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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Tricky business » » What to say in first email (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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Starrpower
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Augie, I did a quick rewrite for you with some brief thoughts. It's not perfect, but it's a start:

Dear Katherine,

Thank you for taking the time to speak with me today regarding your entertainment needs.

(This serves as a polite reminder of the conversation, what the discussion was about, and is a lead-in to the rest of the email)

As I said on the phone, every year around this time I donate a few free shows for local businesses, and this year I decided I was going to focus on childcare and early education centers.

(I'd remove the entire preceding sentence! Why rehash details of the conversation? Besides, as mentioned earlier in this thread it is emphasizing a FREE show rather than the benefits of YOUR show. Bad move. I would never lead with such a weak selling point. I'd go right into your show features and the benefits to the client.)

My show runs 35 minutes, but it can be adjusted to fit your needs. (simplified your statement. Why mention specific time limits? Leave some things for later discussion. If the show time is flexible, leave it at that). My show a family friendly, interactive magic show that would be sure to appeal to your day-care audience! Some of the children will even come up to help me with the magic, but they all will become an active part of the fun right from their seats! (The original text emphasized the few kids that could help, this emphasizes fun for all)

My schedule is free mid-to-late march. How does that time frame work for you? (Oooo … I don't like that statement! It implies you are not a busy performer, and it's almost pleading for work. Instead, try this:)

I still have some available dates in March that may fit into your schedule.

I look forward to finding more about how I can provide some magic for your school! I'll follow up with you in a few days. In the meantime, feel free to call me at 555-1212. (This assumes a follow-up, and allows her the option to call you, even though that should be implied)

Sincerely,

Augie the Magician
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charliecheckers
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1969 Posts

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Starrpower- nice rewrite. Makes me think about my written word and things I can do to improve. Thanks.
augiemagic
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Overland Park, KS
162 Posts

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Starrpower - Great rewrite. Thanks! You have a point about kids shows not necessarily being a solid lead-in to doing other work. The more I think about it, the more I would like to work other venues.

For the time being however, I've decided to commit myself to the kid show business, and sustain that while figuring out what market to pursue next. I realize that may not be the most efficient career move, but I'm 24 and have some time to make mistakes. Since I have no idea where to start for other markets, and don't currently have a show for them, I'm going to do kids shows while I work on my other material and figure out some marketing stuff. I do really appreciate the advice, however.

While it may be a stretch to switch over to corporate, transferring from kids shows to family-oriented fair/festival shows doesn't seem like a huge leap, except for the marketing.

In other news: The day care I emailed wants to bring me in for a show (two, in fact)! At the end of March! I'm really excited.

I do, however, have one problem. They would like me to do a show for their 3-year-old classroom. To be honest, this is an age group I've never worked with. It was something I had not anticipated. They only want a 15-20 minute show for that group, and 30-35 for their pre-k room. I have a month and a half, so I'm not incredibly worried, but I need to get on top of figuring out material for that age group.
charliecheckers
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You would do well to invest in Zucchini's DVd's. Trust him - he knows how to entertain this group like no other.
augiemagic
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Overland Park, KS
162 Posts

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Cool. I will check it out.
Nash
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Hong Kong ~ USA
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Simple rules to follow:
1.) Its a conversation, start it that way
2.) Don't answer a question that wasn't asked
3.) Be brief
Don't give up, don't EVER give up.

Corporate event magician
pickin_grinnin
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Texas
144 Posts

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When I contact a performer (magician or not) or (s)he contacts me in reference to a show in my library, I generally look for this initial information:

- a picture (or link to one)
- a link to a sample video (if possible)
- a price for a 45 minute show, or at least a range of prices
- how far the performer will travel without charging extra fees, and how much those fees are if we fall outside that range
- a rough description (or link to one) about the performance, along with an indication of the age range it is best suited to

Those things can give me a very good idea of whether I'm interested in potentially hiring the performer. Further emails or other discussions can tighten up the details.

If a performer sends me an inquiry without that information, I'll generally ask for it. I do enjoy just getting it up front, though.
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