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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Not very magical, still... » » Not so great (7 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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Gbhunter77
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I don't really know if many of you know me so this may be the perfect forum for such a thing. As I lay here I'm Overwhelmed by a feeling of uselessness , why live? Just take that last breath and let go. I have strugled with my thinking so long. Dr called genius well they can take their ****ing genius a stuff it. I don't want to think different I want to be the same! I have 0 friends because I'm am unbearable to talk to, people told me they feel stupid talking to me. My own wife agrees to things I say just to look smart...I don't understand! If I do not know something even something simple I ask! I have been mocked for this but I rather know the answer then pertend to like a clules twit! I have hurt myself before,since pain is one thing I feel is the same between people. Then the cancer came and people telling me how brave I was...BRAVE! If I took this disease from a little child so they did not have to suffer that would be bloody brave! I did not decide to get sick I did so bravery had nothing to do with it...it was more like cowerdice!
because I feared a painful death! Ut at times like this I wonder if survival was actually the worse of the two outcomes. I have not slept in days, the medication is crippling and I cant work..utterly usless human being. The tax payers are taking care of me! I don't think that's right, what did they do to end up paying for a mental cripple!! And the pain just will not stop the physical pain it never goes away. The mental anguish is unbearable I struggle with simple choices. I did magic for two strangers last nigh for 1 hour and they loved it, they even talked about me doing it for their friends. But all I feel is it could have been better you failed, and you failed because you know you are worthless. Ordered new cards I have been looking forward to getting, they came and I could not care less. Its like I'm dead inside already its my body that keeps living. Just empty inside, I'm sorry to unload this here but with no friends this was my catharsis.
My youtube channel check it out its magic.
im not great but getting better.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMvQIycva0rFOIdArln7lEg
kambiz
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You are everything of value in this world Gbhunter.

Force a smile, force a laugh and the next moment may well be better than the last.

Things are never as good as they seem. Contrarily they are never as bad as they seem either.

Every day for me is a struggle, but through the dark clouds, I see one ray of light, and I never let go of that ray. I stare at it and get closer to it in my mind, so close that it is all I see. That is my joy.
Maybe you could find that last ounce of strength to do likewise.

You are not alone. Make a call.

We, too are here for you.

Warm thoughts and hugs to you
Kam
If I speak forth, many a mind will shatter,
And if I write, many a pen will break.
.....and when I consider my own self, lo, I find it coarser than clay!
Ian McColl
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Hi Gb, thanks for bring this to our attention. Can I phone you?? you can email me at imccoll@sympac.com.au

I am concerned, you sound like you wish to end the pain - have you made any plans?? Do you have the mean to do something??

please post again, you are not alone in this world.

I look forward to your email.


Ian McColl
Ian McColl
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Hi Paul, I did some searching and left a phone message. I hope you got it ( I hope I got the right person)

let me know if you got it.

Ian
Ian McColl
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Hi Paul, good to see you online.
Ian McColl
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Paul drop me an email at imccoll@sympac.com.au

It's early evening my time, I'll be up for hours.
Gbhunter77
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Im going to get help. I need it.
My youtube channel check it out its magic.
im not great but getting better.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMvQIycva0rFOIdArln7lEg
Ian McColl
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Quote:
On Feb 27, 2015, Gbhunter77 wrote:
Im going to get help. I need it.



Hi Paul, thanks good news. Very good news. I would still like to chat if that is okay.
you have made a great choice , cannot get smarter than that.

good on you. If you don't email me, please keep us updated here.

Ian
Ian McColl
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Hey Paul, you are only 37, right? heck you are not even half way thru the journey.
Magic_son
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For the short message Paul, GOD has a plan and you must trust HIM!
The longer message will deal with your Magic. Many of us watch your videos and enjoy them. I asked George not long ago to watch one of mine, and he told me how he loved watching yours as well!! It sounds as if you have had a rough time especially with some magic dealers, but you do have friends here, look at George and Vlad. Not to mention the hundreds of people who were watching and praying for you like me!
I do believe your issue is far beyond any "advice" from anyone except professionally qualified. I am very glad your getting help, and don't worry about others getting the tab, heck that is what the assistance is for. You can always repay by a simple "thank you" prayer to GOD. And if you want, go to a nursing/rehab facility and show them some of those Great moves I have seen on your videos. The repayment help fill your heart!
My mother went into a home for about 3-4 months, and they looked forward to anyone who would come and make their day enjoyable. From the response you got from the guys you showed your magic to, I would say they would love you.
Paul I check the Café about every other day, please feel free to pm me anytime, I am also going to try to get onskype like George in the next couple of months. Keep us informed, we care!
Bruce
landmark
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Quote:
I did magic for two strangers last night for 1 hour and they loved it,

Hang in there, Paul. It gets better.
TonyB2009
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Paul, I am going to address one of your issues, which is an issue I had at one point. You say you have no friends. I know that social isolation. You have a wife, you mentioned her. How did you get a wife? Someone LIKES you. LOVES you. So you are not a worthless human being. Very far from it.

I am an awkward individual, often at odds with those around me. But I have learned to accept myself for what I am, and to back away from negative social interaction. By backing away from negative social interaction (instead of charging in and getting upset like I used to) that leaves only neutral and positive social interaction. A simple example. I now belong to no magical organisations, because they annoy me. But I still hang out with the magical colleagues whose company I enjoyed. I just stay away from the others. End result, I am happier.

I have also found meditation helped settle me and helped me accept myself and all my quirks.

At one point I felt deep despair. I have felt nothing but happiness for the past twenty years. So hang in there, it does get better. Far better. We are rooting for you.
Magnus Eisengrim
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Paul, I just read your post. Thank you for speaking with us, and thank you for the update about getting help. Please stay around this forum and let us know how you are doing.

I have no wisdom to offer, but I do offer friendship. PM, forum, email. If you want to chat, please give me a call.

I'm looking forward to hearing from you.

John
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.--Yeats
NYCTwister
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Well, you obviously do have friends.

One thing that many of the people I know have done in similar situations is to laugh. I know it sounds simplistic but laughter releases chemicals that makes you feel better, less pain.

These are just two videos that have made me laugh out loud.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKg_Gb74x7M

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b00-c-bk4U0

I'm sure you can find others.

As for the rest, sometimes the only way to endure is by enduring.

Good luck.
If you need fear to enforce your beliefs, then your beliefs are worthless.
Dr. Delusion
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Hey Paul, very glad to read your going to get help. As you can tell you have lots of buddy's here at the Café.
Count me in, feel free to drop a message or call me any time. Take care of yourself.
Bob.
TomBoleware
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Hey Paul, I too would love to be your friend. Please don’t feel alone with your struggles, all of us have had bad times in our lives,
but by hanging in there we manage to survive.

I personally am a big believer in prayer, I think just having someone to talk to can be a big help. So besides seeking professional help,
do find someone, be it God, a close friend, or someone on here to talk too. Getting our worries out of our system can be very helpful.

The good thing about life is, tomorrow is a new day. Hang in there man and do keep us posted, also keep up the good work with the magic.

If I can help, just let me know.

Tom
Kind People Are The Best Kind Of People

www.tomboleware.com
Slim King
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Quote:
On Feb 27, 2015, Gbhunter77 wrote:
Im going to get help. I need it.

That's the spirit .. We all need a little help now and then!!! Just looked at my tax returns... The government takes so much of my money that I'm GLAD they are giving it to someone who actually needs it!!!!!
If you need it ... that's what it's there for!!!!! Don't feel the slightest bit bad about that .. I'm 100% delighted someone is getting help!!!!!
Now about that card trick... Smile Smile
THE MAN THE SKEPTICS REFUSE TO TEST FOR ONE MILLION DOLLARS.. The Worlds Foremost Authority on Houdini's Life after Death.....
RNK
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I will echo everyone else here Paul. We are here if you need us. Just PM. I do agree with Paul regarding prayer. My sister just had a stroke at the age of 44! Well- a lot of prayer went out for her and the doctors are stunned at the FULL recovery she made with losing no mobility or speech within ONE and HALF WEEKS!!! Prayer is powerful and you will be in mine and my families. Stay strong my friend.

Bob
Cliffg37
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I am not in a stage of life where I can talk about Cancer. I lost my mom to it, and that sucked. What I can talk about it the awkwardness you feel. I too often experience that I say something and get blank stares. Am I a genius? I don't think so, but I do think differently from many people. Also I am a scientist. I teach Physics for a living. I too have a wife who loves me, though she often joins in the blank stares. One of her friends said to her, "People don't get him do they?" I think I may know how that aspect of your life feels.

I cannot address your physical pain. I have been in chronic pain in my life. Pain so severe that I couldn't sleep, and that was after taking the horse pills the doctor gave me to ease the discomfort. I don't know what is in your future friend, but then neither do you.

When I was in the hospital watching my mother die, my daughter took it hard. She loved her grandmother and it really sucked for her. She was eight years old at the time. She got some comfort from a very odd source. The woman in the next bed was a large elderly woman who was dying of complications from diabetes. This woman actually managed to comfort my daughter who had been inconsolable up to that point. Later I told the woman that (Deity of your choice name goes here) wasn't done with her, and she still had some purpose and good to do on Earth before she left. Don't give up my friend, PM me if you want my phone number to talk.
Magic is like Science,
Both are fun if you do it right!
Andrew Zuber
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Hang in there Paul! I've experienced such depression I couldn't even get up but things have a way of turning around - and they will!
"I'm sorry - if you were right, I would agree with you." -Robin Williams, Awakenings
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