What are you looking at?
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So you did not like that!
Tommy Copper use to say "Just like That".
If you have never seen this British king of comedy I strongly suggest you get one of his video’s.
Just Like That.
Mario

Turn to assistant - Stop playing tricks on me.

Force card, lose card (quite literally) show wrong card.
Specator: That was not my card.
You: I didn't think so... (Keep shuffling cards, look back at spectator) ...oh! Were you wanting to see a trick? Sorry, I thought you were just facinated with me shuffling cards. I was beginning to think that my shuffling had gotten better.

(Throw cards over your shoulder) That was my favourite trick... until a minute ago. (Take out a new pack)

First time this trick has ever done that

Sorry folks, they are a new deck and not properly trained yet. (Turn to cards) I told you before, ONLY on the newspaper.

And that's one of the ways this trick works ladies and gentlemen.

After doing a failed card trick: "So... would you like to see a card trick?"

I then find out what the card was and force it as the next selection in the next trick. The invisible deck is a wonderful back up as well. (for cards).

Once I was doing a show and pulled out a prop that had unset itself so I couldn't use it. I quickly put it back in the case and said to the audience: "Why did I bring that anyway?"

Maybe you would rather see a card trick?

- Brian Nadworny

Last time that trick will ever do that.

Awe Gee why a Last time did you kill it.

No but it almost killed me.

I think some of these jokes are killing the people to.

I work mainly for adults, so....

"Well, I pretty much ************* that up, didn't I?"

Roars of laughter.

Last Thursday night. I was doing a Handcuff Escape and trying to get out of them by spinning around. I spun around the First time and my reply was still locked in.

That wasn't your card?!?! That is strange. How about that one? That one? That one? Repeat showing the next card until audience says yes.

That was so your card. You big liar! I'm a magician and I know! (This would probably also get a free escort out of the establisment too).

Now that we've got that out of the way its time for some real magic.

I always look at them and say, "What did you expect? Magic?"

Or "It worked when that guy on TV did it".

And "If at first you don't succeed, don't go skydiving."

I enjoy pulling a card out of my pocket and saying "was this your card?"... to somebody I just started talking to.

"I didn't pick a card."

"Oh. Right." Look sheepish and put the card away.

I've always liked "What do you think I am, a magician?!"

Only for adult shows, in certain situations:

"Sorry about that folks. I'm having a bad day. This morning my car wouldn't start... the battery wouldn't bat, the carburetor wouldn't carb... and the pistons wouldn't... well, they wouldn't work either!"

If a trick fails... sometimes I say "I must have used the wrong magic words.

When a cool trick like "Out of this world" works and people are fasintated by it, I say "WOW, that's the first time this trick ever worked. You have amazing mental abilities!" It makes them feel great about themselves.

Once getting ready to do a square circle routine, I lifted out the tube and fake to show the box empty, but just as I cleared the box, the gimmick fell out on the table, and I said, "Presto! A black tube appears out of nowhere!...and now for my next trick..."

When you make a mistake and expose the method:

"o.k, Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to the show "Revealing the Magicians secrets"

"The Masked Magician pays me to do this kind of stuff" (generally for an audience of magicians)