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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Not very magical, still... » » A politically correct Christmas. (1 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

Circusman
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Special user
Kent, England.
571 Posts

Profile of Circusman
'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck
How to live in a world that's politically correct ?
His workers would no longer answer to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labour conditions at the North Pole,
were alleged by the union, to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished without much propriety,
released to the wilds, by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear,
that Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
were replace with four pigs, and you know that looked stupid !

The runners had been removed from his beautiful sleigh,
because the ruts were deemed dangerous by the EPA,
And millions of people were calling the cops,
when they heard sled noises upon their roof tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened,
and his fur-trimmed red suit was called "unenlightened".

To show you the strangeness of today's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorised use of his nose,
He went to Geraldo, in front of the Nation,
demanding millions in over-due workers compensation.

So...half of the reindeer were gone, and his wife
who suddenly said she'd had enough of this life,
joined a self-help group, packed and left in a whizz,
demanding from now on that her title was 'Ms'.

And as for gifts...why, he'd never had the notion
that making a choice could cause such commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur...
Which meant nothing for him, and nothing for her.
Nothing to aim, nothing to shoot,
Nothing that clamoured or made lot's of noise.
Nothing for just girls and nothing for just boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific,
Nothing that's war-like or non-pacifistic.

No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish the truth.
And fairy tales...while not yet forbidden,
were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden,
for they raised the hackles of those psychological,
who claimed the only good gift was ecological.

No baseball, no football...someone might get hurt,
besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist and should be passe,
and Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, dishevelled, perplexed,
he just couldn't figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry, he tried to be gay,
but you have to admit he was having a very bad day.
His sack was quite empty, it was flat on the ground,
nothing fully acceptable was anywhere to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might
give to us all, without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy - with no indecision,
each group of people in every religion.
Every race, every hue,
everyone everywhere...even you !
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
" MAY YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES ENJOY PEACE ON EARTH."



Have a great time Guy's !

Bobby Thomson.
Michael Baker
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Eternal Order
Near a river in the Midwest
11159 Posts

Profile of Michael Baker
Brilliant!
~michael baker
The Magic Company
Mr. Mystoffelees
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Inner circle
I haven't changed anyone's opinion in
3621 Posts

Profile of Mr. Mystoffelees
Love it!!!
Also known, when doing rope magic, as "Cordini"
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