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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Not very magical, still... » » I Truly Feel Some Fear And Paranaoi That MY Fault Ultimately, Ed » » TOPIC IS LOCKED (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

Eddini_81976
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(Before you read this I CAN definitely understand people wanting these post somewhere else so I PLEAD with the staff that they make a subcategory for Mystery Performers where they can talk SPECIFICALLY about any difficulties. It wouldn’t therefore fit in the “Not Very Magical” or “Prayer and Condolences” either. I was thinking this part could be moderated by Bill Cushman though that IS his day job so I doubt he’d be interested in it. I think it should be a Mental Health Professional of some sort. It would STILL be Mystery Performers Helping other Mystery Performers. I WILL have this on a Word Document you know in case it’s accidentally deleted Smile Thanks as I TRULY think it would be a Great Idea.)


I don't feel I like I'm taken seriously as a "Artist" here and I'm tired. One day I'm going to lose my sh!t. I'm in constant Paranoia now after reading something in a Chapter that rhymes with "Mitch". I think one of my core fears is being possessed by Demons or even people. I had this really NICE PERSON, a guy like me with a "Good Heart" offer me help. It was very nice and I was touched but had some fear as I know the ways and mean by which they help. I worry about having Spirits sent to me or Spells done in my behalf that I'm not into BUT YES I DO NEED HELP DIFFERENT TYPES. I'm nauseous with fear literally[i]. I feel like I'm really becoming unstable AGAIN. It's weird and I MUST take responsibility. I've even had a Huge Panic Attack in my mid-20's at a Church as they were having a "Healing Service" where most fall back and are slain in the Holy Spirit. I had it done once before and it was the BEST, Warmest, Most Loving Experience, like literally getting a Hug from God. Yes I know of the "Fall Back Hypnotic Induction" and NO it was not that. That healing truly did last like a month until I let people talk myself out of the healing by offering up other explanations which was a VERY BAD THING for them to do. Then like 6 months later like 13 years ago, and this time it was a PRIEST that did the Main Praying over me. He scared me and made me thought I was "possessed". He was like and had all the other prayers surround me as he was saying "and I release the Demon of Depression from you", "I release the Demon of Panic Attacks From You" ... etc. and the people crowding me. NOW I KNOW he was being LITERAL (as I take things quite literally at times) he could've easily said "and I release the problem of addiction from you" ... etc. I had the worst Panic Attack leaving the Church.

What worse as it's a "Association Thing" sadly I could not walk into a Church for a year and that was the worst as Church has ALWAYS, always been a "Safe Refuge" from me and I was just so CONFUSED. Anyway after lots of Prayer to JESUS (not Spirits ... etc.). I finally got the courage up though fearful, and went to confession and Mass. My Spirituality is EXTREMELY SACRED TO ME. Bottom Line is though while it's been a couple since I've been to "Mass" per se, but I'm received Holy Communion (To me the Cornerstone of the Catholic Faith as Communion is something NOT done "In Remembrance" NOR is it a "Symbolic" Thing. When you are partaking in Communion you are 110% LITERALLYm eating the [i]FLESH
of the ONE TRUE GOD, the one who CREATED US, CREATED THE WORLD, Reality ... etc. Just think about that and it's great meditation. I also pray too.

I’ve tried to write this Author a couple of times to no avail but yes I know he’s busy. YES I do know what you’re saying “Well Ed if certain books are upsetting just don’t read them”. VERY TRUE it’s hard though as I have this thing called “Morbid Curiosity”. Besides God the HUGEST thing that drives me is finding my Soul Mate. In this one book though I had a Bad Experience (no use to getting into it as I have before) there is this part I read like 5 pages of (till I got too frightened) is a part of the book on “Love Spells”. See I’ve been going through the book to on the side I can bookmark where things are, as I like books with a table on contents that way you can go directly to the Chapter or what you’re interested in. I was HUGELY into the Chapter that Rhymes with “Mitch”. I was also interested in a part of the book where you can get a part of your Brain “To Click”.

He has some of the BEST routines. I had to Cross - Reference so I could get his “Limson Wall Suggestion”. Obviously that’s not the name but it Rhymes with it, BUT I could tweak that, so it comes out Christian sounding more. This Author is SUPER DUPER Smart and in another book he had something on “Eye Scanning” that I LOVED, and I just want more ONLY Psychological / N.L.P. / Hypnotic Techniques (Nothing do to with Witchcraft or Supernatural) that way I’m more attractive to Women without looking into those Cheesy Books written by PUA’s. The thing is I rarely as you know already (Again I won’t get into again and you KNOW I’ve TRIED too) know I RARELY leave where I live so except Actresses I really have no Crush on any one person. I have a type but no person. I want to go out and look into girls eyes and “scan them”. I’d also like to MEMORIZE from “Mitch” the ¾ of a page that allows you to literally do “Mind Control”. PLEASE KNOW, I DON’T want a Robot but a girl to like me for me. I would ONLY use this so that I can make them feel Great & Positive when around me. I still NEED (MUST) find a way to motivate myself to leave my house daily.

Also yes I KNOW I complain when I put videos up and no one comments or if someone comments badly I feel hurt and defensive. The ONLY reason I get upset is that it’s ONLY YOU FELLOW PERFORMERS who put down my work to a Degree. My GOAL when making videos is to AMAZE AND ENTERTAIN MY FANS AND SUBSCRIBERS OF COURSE YOU”LL BE LOOKING AT IT DIFFERENTLY BUT (TRY) SEEING IT FROM A LAYMEN’S POINT OF VIEW. That hurts and MAKES me want to go copy & paste their comments. I however ALWAYS follow the TRUTH above all, and yes I may get mad, may threaten you … etc. but at least I know YOUR TRUTH.

I just really wish this really Great Author would try to Schedule a time for skyping that way I can see his thoughts and intentions about things, that way I’m not constantly living in Paranoia, that someone might be trying to control my thoughts, or any followers trying do to the same thing making me possibly go nuts and kill myself as I KNOW they have that power. The VERY BEST Help I can have is to have a person pray to JESUS Christ (The True Jesus) about me give me Peace, Love, Protection, and for him to put a Girl in my Life. I nice Traditional DEEP (Theta as that’s the State I work in) Hypnosis Session so that I can get out more and attracting Girls. This person is SO AWESOME and has ALREADY helped me I’m afraid to ask for help. This person like me TRULY has a Good Heart and ONLY good intentions from all I know about them.

Sorry if I sound Repetitive as you can ALWAYS skip reading this post. Also remember sadly that one member here who DID take their life. I do NOT mean to put anything on anything but if you read my past post you’ll KNOW I haven’t had luck finding a Therapist, but with my insurance have had no luck and YES I type the same type of stuff more detail actually on face book.

God Bless, Ed
"Treat Others As You'd Want To Be Treated" - Jesus Christ
IAIN
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Ed, Jesus wouldn't want you to feel like this and I know he would want you to make positive and healthy choices ALWAYS, so right now he would want you to speak to a mental health professional about how you are feeling - and to listen to those people who are trying to work and help you...see it as Jesus working through them...

if Jesus could appear right now next to you, what do you think he would say to help you the most right now?
I've asked to be banned
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