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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Not very magical, still... » » I think this is punny... (8 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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Kabbalah
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Charles Dickens walks into a bar and says, "I'm bereft of inspiration.
Prepare me a martini." The bartender replies,

"Olive or twist?"
"Long may magicians fascinate and continue to be fascinated by the mystery potential in a pack of cards."
~Cliff Green

"The greatest tricks ever performed are not done at all. The audience simply think they see them."
~ John Northern Hilliard
Pakar Ilusi
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Danny Devito walks into a bar....

"Ouch!"

Smile
"Dreams aren't a matter of Chance but a matter of Choice." -DC-
Mehtas
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England, UK
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The past, The Present and The Future walk into a bar.

It was a tense moment.
Magnus Eisengrim
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Sulla placed heads on
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A woman walks into a bar and orders a double ententre. So the bartender gives it to her.
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.--Yeats
Michael Baker
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Eternal Order
Near a river in the Midwest
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A doctor walks into a bar and orders a Daiquiri, but says he wants it garnished with a couple of Pecans. Bartender looks confused but attempts to fill the request. He discovers that he has no Pecans at the bar so he garnishes the drink with a Hickory nut instead. When he serves it, the doctor sees it as incorrect and asks, "Hey, what is this??"

The bartender says, "That's a Hickory Daiquiri, Doc."
~michael baker
The Magic Company
Kabbalah
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Quote:
On Sep 8, 2014, Michael Baker wrote:
A doctor walks into a bar and orders a Daiquiri, but says he wants it garnished with a couple of Pecans. Bartender looks confused but attempts to fill the request. He discovers that he has no Pecans at the bar so he garnishes the drink with a Hickory nut instead. When he serves it, the doctor sees it as incorrect and asks, "Hey, what is this??"

The bartender says, "That's a Hickory Daiquiri, Doc."


Noooh!
"Long may magicians fascinate and continue to be fascinated by the mystery potential in a pack of cards."
~Cliff Green

"The greatest tricks ever performed are not done at all. The audience simply think they see them."
~ John Northern Hilliard
Michael Baker
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Eternal Order
Near a river in the Midwest
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Quote:
On Sep 8, 2014, Kabbalah wrote:
Quote:
On Sep 8, 2014, Michael Baker wrote:
A doctor walks into a bar and orders a Daiquiri, but says he wants it garnished with a couple of Pecans. Bartender looks confused but attempts to fill the request. He discovers that he has no Pecans at the bar so he garnishes the drink with a Hickory nut instead. When he serves it, the doctor sees it as incorrect and asks, "Hey, what is this??"

The bartender says, "That's a Hickory Daiquiri, Doc."


Noooh!


Hey, you started it. Smile
~michael baker
The Magic Company
Cliffg37
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Long Beach, CA
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A guy walks into a bar
before he can utter even one word,
the bartender comes running out from behind the bar.
The bartender grabs the man by the shirt collar and
literally throws him out the door.
"We don't tell jokes in here!" yells the irate bartender.
Magic is like Science,
Both are fun if you do it right!
w_s_anderson
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The United States
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Even if the Virgin Mary didn’t get to have sex…at least she made a prophet!
w_s_anderson
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I once met a woman with 12 breasts! Sounds weird, dozentit?
Bob1Dog
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Wife: It's me or this houseful of
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The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.
What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about? Smile

My neighbor rang my doorbell at 2:30 a.m. this morning, can you believe that, 2:30 a.m.!? Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums.
Reg Rozee
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Vancouver, Canada
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A magician was walking down the street and turned into a bar. Poof!
Reality is what doesn't go away when you stop believing in it. -Phillip K. Dick



Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? -Chico Marx
Pakar Ilusi
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Quote:
On Sep 10, 2014, w_s_anderson wrote:
I once met a woman with 12 breasts! Sounds weird, dozentit?


:WOW:

:APPLAUSE:
"Dreams aren't a matter of Chance but a matter of Choice." -DC-
motown
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Atlanta by way of Detroit
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Quote:
On Sep 8, 2014, Michael Baker wrote:
A doctor walks into a bar and orders a Daiquiri, but says he wants it garnished with a couple of Pecans. Bartender looks confused but attempts to fill the request. He discovers that he has no Pecans at the bar so he garnishes the drink with a Hickory nut instead. When he serves it, the doctor sees it as incorrect and asks, "Hey, what is this??"

The bartender says, "That's a Hickory Daiquiri, Doc."
That's a good one.
"If you ever write anything about me after I'm gone, I will come back and haunt you."
– Karl Germain
Michael Baker
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A talking frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He sees right away from her window nameplate that her name is Patricia MacDonald.

"Miss MacDonald, I would like to get a $10,000 loan in order to take a much needed
vacation," he says.

She looks at the frog in disbelief. In keeping with bank policy
pertaining to customer relations, she asks the frog his name.

The frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, adds the fact that his dad
is Mick Jagger and that it is ok to give him the loan as he knows the
bank manager personally.

She explains that he will have to secure the loan with some
collateral.

The frog replies, "Sure, no problem, I have this" and produces
a tiny porcelain elephant about half an inch tall, bright pink and
perfectly formed.

Very confused, she explains that she will have to consult with the
bank manager and disappears into the back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog at my window who says his name is Kermit Jagger, he claims to know you and says his dad is Mick Jagger...and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this thing???"

The bank manager looks back at her and says,

"It's a knick knack, Patty Mac, give the frog a loan. His old man's a
Rolling Stone."
~michael baker
The Magic Company
RicHeka
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Sadly....Larry LaPrise has passed away. Mr. LaPrise invented the popular dance oft seen at weddings and other celebrations..."The Hokey Pokey".
Unfortunately there was a problem at the funeral home. When it was time to place Mr. LaPrise in the casket.....they put his 'right foot in'.....and that's when all the trouble started.
Ray Tupper.
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NG16.
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At the Charles Dickens breast augmentation centre, there's currently a buy one get one free offer.
It's a sale of two titties.
What do we want?
A cure for tourettes!
When do we want it?
C*nt!
Pakar Ilusi
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Why are card magicians Jedi?

They all practise The Force.

Smile
"Dreams aren't a matter of Chance but a matter of Choice." -DC-
Marvello
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It's amazing how little I can say in
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Ray - that is more of a spoonerism than a pun.

Two Eskimos were sitting in a kayak and were chilly, so they lit a fire and it sank... proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
Never criticize someone else until you have walked a mile in their shoes. Then, when you do criticize them, you will be a mile away from them and you will have their shoes.
acesover
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I believe I have
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A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron.

Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?

The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog."

The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit 3 wood." The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say.

By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?" The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas." They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, The man asks, "What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6."

Now, long,long, shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.

The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful." The frog replies, "Ribbit Kiss Me." He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.

"And that, your honor, is how the 15 year old girl ended up in my room.
If I were to agree with you. Then we would both be wrong. As of Apr 5, 2015 10:26 pm I have 880 posts. Used to have over 1,000
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