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The Magic Cafe Forum Index The spooky, the mysterious...the bizarre! What do you think? (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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weepinwil
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My business seems to be 'picking up'. When I opened my Death Emporium I used the slogan, "Your last mile is my first priority." When I moved the crematorium from my brother's BBQ restaurant and into it's own business I advertised, "Nothings says loving' like something from the crematory oven". Then I expanded and added a birthing center and the card read, "Weeping' Willie, serving clients from the womb to the tomb." Now, I am considering opening a suicide prevention/encouragement line and was wondering what my Caf' friends think about, "Death is the last thing you want to do!" (of course, for those willing to pay for us to encourage the person we could substitute, "Death is never having to say you're sorry.")

If you have a better suggestion I'm two ears. (no body is all ears).
"Til Death us do part!" - Weepin Willie
YitzhakNoDice
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Portland, Oregon
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Well, Willie, if you can expand your business, perhaps you should open a day care centre for the young and old alike. You could call it, "Service from Dawn to Twilight". If you can get your clients 'hooked' at an early age, and the get the return business, what a bone to be thrown. Of course, you will need to change your advertising stategy to market your services to children.

Perhaps you could open the play-atorium in the crematorium bakery to attract children (and their parents) and serve sweet pastries irrestistable to the young?

The nursing home part of the day care centre would greatly increase efficiency for you; think of the savings in transportation costs alone! Scheduling might also easier since you can keep track of who's about to snuff it.

That's my two Obol's worth.

(No books yet; they haven't shown up. Perhaps, to paraphrase Hillel, "If not today, then tomorrow?")
A wise man's question contains half the answer. - Solomon ben Judah, Philosopher
weepinwil
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Quote:
On 2014-01-06 11:27, YitzhakNoDice wrote:
Well, Willie, if you can expand your business, perhaps you should open a day care centre for the young and old alike. You could call it, "Service from Dawn to Twilight". If you can get your clients 'hooked' at an early age, and the get the return business, what a bone to be thrown. Of course, you will need to change your advertising stategy to market your services to children.

Perhaps you could open the play-atorium in the crematorium bakery to attract children (and their parents) and serve sweet pastries irrestistable to the young?

The nursing home part of the day care centre would greatly increase efficiency for you; think of the savings in transportation costs alone! Scheduling might also easier since you can keep track of who's about to snuff it.

That's my two Obol's worth.

(No books yet; they haven't shown up. Perhaps, to paraphrase Hillel, "If not today, then tomorrow?")


Great idea. Then also have a pre-school and advertise, "Can't count to two? We'll teach you to count your days."
"Til Death us do part!" - Weepin Willie
Godzilla
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Tied & Untied Witches on
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Or,some help for Wayward Hookers...

"We,will get you up off your backs,until it is time to Lay you down"

I know someone,that hates it,when we do this ! LOL

So,do you Willie! Smile
"If you watch Godzilla backwards, it's about a big ass lizard who helps rebuild a half burnt-down city, then moonwalks back into the ocean"
weepinwil
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Quote:
On 2014-01-06 12:27, Godzilla wrote:
Or,some help for Wayward Hookers...

"We,will get you up off your backs,until it is time to Lay you down"

I know someone,that hates it,when we do this ! LOL

So,do you Willie! Smile


Yes I do. Should hear from them soon. Wouldn't be surprised to see this in my next book. Lol

I also thought about a funeral home intimate apparel shop and use: "In the embalming room Victoria has no secrets."
"Til Death us do part!" - Weepin Willie
YitzhakNoDice
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I may not quite have it quite correct; the good book says, תן לו להיות אחד אחד כדי להיות שיכור ראשון

On a slightly related note, I have a book in my library entitled "Jewish Thoughts about an Afterlife". When I first purchased it, I was describing it to my mother over the telephone. Say quipped, "That must be a VERY short book."


Sitz shv'r tzu zein a Yid!
A wise man's question contains half the answer. - Solomon ben Judah, Philosopher
weepinwil
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Quote:
On 2014-01-06 12:55, YitzhakNoDice wrote:
I may not quite have it quite correct; the good book says,

On a slightly related note, I have a book in my library entitled "Jewish Thoughts about an Afterlife". When I first purchased it, I was describing it to my mother over the telephone. Say quipped, "That must be a VERY short book."


Sitz shv'r tzu zein a Yid!


More than 2 pages? LoL
"Til Death us do part!" - Weepin Willie
YitzhakNoDice
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Actually, it has many pages, all with the same basic message. However, I like this following description better:

Yes, it has exactly four pages. Page one sticks to the inside of the front cover, page two is blank. Page three is blank and page 4 sticks to the inside of the back cover. Thus, when opening the book, one is faced with two blank facing pages. The reader realises there is no answer, puts the book away, and (hopefully) goes and finds a good deed to do. If the reader is so inclined as to pry out a page, page one reads: "No. There is no afterlife. Don't waste your time thinking about it and do a good deed". If the reader prys out the other page, page 4, this is written on the page: "Yes, well, okay, maybe, oh, whatever. You can believe it if you want to, but don't waste your time worrying about it and go out and do a good deed".

This falls under the catagory of "Ask two Jews, get three answers".
A wise man's question contains half the answer. - Solomon ben Judah, Philosopher
The Curator
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Before and after our services:

Image

Image
Sicnatius
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Where do you find such morbid, but awesome, pictures? I go regularly to the local flea markets but all I find is new lego for my little one.
The Curator
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Well, I've somekind of Museum and I spend my life at flea markets and antiquarians...
I must tell you that I've a routine using those 2 photos and some others.
Sicnatius
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I am very aware that you have that museum and that you have to invest a lot of time in finding new items for your collection.

I was just a little jealous because I spend a lot of time at flea markets but never found something that was just half as cool as the stuff you show on a regular base Smile
YitzhakNoDice
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Very nice Curator; thank you for sharing. You knock us dead with such material; you never disappoint!

I've found many good old photographs suitable for storytelling routines at vintage shops and that big on-line auction site.

In the house I live in now, when we first moved in, we found an old china figurine of a woman (with big dress and parasol) riding a 1900-style bicycle (which is an odd juxtaposition in itself). The hideous figurine, with most of its paint warn away from age, has a compartment underneath which contained some newspaper clippings, small mementos, a photograph of a young girl, and one of an old woman. I added a broken woman's watch and a third (fake) newpaper clipping. That old thing, and the story I created behind the people associated with it, takes an entire evening of entertainment. (Of course, some strange, unexplainable things happen!)

One doesn't necessary need to look hard to dig up good props...someone else's old junk can be quite good.
A wise man's question contains half the answer. - Solomon ben Judah, Philosopher
weepinwil
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The only thing I have ever found in an old house was three dead bodies. I learned that friends will help you move but only true friends will help you move bodies.
"Til Death us do part!" - Weepin Willie
Wizard of Oz
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Quote:
On 2014-01-06 14:44, The Curator wrote:
Before and after our services:

Image

Image




Those photos are chilling even without an effect to go with them. They were obviously photographed weeks, days, if not hours apart.
Brilliant stuff as usual Curator.
Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.
The Curator
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Now think about this: the second photo was in fact, the first one taken...
Wizard of Oz
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Even across the internet you keep us in suspense, we must know more. That is so very perfect in every way.
Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.
weepinwil
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I find the table changes most interesting. Makes me wonder why. Did she lose her faith? Was she trying to manipulate God? Or, was she raised from the dead and no longer needed the religous items so close?
"Til Death us do part!" - Weepin Willie
Sicnatius
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It was day, so she didn't need all the candles anymore, so she put that table away would be too unspooky I guess.

So I claim they needed to put it away to do some Frankenstein-like experiments with her...and they worked...look at her strange face, looks like she was just struck by lightning.
george1953
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I think I dated her once, one of the better ones I dated Smile
By failing to prepare, we are preparing to fail.
The Magic Cafe Forum Index The spooky, the mysterious...the bizarre! What do you think? (0 Likes)
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