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arthur stead
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When I played soccer, I hit
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The original Speakers Corner seems to have fizzled out. So I thought I'd start a Speakers Corner 2 in the hope that more folks will share funny or interesting or exciting experiences, or things that they witnessed. Here's my true story:

In my touring days I once worked with two roadies who were the Kings of Krazy Glue. Eric and Bernie would pull all sorts of stunts. Like gluing the light sockets into lamps. Or secretly sneaking into someone's hotel room, gluing the phone's handset to the base, and then later on making repeated phone calls to that room. (This was in the early 80's, before cell phones became affordable).

One time during our travels, I saw some unique pencil erasers in a jar at a novelty shop. They fit on the end of a pencil, just like ordinary pencil erasers ... except that they were shaped like ***es. I thought we could have a lot of fun with these little pencil "****s." So I bought the whole jar!

Needless to say, Eric and Bernie came up with the most ingenious ways to use these. For example, while on a plane flight, they took a piece lined paper and wrote a headline reading "VD Clinic - Sign Up Here." Underneath the headline, they signed a few names, leaving room for more signatures. And at the bottom of the page - true to form - they used Krazy Glue to attach one of the pencil **** erasers! The top of the page was attached so it hung off the luggage storage rack across the aisle from them. Due to the plane's air conditioning, that little pencil **** kept waving back and forth in the breeze!

But their absolutely most outrageous, over-the-top Krazy Glue stunt was the following: During one of our flights, when lunch was served, they both decided they hated their meals. So they glued it all ... the food plates, the glasses, the the bread rolls, the cutlery, everything ... to the tray. And then they turned their trays upside down, and glued them to the ceiling above their seats (i.e. the bottom of the storage rack). It was unbelievable!

Well, as you can imagine, their stunt wasn't funny for too long. The flight crew reported it to the captain. And shortly thereafter, he came to see for himself. And he was furious! He sternly ordered Eric and Bernie to take down the trays (which of course ripped the paint). And then he told them they would be arrested as soon as we landed.

Luckily, nobody was arrested when we landed. But as we disembarked, Bernie pulled a stunt which those of us who witnessed it will never forget. He secretly put Krazy Glue on the open end of a little pencil ****. And he held it, glue side down, between his index and middle fingers. You know how the flight crew used to stand near the front of a plane to say goodbye to the passengers as they exited? Well, Bernie walked right up to the captain, patted him on the shoulder, and said, "Nice landing, thank you" ... and walked out the door. Only what the captain DIDN'T know, was that Bernie had attached the little pencil **** to his shoulder! So as the rest of our group - plus all the passengers behind us - filed past the flight crew, we could all see it standing there. The poor man was totally unaware that he had an upright little **** on his shoulder as he said his goodbyes! And until he found it, he sure must have wondered why everybody was cracking up!
Arthur Stead
royalty-free music and interactive routines
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