to chat about to be "not worth my interest or effort." Therefore, I seek out those with something of value to share and provide energy to make that occur. But, I would never disrupt any event or purposeful gathering to place my needs above that of others.

...............................

now, if the deeper question is why folks seem to be more boring now than in earlier times there are several answers. People find their won lives to be boring and seek vicarious entertainment in place of "entertaining themselves." This is good for the future of performance magic. Even a poor performance will be preferable to chatting with yet another boring people. AT least you will give them something different to chat about.

Yet, it is never appropriate to decide for others what is best for them -- and to force your magic on anyone is disrespectful. The fact that you find the any situation or conversation boring is never a granting of permission to do anything. Kudo's to Jay for not imposing his obvious skills on another in this setting -- but, what is the value of all that education if you find only boredom in life?

There is an old AmerIndian saying that one must sometimes look for wonder on your knees since some flowers are so small that can not be seen while standing tall.
"the more one pretends at magic, the more awe and wonder will be found in real life." Arnold Furst



eBooks at Lybrary.com * questions at funsway@eversway.com
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