If I ever drop something I say, "Lucky that floor was there, otherwise it would have just kept on going."

If you drop a TT (or you could intentionally drop it, just to use the line) just say it's one of those new cosmetically pleasing Bandaids for protecting a finger injury, like stitches.

You could always say, I don't have to do this you know. I could always go back to picking pockets.

"If I didn't make a mistake once in a while, you would think this stuff is too easy."

The line I'd use would have something to do with Viagra!

Here's a couple of general failure lines:

"You call that magic?! What kind of audience are you?"

"Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that's what it would look like if Microsoft made magic tricks." OR

"Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that's what it would look like if the government built magic tricks."

"I like to lower expectations every now and then so it's easier to exceed them."

"You're fired!" (I know someone else mentioned it already but it's especially good these days.)

"That one was dedicated to all the people in my life who said I'd never amount to anything."

"Failure is highly underrated."

"I need to maintain my amateur status so I can try out for the magic olympics."

And the ever popular:

"I meant to do that." (Delivered as drolly as possible.)

Craig

Does anyone else hate this line as much as me? I've seen shows where several performers have used this line...it didn't fly:

Perhaps a bit passe, though it might depend on the demographics of the audience, as well as how well the line was delivered.

naturalturn

On my first paid show as an adult, the spectator pried my fingers off one of the few non-force cards, which I really lost in the deck. I asked her what was her card, she said two of clubs, and I turned over the three of clubs. I said close enough and the audience agreed with me.

"I didn't think this was worth 700 dollars when I bought it either!"

Before doing a stage or street show (or sometimes even before a table show If I think I'm going to be there long enough) I tell everyone that if I screw...uhm...when, make that WHEN I screw up, everybody remember to say "way to go Larry!" Got it? Okay then.... And I proceed with the show. If I make a mistake, I clap, motion to the audience, and they say the line, usually in unison the first time and ALWAYS the second time, and it gets laughs!

I do a one manned illusion show where there are no assistants. I have to roll everything on and off the stage. I also have to control my own lights and sound. You can imagine how many things go wrong in this kind of show. In the opening of the show I open with a arabian tent and then discover my assistant is not in there and I get a cell phone call on stage telling me that she is running late. I simply roll my eyes and go on with the show. If a trick does fail on stage I would say that "WOW....it did the same thing in rehearsals"


A few years ago I was doing a headchopper routine and the blade in the tracks that the people see the whole time (not the secret blade) fell out but showing the fake blade. I picked up the blade off the floor and looked at the girl on stage with me, I said "Who needs this anyway?" Then told someone offstage to get my black box and we went on with the show.


Robert

"I said I'm ____ not Merlin!"

ONCE, ONCE. I wish this would work ONCE.

"Funny, the guy I bought this from on Ebay said it didn't work for him either"!

MAGICIAN - And your card magically jumps to the top of the pack!

THE MAGICIAN FLIPS OVER THE TOP CARD. IT IS THE TEN OF DIAMONDS

SPECTATOR - That's not my card

MAGICIAN - And magically changes into the ten of diamonds!

Never say WHOOPS!

John

"OK, perhaps that WASN'T the magic word."

"That may have appeared to be a mistake but in magic we call it 'misdirection'. If you turn around you'll notice that the mysterious gypsy woman at the back of the room has now disappeared."

Or, to steal a line from Steven Wright:

"That may have appeared to be a mistake but in magic we call it 'misdirection'. If you look around you'll notice that everything in the room has disappeared and been replaced with an exact duplicate."

Craig

"That's the first time that ever happened again."

"The last time I did that the audience disappeared."

"I'll send that one to the Air Force and they can drop it on Bin Laden."

"I have this theory that if I make a mistake every once and a while it makes the rest of my act look much more impressive. Is it working?"

Craig

A great recovery for the spec card lost in deck has been "oh really what was your card (while looking for their card to bring to the top... secretly yes while looking thought the deck)lets start again (forcing same card and reminding them to) show everyone and remember your card...... I get the AHHHH he knew it all along very good reaction for forcing the same card and actually doing thre intended trick or more into an ambitious routine.

I've gotten a laugh from this one, at a show where I was volunteering,

"Well, when [the organizers] asked me to volunteer today, I told them they'd get exactly what they were paying for!" Mind you, I am very careful to follow it up with something that works.....

Thanks for the other lines, folks - great stuff!