Ya beat me to it! I was going to offer that line but I couldn't remember Senator's name. thanks!
Joe Comet

"Gee it worked great in rehearsal"
"Today I am auctioning off a great prop"
"Rats! And the warranty is up too!"


Okay I don't know if they're funny but this post puts me at 1000!

TaDa! Frank Tougas

*** If a trick crashes and burns and reveals the gimmick.... I usually tell the audience "Consider yourselves lucky, It cost me 50 bucks to find out how this trick worked!"

Sonny Vegas

If I ever mess up, I cry.

I had shown a guy the 'pen thru the dollar' trick last week, well today he saw me again and insisted I do the trick again for him, well I do tend to carry magic with me, but the pen was at home. I told him that it wasnt a magic moment and I couldn't perform the trick. He insisted I do the 'pen thru the dollar' trick, once again I said "How about something else?" " No!" he said and proceeded to hand me a $20 dollar bill. Well, with his friends looking intently, I grabbed a pen out of my pocket and went throught the motions. I held up the pen with the dollar pierced and he said to his friends "See! I told you he could do it".
After literally pulling the pen out of the 20 I handed it back to him hole and all.
He looked at me and said, "There's a hole in my twenty!". You should have seen the look on his face. I replied "I told you it wasnt a magic moment.... I think with the look on your face it's a Kodak moment."

Nobody got hurt in this incident, just a big laugh at his insistant stupidity.

Lol that's nice.....similar experience - I did that trick for a friend and he claimed it was all a gimmick. He procedes to grab my pen (which was switched into examination mode) and thrust it through his dollar. It of course was shredded and everone was laughing at him. It didn't help that I proceeded to do it again with the whole part of the now shredded dollar. Too funny...

Great recovery, despite all hte mishapds you pulled it on through. Good job!

I did not see this one yet:
It worked in the magic store.

If I drop or fumble with something: "Aren’t ya glad I’m not a doctor?"

After dropping something: "Gravity…not just a good idea, it’s the Law!" (Eric Henning)

After a failed trick, or a disclaimer to an impromptu trick: "Oh, no…this was just an experiment. And experiments often times don’t work, so you shouldn’t be disappointed." (My take on a Michael Finney line)

After dropping something: "Don’t worry folks. I’m ALL RIGHT!"

After a failed trick: 'Well I’ll be d*mned…" continue onto next trick

After an extremely horribly failed trick: "Wait, let me start over…Good evening ladies and gentlemen, my name is Jonathan…" (my take on Mac King’s line)

Simply a good sucker line: "As I dribble the cards, put your card into the deck…(spectator does)…on the count of three…you ba$tard! *Look through the deck quickly, vigorously, and angered*" (Simon Lovell)

I've seen a few new ones here in this thread that I will most definitely be using...
~Jonton

oop's

Tricks are like Ford's.....some of them work, and some of them don't!

"I'm deffenatly giving this back to Copperfeild"

"it looked so easy on TV"

"don't blame me, blame my teatchers"

prop falls a part or on the floor: "I knew I should stop buying my props from IKEA"

"ok so I'm not so god at tricks as my sister, but then she started earlier"

w"hy does bad things always hapend to me first my hamster, then my marrige and now this"

"it said easy do do on the box when I bought it... yhea right"

"ok, so I confess I didd coolor my hair from blond."

"ok I'm hand som, god looking but I suck at card tricks"

Ok some more

"why are you complaining? I'm the one who payed good mony to buy this trick"
"That's some 100 houers of my life... whaisted"
I knwe I shouldn't be buying magic out of someones cartrunk, esecially when his first names were "the great"!

My magic coloring book doesn't work always 100% so I use breakaway wand with it, the magic wand is broken! that's why the trick doesn't work properly.

Look at the trick gone wrong and say, "Well I'll be ***ed! So that's how it works!"

Staring in Disbelief or while picking up the pieces

, Very Loudly Mumble...

" I guess I should have read the directions...."

Very nice...something I will be using the next time (it's sad how I'm almost required to say 'next time')

Next time, yes there will be a next time...

I do primarily the outdoor venues, ie commando street known as busking.

And with all the uncontrolled variables, such as weather, crowd, and other external factors, there is always a next time.

Hahahaha..Thats hilarious what you did!I find it more funny becouse of the Joe Ker..Theres a member on the Café, a friend of mine by the name Joseph Kerr..We call him Joe Kerr...And its his name lol

I used to work with a trained bird act wherein between riding bikes and firing cannons one of the birds would perform a magic trick.

...Audience member would choose a card... I would shuffle to bottom and, of course, pass to the cockatoo in front of the rest of the deck...

About 4 times a year the bird would decide she was sick of it, snatch the card with her beak, and then rip it to pieces with one foot and the beak. I'd be reduced to trying to hold up all the dropped pieces to show it had destroyed the correct card.

There was no point saying anything - pulling faces did it all - sometimes with dead audiences I would try to will the bird to rip the card up.